[Currently on: 'Cities in Dust' by Siouxsie and the Banshees.]
If I hadn't known better, my job might as well be my fucking grave. No joke. That and, maybe I should've stayed at home today if I knew it was 'Hey, let's all yell at Sunshine for no reason today!' day at work. Bloody hell. I really should've known better.
Methinks I won't get into any of the reasons why I got the bitchfest from hell today, but I guess I will give some commentary on all of this, as well as my opinions on what I want to do with life. That and the odds against me in all of this.
For one, as I mentioned in one previous post, it's been almost a year since I was told I was up for Junior Management Training. Has anything really happened since? Probably not. Except, at least I know how to skim a cash drawer and train people in the back drive-thru. But otherwise, what else have I done? Simple: fuck-all. Nothing. Damn near four years of my life spent trying to help better this world, ALL FUCKING GONE TO WASTE!!
...oi, sorry guys. I'm just upset. I really shouldn't have done that, but it had to be said.
I mean, I know I want to be a Swing [Shift] Manager someday, but right now it's just difficult and, probably, damn near impossible to picture myself anywhere NEAR Swing Manager material. Come on--I'm immature [well, not really, but just WHO is reading this and giving half a damn anyway??] for a 23-and-a-half year old, the resident goofball at work who doesn't always get everything done right [because, hell, we're all human, no?], and practically the kind of person that would befriend anybody but have a slightly hard time bossing around anybody.
I know, I guess I'm not fit for management then, huh?
Heck, when you give it some thought, I know I want to be there for my coworkers in the long run yet, when all you can do is endure 4-A.M. wake-up alarms and endure the daily b.s. from anybody and everybody, and when you're supposed to know stuff yet you're the last to know stuff and then you get bitched at because, well, you didn't know...
that only makes life much harder than it should be, am I not correct?
Part of me wants to stay within McD's, and yet part of me wants to draw, and part of me wants to write, and part of me wants to sing. All at once. Yet, I can't get back to school--as a minimum-wage chick it's hard as hell with an apartment and a cell phone as is. And, at the moment I've got no car, as it is dead.
And, on top of that, if I were to go to school, my schedule would have to go flip-the-loop, and as I am the only drive-thru ace in North DeLand, that basically would just about screw everybody over. I can't allow it at the moment. Don't know when I'll be able to, though.
So, where does this lead me? Simple: dead in the water. Stuck in a McDonald's drive-thru with no way out, no hopes or plans for the future, and possibly no chance of even advancing ahead.
It really sucks to be me right now. It really, really does.
Until the next round, Cheers. And Mike, Crush. XOXOXO
~ 'Sunshine'
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