Chapter 153 ~ ...just as soon as I get this crap figured out, I promise...!

Yup, I'll be resuming the musicality of the Underground here. It'll be the return of the music for this crazy place. :-)

Just as soon as I learn the proper ropes to share my musical whim with you folks...

Chapter 152 ~ ...wait, so I'm not back to work until WEDNESDAY!?

And then I forgot--three of our employees are going to be out of town all this week. *facepalm*

Sissy-Too and her daughter will be heading to Indiana to bury her dad's ashes. :-( She was one of the two friends of mine these past three months who'd lost a Dad. I still vaguely remember the morning when her mom called the Store Manager and then her, to let her know about the father's passing. I found Sissy crying in the Manager's Office. And do I blame her? Absolutely not! She's since been doing a lot better, but this week will be her week of closure, and I do hope that she and her daughter find peace in this time. I really, really do.

Meanwhile Sissy-Boo will be out of town with her family, also heading out of town for a vacation. She herself deserves a bit of a proper vacation of sorts. And I'll be keeping her family, as well as Sissy-Too's family, in my kind thoughts and prayers this week, particularly for Travel Mercies.

Store Manager Joel gave me the okay yesterday to dress up for Friday--as well as whenever there's a holiday worth celebrating. *yay!!* So, as far as the list goes here's what I've compiled for holidays worth dressing up for [in chronological order]...

Fixed Dates throughout the Year ~
1 January - New Year's Day
15 January - Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday
21 January - Martyrdom of Saint Agnes [not sure how to celebrate it yet though]
14 February - Martyrdom of Saint Valentine
17 March - Feast of Saint Patrick [Bishop]
20 March? - First Day of Spring
1 April - April Fools' Day
22 April? - Earth Day
1 May - Mayday!!
21 June - Summer Solstice
4 July - Independence Day
20 August - Ralf from Kraftwerk's Birthday #62!!
2 September [this year] - Labor Day
21 September? - Autumnal Equinox
29 September - Michaelmas ~ Feast of Saints Michael, Gabriel and Raphael [Archangels]
2 October - Feast of All Guardian Angels
4 October? - ...er, my Birthday?
28 October - Stephen from New Order's Birthday #51!!
31 October - Halloween
1 November - All Saints' Day
20 December - Winter Solstice
31 December - New Year's Eve

Movable dates throughout the years to celebrate ~
- Ash Wednesday
- Easter Sunday [dress-up day traditionally is Easter Vigil Saturday]
- Stetson University Homecoming
- Holocaust Remembrance Day
- Friendship Day [August]
- DeLand High School Homecoming
- High Holy Days [Jewish Holidays]
- Hanukkah [Jewish Holiday]

Seasons celebrated in some form or fashion during the year ~
- Lent [purple hair?]
- Christmastide

...whew! boy, do I have a lot to celebrate or what!?

~ me

Chapter 151 ~ Double Take? [Two Cemetery Excursions, 33 Images]

Day of Excursion:
- Friday 28 June 2008 [yesterday]
Places of Excursion:
- Main Street Cemetery, Daytona Beach
- Oakdale Cemetery, DeLand

~ Main Street - Daytona Beach












































~ Oakdale, DeLand





















...you know, I'm a bit better off having done both of 'em during the day. They'd probably turn out a bit better. Ah well. :-\

Chapter 150 ~ ...okay, I know I was supposed to keep a week-long silence but...

Not when I got this in an e-mail from my [Step]Mom. And I can't believe I didn't even keep this in mind. I'll be printing this out and keeping it with me for a long time to come...



In other news, Thursday night out was insane, ran into a friend of mine. Survived 6 shots and still ruled the dance floor. Even ran into my two friends Mandie and Lizzy, and the three of us were surviving getting hit on by... of all things...

football coaches?

Yes, you can cue your proper "WTF!?" here.

The misadventured well into Friday morning, which included us three gals venturing with the guys to Brickhouse Bar. Unfortunately, there was no such thing as a dance floor [which seriously pissed me off 'cause the guys begged us to tag along with them, fcukers *deathglare*], but there was a decent-looking guy to talk to. And, he wore a Sisters of Mercy shirt, so that meant that HEY! this goth-punk gal was gonna be alright. Mandie and Lizzy meanwhile tried to keep the guys at bay [they pretended to be lesbians--smart.thinking.you.two!!] and, some of the other guys were like, "So you want another drink, Sunshine?" I'm like, No, I survived 6 shots back at the P-Lounge and I'm not gonna get trashed, thankyouverymuch! and resumed conversation with Roy. Unfortunately he lives in Boca Raton [er, road trip, anyone?], but we both had a wonderful conversation about music, music, VNV Nation [he'd never heard my fave VNV tune "Perpetual" until I brought out the 'Pod!], The Smiths [he got envious for a moment that I got to see Morrissey live last July], and more music.

At about quarter past 2 the guys were up for IHOP, and we kinda faked like, "Yeah, we'll see you guys there!!" Heh, I.don't.think.so. Mandie and Lizzy took me home, and then I didn't quite fully wake up until, er, 11 yesterday morning? In any case, yesterday I did a double-Cemetery Excursion, first to Main Street in Daytona, then to Oakdale back in town. What really kinda sucked was that, unlike the Main Street Revisited, Oakdale Revisited didn't turn out as good as I hoped, picture-wise. A lot of pictures turned out rather, er, crappy. Which meant that, you know, maybe I should've used the flash that came with the camera after all...

Anywho, the pics will be up on Chapter 151, up next. :-)

Chapter 149 ~ A Proper Silence Is Due.

This is only a proper penance, that this blog shouldn't see or hear from me [yes, Citizens, nothing until next week's Top 20 WSUR] for at least the next week or so. And that's because, well, it's my fault.

Once again I unjustly wronged someone with my brash words and thoughts, and I didn't think proper when all this time I should've. I'd gladly apologize but, I'm scared that he will not accept it, simply because of the drama as of recently that I unjustly started.

So, this is a proper apology, and a proper penance--simply to silence myself as much as possible. I can't risk losing someone I love to my pride, anger and bitterness.

Yes, I'm broadcasting it to the world: I've wronged someone I love, and I can't get to forgiving myself for it simply because I can't be forgiven. And I know I'll get myself back on proper ground but... I don't know anymore.

After much thought I have decided, furthering my penance, to simply reconsider the four-day minor vacation I have. I'll give myself that week to think it over, and update you Citizen-folk next Thursday.

Until then, the next round...

Chapter 148 ~ Happy Thursday!: the Top 20 WSUR, and Other Pointless Commentary

Yup, back on schedule. Especially with what happened with the funeral last Thursday and what-not. It seems that, by a long-shot, Kraftwerk's the group of the week again with God only knows HOW MANY FRECKIN' SONGS I've listened to of theirs! And that's gone crazy-different from the actual Top-20 itself!! Accordingly, my top 5 bands this past week are as follows *and thanks to Last.fm for ALL CHARTS INVOLVED in this blog, as well as for the last-songs-played chart at the top of this blog!* ~

1] Kraftwerk
2] New Order
3] The Smiths
4] Depeche Mode
5] Clay Aiken

And with that, on with the Starian Union Radio Top 20!

1] "Lover All Alone" - Clay Aiken
2] "The Perfect Kiss" [full 12" version] - New Order
3] "Blasphemous Rumours" - Depeche Mode
4] "Getting Away With It" - Electronic
5] "Life's What You Make It" - Talk Talk
6] "Primitive Notion" - New Order
7] "Just Can't Get Enough" - Depeche Mode
8] "Hello It's Me" - Todd Rundgren
9] "Another Morning Stoner" - ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
10] "Whip It" - Devo
11] "Cellphone's Dead" - Beck
12] "How Soon Is Now?" - The Smiths
13] "99 Red Balloons" - Nena
14] "Driver 8" - R.E.M.
15] "Oh L'Amour" - Erasure
16] "Pretty Girls Make Graves" - The Smiths
17] "NWA" - The Terrible Sea
18] "Heaven" - The Psychedelic Furs
19] "Angel Dust" - New Order
20] "Down the Line" - Jose Gonzalez

Alright, that done, the usual short updates. Or somewhat short.

For one *and this is a major turn of events here, Citizens!* it's that, well, I won't be able to attend Agathangelos' wedding after all. Due to this break-up mess *which might as well be my fault--looooong story for another time* Siren's basically not one for wanting to deal with me and the anxiety of it all in two weeks' time. And what really sucks is that I went through the trouble of getting time off of work to attend this and then recover enough to get ready to go back to work. Except, now I've got no wedding to go to.

Of course, What. the. effin'. ish?

That's fine though--that just means four days with almost nothing much to do. Except, to do what-all I can do. And that's to take time for the most important person in my life right now [second to God of course]--me. Which by sure means I'll be sure to go out to a cemetery somewhere in the area, hopefully one I haven't been to yet. Another thing I can do is to simply go out and just have fun.

Or, I can work on both [Metropolis] AND [Computer<3].

So I have four days of proper freedom [by the way they're Saturday 12 through Tuesday 15 July], and if anyone's around and wants to hang out, LET. ME. KNOW.

Also, my last day of my self-holiday [15 July] is Ian Curtis Day. I'll get more to that in the next handful of days leading to it.

Second update is, well, I'm going to an 80's Ladies Night. And I don't usually go out to those kinds of things. Usually I tend to hide out here in the Underground. Except, with the latest messy update *and proof that I will get over this--news flash to you, Siren* I really could use a proper distraction. Hell, I might even meet some new friends, and maybe--just MAYBE--I might run into that cutie from Saturday night's Madonna costume party.

So there y'all have it. The latest of the matter, and the latest in my musical whim.

Until the next round...

~ me

Chapter 147 ~ *sigh* Alright, time out...

Okay, Citizens. I'm confused. Big time.

First of all, let's all skip down Memory Lane--from Monday 25 February, Chapter 98 ~ So much for my happy ending.

So this afternoon I get a text from Hikari [or as I can now call him my OTHER best-buddy ex-boyfriend], and he kindly reminds me that I'm a resilient girl, and to not let something small like the recent break-up get me down, and... well, I'll use his exact words for the last part of the text:

and you always have me =) <3

Okay--wait, hold up, and TIME THE FCUK OUT!! @.@-!? This is the same guy who broke up with me back in February simply 'cause he'd no time for this thing called us!? And now he's all like, "you always have me"!?

Er, yeah. :-\ Citizens, I'm confused. Somewhat.

I mean, I've always been the one facing the "right woman, wrong time"/"let's just stay friends" situation. So now I'm in this little mess [and mind y'all it's disaster number 3 in a slay-off of ten months], what else am I to do? I already swore to myself to never find time for this kind of mess again--in the end, when it's over, again and again, it's all a waste of emotions. True love exists only for those truly blessed by God to find that proper bliss, and in fairy tales--and I stopped believing in fairy tales years ago.

I'm scared of making that stupid, senseless mistake again. I mean, there's always that risk that I could finally stop the heartache but, I don't really see that happening. And as I said before, no matter how hard I try to work anything out in a relationship, in the end nothing works out.

*sigh* I wish I could just work things right with Siren, but we've started over again as friends. --hey, wait. What the fcuk...

Ever since I've had my proper rant about the relationship gone stale, and now that it's been over, HE'S ACTUALLY WANTED TO TALK!! And yet, it's not the same anymore. I can't really answer his IM's on AIM without fighting tears of anger, nor do I even understand now the why of it. Why now, when I'm still crying and hating myself for existing only to be Cupid's whipping girl, and to have to face getting over the heartache because, as always, things can't work out.

You know, I guess I will always have Hikari--but as a dear friend to me. He knows what-all has been going on, and understands where I'm coming from. And it sickens me a little to think that, I still love Siren as well. Except, like I said, it's not the same. And that's another thing I hate myself for--that I still harbor feelings that should've died a long time ago, and unfortunately that's how my heart is. It takes a helluva lot for me to hate somebody.

I could never hate Hikari because he's a good friend of mine. And I could never hate Siren because of the fact I'd liked him for so long, yet never gave him a chance. And yet I hate myself because I love them too much to hate them.

*sigh* I give up. I don't know what to do anymore...



~ me

Chapter 146 ~ Recovery Time: Too F@#%ing Long!!

So as you can guess, I'm still trying to fix my shattered heart. But the good news is, I'm doing alright. But I'm a bit in a cynical mood, and still upset and hurting as much as I don't really wish to be.

That said, a proper poem, my first in a while. And at the moment it's appropriate for the moment.

Those who know I'm not the usual cynic, please forgive me for the tone of this poem...

"Simply to Forget [A Prayer]"

Father above, forgive Your daughter,
distressed in a world beyond control,
below Your highest Kingdom Come,
while I suffer here, unrest in my soul.
For I foolishly thought I'd fallen in love,
almost swore my heart away.

And now I'd give even half my soul
just to find a love who'll stay,
but even now You'd turn away
Your loving ear to hear my prayer.
And now the mess I've fallen in
has left me, heart and soul, in despair.
Had I simply been blind,
or did I simply not realize
that I had been right all along...

that true love really is a lie?

Father, I beg you with all
I have, to make me forget
all of the tears,
the pain, hurt and regret,
and to forget the love I once knew.
I know it sounds like much
but I know You understand as to
why I feel like such.
If anything, just to ease
and calm my nerves,
to help me recollect my mind
and say the proper words,
to heal the heart
that'd be better off alone--
even if that means to
forsake a future love unknown.

For even now regretful tears fall downward
like a summer's lonely rain
but, by Your grace,
may I never fall in love again.



*sigh* I now feel a whole lot better getting that off my chest.

Until the next round, cheers

~ me

Chapter 145 part 2 ~ George Carlin: 1937-2008

It's also a sad day in the world of comedy today.

Legendary comedian George Carlin passed away yesterday at the age of 71. And he was one of the most badass comedians in our modern time. And yes, he will be missed.

From Yahoo! News ~ Edgy comic George Carlin dies at 71.

*ADVISORY WARNING ~ NOT FOR THE LITTLE KIDS!!*
George's most famous sketch: Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television.


I actually got to watch some episodes of "The George Carlin Show" when I was younger, and he was quite a trip.

His humor will definitely be missed. :-(

~ me

Chapter 145 ~ And the best way to get over a break-up is...

...when you get a set of Kraftwerk pins from your best British buddy in the whole wide world!!

Photographic evidence--this came in the mail today from Louise!! ~


So yes, it's safe to say that, fcuk the fact that it's a Monday. She [and the legion of my many friends and fans who've been with me since yesterday's break-up] made my day.

*squee!!* I <3 Kraftwerk. And I <3 Louise.

And I absofcukin'lutely <3 those pins!

~ me

Chapter 144 ~ There's a Sun-Shaped Hole in my Soul...

And that's exactly where my heart was.

As of 3 A.M. this morning, Siren and I have started over again as friends. *sigh* Yes, this means, another break-up. And the third relationship failure in 10 fcuking months.

I swear, I'm done with this thing called falling in love. Nothing seems to work out. I'm the right person, but always at the wrong time.

Maybe I should just have no time for this, and maybe that might make things easier?



*sigh* And just when things were about to start improving...

~ me

Chapter 143 ~ The Top 20 WSUR, and Yesterday's Requiem

If you tuned in yesterday expecting the Top 20 WSUR, and it's not there, and you're upset, you better read the Post right below this one, from Wednesday. In fact I'll update yesterday's insanity right after this.

The Top 20 WSUR as of yesterday, Thursday 19 June 2008.

Thanks much to Last.fm

1] "Primitive Notion" - New Order
2] "Lover All Alone" - Clay Aiken
3] "Radioactivity" ['75] - Kraftwerk
4] "I Saw the Light" - Todd Rundgren
5] "Radioland" - Kraftwerk
6] "The Queen Is Dead" - The Smiths
7] "Transistor" - Kraftwerk
8] "Hello It's Me" - Todd Rundgren
9] "New Year's Day" - U2
10] "Girls and Boys" - Blur
11] "Time to Pretend" - MGMT
12] "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode
13] "Electricity" - OMD
14] "Nothingman" - Pearl Jam
15] "Expo2000" [Underground Resistance Thought 3 Remix] - Kraftwerk
16] "Antenna" - Kraftwerk
17] "Transmission" - Joy Division
18] "True Faith" - New Order
19] "Theft, and Wandering Around Lost" - Cocteau Twins
20] "Love Will Tear Us Apart" - Jose Gonzalez

*whew!!* Alright, now, onto the madness that was yesterday.

After working an exhausting 5 A.M.-2 P.M. [yes, I ended up staying an extra hour], I rushed home, got a quick shower, and was dressed and ready to go by the time Ani picked me up to get to Choir practice. Now considering I have this pretty new outfit to wear for the first time to this, I was rather a lovely fairy princess for a lack of proper words...

The service all in all went very well, and the Choir had reconvened for this because the widow of the deceased is one of our own lovely Altos, Corky. And she was quite sweet, as always, when I got to talk to her a bit at the Reception. The Choir, by the way, is back on vacation and, God willing, will stay on vacation up to September.

Then I went through the trouble of walking about 20 minutes to Kit's apartment to hang out with her a bit. Now unfortunately, by that point--er, 6:30 P.M.-ish--I'd been wearing the heels I thought went perfectly with the dress.

What.the.fcuk.was.I.thinking!?

I got to sit on the carpet while at her place, and I asked her to take that pic you saw just a moment ago. Yeah, me, in that lovely dress that makes me feel like the dearest fairy princess in the entire fcuking world. I love this dress. I'm just not going to resort to heels ever again. The heels I spent the better part of four hours in sure tore the back of my feet up. *sigh* I think I'll stick with flats with the outfit. Which means back to Wal*Mart at some point.

And, last night I got to... actually, for the past couple of weeks now, I'd been talking with my friend Antenna--no, his codename changed as of this week. He's now known as Roboter here. Yep, my fellow Kraftwerk fanatic in New York and I have been engaging in rather amusing conversations about life and the messed-up side of it. And it's been a proper way of ending my day--actually, that's been the way we've ended our long days this week: a good half-hour to hour-long conversation on the phone about anything.

Let's put it this way--he's my long-distance best friend. And he's been my sounding board for the better part of this week, since I really don't have a lot of good guy friends this time around. Except for Pouncer, but he's all the way in Louisiana and in the Army [even though he's my best bud forfreckin'ever--if you can count 5 years as such]. And Siren... well... he's got his own situation with work. But he and I have been talking on AIM, but it's just not the same now. It's not like it used to be. The lovey-dovey talk has... well... died somehow. And I'm still blaming myself for that. I should've just shown patience as I usually do instead of getting into that temper I was in last week.

I miss telling my... er... I don't even know whether to address him as my "boyfriend" anymore. Sad that to me it's all come down to this. And that's been the one main thing haunting me this entire week, I'm realizing this now. I'm actually afraid of telling him that I love him, and even more afraid that his feelings are less than mutual because of the hell I raised last weekend. And I think that's one of the main reasons I've been afraid to answer his IM's all week--simply because I've been afraid. It just feels like we're just... you know... friends again. It's what's kept me from telling him I still love him. It's a feeling that makes me somewhat sick in my gut--just that feeling that things have changed somehow, and that my actions played a rather major part in it.

I've apologized time and again, but somehow, I don't know if I could ever forgive myself of this.

*question to self ~ jenn, why on earth are you even worrying yourself about him? he'll be just fine. you just go about your own business. end of. he's thinking of you. you'll be just fine. now get over it!*

Ah well, enough of this. It's the weekend, I'm off, and I guess a night of dancing is in order. Except, my entire entourage is either working or out of town, so it'll be just me this round. This could be rather, er... I don't know.

*sigh* Hey, if anything, I'll update tomorrow. I promise.

Until the next round, cheers.

~ me

Chapter 142 ~ I *really* shouldn't be awake right now. Seriously.

*minor little note for everyone on my facebook ~ welcome to my regularly-scheduled blog, the Trans-Underground Express. i imported this blog onto my facebook notes, so for all the actual latest and not just the simple small status, tune in here.*

Usually a 7 A.M.-3 P.M. workday doesn't kill me. Today however fcuked me out. Really.

All throughout breakfasttime, our Drive-thru computer system had its own major fit and three quarters. Orders not being cleared though already paid out, other orders disappearing after they're taken. Finally it got to the point where our Supervisor had to shut the system down, and for the better part of about 15 minutes we had to redirect customers to the first window so that I could write down their orders, calculate the total [thank God for the calculator on my cell phone], AND cash out the orders. After the shut-down, about a minute later the Supervisor restarted the system, and it's been acting alright since, just in time for Change-over. My punch-line to my Store Manager: "Thank God this went on today instead of yesterday or else we'd all been screwed."

For those who didn't really know, our Store had an inspection yesterday. And we passed.

But anyway... :-\

So of course everything's better by Change-over, I have my break, eat something, clock back in and help my coworker out in Drive-thru First Window [back drive-thru] as I took orders and she cashed 'em out during Lunch. But then... something not quite right with the speaker? Or was it the headset? Or maybe me...?

"I'm sorry, but could you please speak up a bit louder?"

I couldn't hear the customers' orders!? But what the heck was going on? I had to go through the whole Lunch Rush hour with the custom intro of the day, as follows:

"Welcome to McDonald's, go ahead with your order, and please speak up as we're having minor problems with the speaker at this time."

Thankfully everyone understood. I however was kinda ticked off. And then said coworker had to go in the grill, by then the speaker situation was fixed. Of course I was relieved, except now I'm single-handedly taking on the Drive-thru again, and by this point I'm exhausted, worn out, and... lightheaded!?

Yep, that's never really happened, ever, but I could've sworn I almost keeled over by either exhaustion, lightheadedness, or both. In either case, I didn't feel so great. And if you add all the mess I'd been through since I clocked in this morning...

yeah, it scares the schnappes right out of me.

After Rabbit changed out the drawer at around 2:30-ish, I was still hanging in there but I hadn't really felt any better either. I'd take a sip of water after every other order, hoping that would help some. Can't really say it did. But I was glad to get done for the day at around 3:30, and I got home to pass out for a while. I'm just now getting around to this.

Tomorrow I have to be up early [5 A.M.-1 P.M. work shift], and then the Choir reconvenes at a quarter after 3 later in the afternoon to be at a memorial for the late husband of one of our fellow Choristers. This is the second Choral Widow in the past three weeks. AND I still have to re-blue the hair.

Ugh, that's right, it's Thursday tomorrow too. Can the Top 20 WSUR wait until Friday? I think it can. So tomorrow's Top 20 music post will be postponed until Friday, since I'll be so busy it's almost senselessly stupid.

Now earlier I'd prayed that God would just jump in and right something--anything--as things weren't so great. And that was at the beginning of Lunch Rush!

God's answer: between the coworker and I, and despite all of the mess of the day, her drawer was only $0.23 off.


I really can't think straight.

I'm exhausted,
I'm dizzy,
I'm lightheaded.

I'm out of it.
It's miraculous I survived the 20-minute walk home.
And I really need to rest up,
I have a very long day tomorrow...

...wait, what day is tomorrow again...

*WHOOPS! Edited to add ~ The reason why I couldn't hear the customers' orders was because the Supervisor just HAD to post up a flyer about our Wednesday special RIGHT OVER THE ACTUAL SPEAKER!! This I noticed as I was leaving work and walking home. I guess he must've moved it after he got word I was having trouble hearing the customers. Why oh fcuking why...*

Chapter 141 ~ As Hard as Love Can Be...

Somehow, I felt in the back of my mind as of yesterday... as of Sunday...

it can't be over, but why do I feel like it is?

Perhaps... I'm better off in isolation.

It seems that no matter how hard I try to make a relationship work out, it just... it just doesn't. And I'm slowly starting to fear the worst for the third time in 10 months.



Siren, there was the Inspection at work today.

Sure, I was intimidated.

Yeah, I was a bit nervous.

Of course, I had my mind on other things just to keep from having a minor panic.

And yes, the store passed...

Chapter 140 ~ ...no seriously, this time it IS my fault.

You know it's my fault when the recent actions [er, see the last couple of Chapters here to read it all] I have undertaken has led the one I love to become... well...

emotionless.

And in the back of my mind, in my own opinion, it's my fault. Particularly for opening my mouth about what-all's been going wrong as of lately between Siren and I. That and the new fan-fic [Computer<3]. Yes, he read that as well.

Or, as I can only put it, once again I say stuff without thinking, and yet when I do think I can't get the words out right!

How could some senselessness on my end threaten to tear apart what three months strongly built...



I just wish it could just rain all day. Just a day, all day, no rest to such a thing as rain. Yes, of course that means I'll be armed with my umbrella all day, but that's fine. I'm just...

I just don't care now.

I feel so bad for being so harsh [is that the proper word for it?] about all this. And yes, maybe the fan fic seemed a bit out of line also, but now it's gone to the point where... well...

Let me put it this way--when Siren noted that he at the moment felt emotionless, my heart almost died. To be honest, I felt worse than guilty, and by right I should be.

I don't know what really possessed me to think the way I did, but I never realized that this would be the result of my actions. And I guess I'm paying the price for my irrational thinking.

If God could grant me one wish right now, one answer to prayer, it would be to somehow start over again. To get things right with Siren. Except, the one problem to it all is, he's in Iowa, I'm in Florida, he's busy all day with work and then off to the gym for a couple of hours or so, all week. And we hardly get to talk anymore now...



I want to start over, to make things right again.

Problem is, how--especially when things are a mess because of me!? AGAIN!?



v.v' *sigh* Kit's inviting me out for a stroll through Wal*Mart. A good cry-fest on her shoulder sounds good right about now, and the only thing I can do now is just let him be for a while...

Chapter 139 ~ ANOTHER New Kraftwerk Fan-Fic!!

And this time, it's got nothing to do with the Clandestine Rebellion. The idea for it came to me yesterday at work, and I jotted down the main highlights of it.

The result: [Computer<3]

So it's loosely based off the situation I'm going through right now, except... what if Ralf of Kraftwerk read this blog? The idea for that and what happened resulted in the making of this new fan-fic. I can't wait to write both Metropolis AND [Computer<3]...

You know, these two might make these next long four weeks some of the best ever...

~ Sunny

Chapter 138 ~ ...no seriously, Cupid definitely rhymes with Stupid for a reason

*sigh* Alright. Another rant.

Why in this entire freckin' world does it gladly seem that, hell-O! my distant regulars that I haven't seen in a while take more time to say "Hey Sunshine! how ya doin' sweetie?" than my current sweetie to even say one single "Thank you, love you too!" despite the many "Good Morning!" texts I bother to even send him!?

And then, for those who don't know, I have AIM. My status last night was, "*sigh* Back to the depths of hell for Friday and Saturday. Four weeks to go..." So Siren texts me going, "what i do?" Siren, if you're reading this, concerning your "what i do?" question, it was nothing you did wrong. Only four more weeks until I get to see you again.

But then again... what else could you have done?

You probably were too busy in which I felt it wasn't worth calling you when I needed someone to listen to Wednesday night while I recovered from a workday from hell. I just felt it wasn't worth the attempt when I couldn't even hear from you.

Don't get me wrong--you have no idea how happy I am for you and your internship. I really, truly am proud of you.

*sigh* The most I can do is to simply encourage you from a distance. But sometimes I even wonder if it's worth the effort. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth trying when odds are you're busy with life in Iowa.

I love you... even when my heart's been breaking a little.



I wonder if you could ever read this... I wonder if this could ever get through to you, just like every other chance I try to tell you I love you...



...I need to go eat dinner and go to bed. Something's gotta give.

Until the next round--hopefully in better spirits--cheers.

Chapter 137 ~ The Return of the Mensch-Maschinen!!

Yes, the main nucleus of the Clandestine Rebellion return to rescue Metropolis, and this time there's quite a bit more to brace yourself for.

Underground Kraftwerk fan fic readers, rejoice!!

The second story in the Mensch-Maschine saga ~ Metropolis

Read on, and if you haven't caught on with the first story, here's the link:

The first story in the Mensch-Maschine saga ~ Trans-Europe Express

Until the next round...

Chapter 136 ~ Hey, it must be Thursday...

Top-20 Starian Union Radio time. ^_^

Thanks to Last.fm

1] "Down the Line" - Jose Gonzalez
2] "Love Will Tear Us Apart" - Jose Gonzalez
3] "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode
4] "The Perfect Kiss" [live take from video shoot] - New Order
5] "Mesh" - New Order
6] "Marcia Baila" - Les Rita Mitsouko
7] "Promised You a Miracle" - Simple Minds
8] "Goody Two Shoes" - Adam Ant
9] "Birdhouse In Your Soul" - They Might Be Giants
10] "The Headmaster Ritual" - The Smiths
11] "Turning Japanese" - The Vapors
12] "Almost With You" - The Church
13] "Whip It" - Devo
14] "Adorations" - Killing Joke
15] "Russian Roulette" - Lords of the New Church
16] "Nummern/Computerwelt 2" - New Order
17] "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others" - The Smiths
18] "Fine Time" - New Order
19] "Ceremony" [pre-Gillian Gilbert] - New Order
20] "Bizarre Love Triangle" - New Order

...wow... out of nowhere Jose Gonzalez is the dark horse!!

--CRAP! Almost forgot it's Thursday...

...which means it's the Top 20 WSUR up for this go-round.

Thanks once again to Last.fm

Now... due to the overload of Kraftwerk this past week [and by overload I'm talking "How many bloody times have I listened to the album Radio-Activity this past week!?"], I'm gonna try to post the songs, not the small bits that aided the album, and try to go from there.

This week's Top 20 WSUR--Starian Union Radio

1] "Radioactivity" - Kraftwerk
2] "Radioland" - Kraftwerk
3] "Antenna" - Kraftwerk
4] "Airwaves" - Kraftwerk
5] "Transistor" - Kraftwerk
6] "Ohm Sweet Ohm" - Kraftwerk
7] "Paper Planes" [DFA Remix] - M.I.A.
8] "Cellphone's Dead" - Beck
9] "Nummern/Computerwelt 2" - Kraftwerk
10] "Trans-Europe Express" [1977] - Kraftwerk
11] "Ringfinger" - Nine Inch Nails
12] "Australia" [Peter Bjorn and John Remix] - The Shins
13] "Expo 2000" [single edit] - Kraftwerk
14] "Open in Silence" - Mira
15] "Toy Soldiers" - Martika
16] "Dry" - Mira
17] "Computerwelt" - Kraftwerk
18] "Lights" - Editors
19] "Trans-Europe Express" [1991] - Kraftwerk
20] "Halo" - Depeche Mode

*Trans-Europe Express '77 is the title track to the original '77 album of the same name.
**Trans-Europe Express '91 is the remake that appears on the album The Mix.

*WHEW!* now I think I can go to bed now. *LOL*

Until the next round, Cheers!!

~ Sunshine

Chapter 135: Lately, I've Been Dreaming...

Artist of the day: José Gonzalez.

Cover: Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart"


Track of the day: "Down the Line"


Somehow, the way I've survived this week, it's beyond me. Seriously. Today's Inspection didn't happen [mostly because it got cancelled, and I didn't bother asking Manager Carlina as to the why of it]. And we have a new Manager from our South DeLand--Miss Carlina returns to our store. Yay! Yesterday was Kit's Birthday [candles, kudos and cheers!!] and so she, her boyfriend and I all went to the mall in Daytona. We made a new friend, Brandon, whom I haven't found a nickname for as of yet but, he's fit into the group perfectly. He's from Quebec, and, well... he'd just moved down here... with a green hoodie for new folks he's met to sign!! And yes, Kit, her boyfriend and I all signed it.

Meanwhile, I finally have my own Mokona--anyone remember "Magic Knight Rayearth" or currently up to date with "Tsubasa"?


Yeah, I know. I'm wierd. *LOL*

Oh, and Siren and I have been talking a bit more, which is good. Weather sounds alright where he is--freckin' 68 degrees in Iowa compared to bloody 90-some-odd degrees here in DeLand!! *grr* But, ah well. :-\ At the very least, it's good to hear from him again. It really is.

And... well, I did fail to mention I've been remixing pics every once in a while, the original pics being taken by a friend in England. I'm codenaming him Lincoln, particularly after his latest set of pics taken in Lincoln, England. But really, he's a very nice person, and pretty cool too, in my honest [and humble] opinion. And Siren, before you even open your mouth, he's already married...

So... well... I guess that's all for now. Things have looked up quite a bit since I put out my confession almost a week ago. That and I just finished another set of remixes, this time for another poster on the Opacity forum, whose latest set was cemeteries. And as we all know, I love a good set of cemetery pics. Especially if there are actual, good old-school tombstones worth oogling at, not the average new-school grave markers...



Yeah, that's the history nut in me showin' off. :-P

Until the next round, Cheers!!

~ "Sunny"

Chapter 134: Alright, I've got some updating to do...

Originally posted on my old blog, Chapter 2, first updated in Chapter 39 of this Blog, the second update was Chapter 77b...

1. Single or taken? [Happily taken.]
2. Do you have a crush on anyone? [Yes. Two in fact.]
3. Do they know? [One of the 2 do--heck, I'm dating him! And the other one might never know--he's all the way in Germany for goodness' sake!!]
4. Do you flirt a lot? [No, not really.]
6. Do cheaters deserve a 2nd chance? [Let me think--no. I've been done wrong more than enough to know better.]
7. Serious or Fun-loving? [I can be both, but it all depends on the situation. And lately I've been a bit too serious--except when I'm with Siren.]
8. Humor or Romance? [Both. Usually.]
9. Dark or light hair? [Dark--then again, it's blue for goodness' sake!! *LOL*]
[Still never really quite found Question #10. Sorry.]
11. Do you kiss strangers? [Nope. Not that stupid, really.]
12.Do you hug strangers? [Only if I know them well enough on a first-name basis.]
13. With who and how long was your longest relationship? [Two years, ex-fiance/now best friend.]
14. Do you believe in kissing when you are not together yet? [Well... *shrug* I'm not commenting on that one, really. Only one person I know knows THAT answer.]
15. Do you think about the opposite sex a lot? [Uhm... yeahuh?]
16. Have you ever slept at a friend of the opposite sex's house? [Yep. Quite a handful, mostly because they were just friends (no, seriously, JUST FRIENDS!!), and because after dancing the night away I wasn't up for driving all the way back to DeLand at ungodly-someodd in the morning. So I stayed over at a friend's, and we'd have breakfast and I'd drive back to DeLand on that day off. *LOL* Oh and, yes, I have stayed over at Siren's before.]
17. Do you tell your friends they are hot? [No... not really.]
18. Would you rather have a sweet, clever guy/girl or a wild, funny guy/girl? [I already have a sweet, clever, wild, funny guy... thank you very much. :-)]
19.Have you ever liked someone a lot who didn't like you back? [Yes, and by damn did I ever...]
20. Do you feel comfortable joking with your friends who are the opposite sex? [Damn straight I am!!]
21. Chocolates or flowers? [A bit of both. However (comma) I don't get either often so, when I do it's kinda special. Depends on the person who got them for me though.]
22. Have you ever been in the friends-with-benefits situation? [Ugh... yep. Plenty. Not exactly too proud of it at times also.]
23. Teddy Bear or Card? [What's so hard for both?]
24. Would it be sweet or annoying if someone of the opposite sex called just to say hi? [...sweet, I guess. I don't know.]
25. Ever felt like your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't like you? [Yes, unfortunately. At some point in my life.]
26. Ever been cheated on? [Ugh, yes.]
27. Ever done the cheating? [Only once, and it was in the name of revenge.]
28. Ever cried over a break up? [If I was the one getting dumped, yep. If I was the one dumping the guy, nope.]
29. Ever kissed or hugged your girlfriend/boyfriend in front of a parent? [Yep.]
30. Do you believe in miracles? [I have a lot of reasons to.]
31. Is it easy for you to get over people who were special to you? [Unfortunately, no.]
32. Have you ever made a birthday wish or blew on a dandelion? [Yep. Both.]
33. Have you ever had your heart broken? [Yep, plenty times...]

The Official Two Word Survey:
1. Yourself: [Uber. Quirky.]
2. Your car: [is gone.]
3. Your Hair: [Blue, cool.]
4. Your mother: [Which one?]
5. Your father: [Which one?]
6. Your Favorite Item: [iPod Nano.]
7. Your Dream Last Night: [My boyfriend.]
8. Your Favorite Drink: [Mocha Frappuccino.]
9. Your Dream Home: [My Apartment.]
10. The Room You Are In: [The Underground.]
11. Your Pet: [I've none!]
12. Your fear: [Untimely death.]
13. Where You Want to be in Ten Years: [Just happy.]
14. Who you hung out with last night: [Two friends.]
15. What You're Not: [Entirely exhausted...!]
16. Your Best Friend: [are plentiful!]
17. One of Your Wish List Items: [Meeting Kraftwerk!!]
18. Your Gender: [All girl!!]
19. The Last Thing You Did: [Music-listening.]
20. What You Are Wearing: [Work uniform.]
21. Your Favorite Weather: [Chilly/sunny.]
22. Your Favorite Book: [Martyr Book.]
23. The Last Thing You Ate: [Starburst candy.]
24. Your Life: [is strange.]
25. Your Mood: [Sorta bored.]
26. The last person you talked to on the phone: [My homegal!]

1. WHAT MADE YOU SMILE YESTERDAY? [That one pic of Ralf from Kraftwerk that Louise sent me!!]
2. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS MORNING? [Mid-Breakfast Rush. 'Nuff said.]
3. WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15 MINUTES AGO? [Somewhere between a survey and IM'ing my boyfriend.]
4. SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN 1995? [...hey, wasn't that the year I went to Disney World!? Or the year I got chicken pox and had to miss the 5th Grade Spelling Bee because of it!?]
5. LAST THING YOU SAID ALOUD? [Sweet Mother of God...]
6. HOW MANY DIFFERENT THINGS DID YOU DRINK TODAY? [Three: Iced Coffee, bottled water, and a Double-Mocha Frappuccino.]
7. WHERE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND RIGHT NOW? [Depends on which one you're talking about. Female best friend is in Miami. Male best friend is in Louisiana. Another female best friend is in town.]
8. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH? [Do I actually pay attention to that kind of stuff these days?]
9. WHAT IS OUT YOUR BACK DOOR? [My apartment has only one door.]
10. LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? [Lip gloss. Hee.]
11. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? [...hell, I don't remember...]
12. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FRONT DOOR? [White.]
13. WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR CHANGE? [COIN PURSE!!]
14. WHATS THE WEATHER LIKE TODAY? [Hot as hell. 'Nuff said.]
15. BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR? [Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Yum.]
16. SOMETHING YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT? [Seeing Siren again in less than 6 weeks--woohoo!!]
17. LAST RAINBOW YOU SAW? [Rainbows are actually bad news.]
18. WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR? [7 1/2.]
19. DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS? [Yep. I have one.]
20. ARE YOU VERY RANDOM? [I can be. And I usually am. Sometimes.]
21. DO YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR HAIR? [Trim, maybe. Otherwise, nope.]
22. ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 22? [Try 24 and a half!]
23. DO YOU TALK A LOT? [...]
24. DO YOU WATCH THE OC? [I don't think so.]
25. WHAT DAY DOES YOUR SCHOOL END THIS YEAR? [You mean what did DID my Senior Year end? Which in that case it was this month six years ago.]
26. DOES YOUR SCREEN NAME HAVE AN '' X '' IN IT? [Nope.]
27. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE CALLED STEVE? [Actually, yes. That's the boyfriend. Or Siren.]
28. DO YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS? [Pretty oftenish. *grin*]
29. ARE YOU TICKLISH? [Very. VERY. Ticklish.]
30. ARE YOU TYPICALLY A JEALOUS PERSON? [I can be, if necessary...]

*whew* I guess things haven't really changed much since I last did this, have they?

Until the next round...

Chapter 133: OMFG! HE'S SO HANDSOME!!! *squee!!*

...I'm sorry but, when it all comes down to it, Ralf Hütter from Kraftwerk can put my common sense six feet under. To me he's so the ish.

Photographic evidence: from Coachella Festival '08, California, a month and a half ago...



*nods* Yup, lookin' good for only 61 years old [or is that 62? not sure].

You know, it's been a while since I did a "I <3 Ralf Hütter from Kraftwerk and I cannot lie!!"-type post. I think I better start rummaging through pictures...

Hmm... *cue innocent halo*

P.S. Special thanks to my friend Louise [codename Transistor] for the pic!

~ me.