Chapter 140 ~ ...no seriously, this time it IS my fault.

You know it's my fault when the recent actions [er, see the last couple of Chapters here to read it all] I have undertaken has led the one I love to become... well...

emotionless.

And in the back of my mind, in my own opinion, it's my fault. Particularly for opening my mouth about what-all's been going wrong as of lately between Siren and I. That and the new fan-fic [Computer<3]. Yes, he read that as well.

Or, as I can only put it, once again I say stuff without thinking, and yet when I do think I can't get the words out right!

How could some senselessness on my end threaten to tear apart what three months strongly built...



I just wish it could just rain all day. Just a day, all day, no rest to such a thing as rain. Yes, of course that means I'll be armed with my umbrella all day, but that's fine. I'm just...

I just don't care now.

I feel so bad for being so harsh [is that the proper word for it?] about all this. And yes, maybe the fan fic seemed a bit out of line also, but now it's gone to the point where... well...

Let me put it this way--when Siren noted that he at the moment felt emotionless, my heart almost died. To be honest, I felt worse than guilty, and by right I should be.

I don't know what really possessed me to think the way I did, but I never realized that this would be the result of my actions. And I guess I'm paying the price for my irrational thinking.

If God could grant me one wish right now, one answer to prayer, it would be to somehow start over again. To get things right with Siren. Except, the one problem to it all is, he's in Iowa, I'm in Florida, he's busy all day with work and then off to the gym for a couple of hours or so, all week. And we hardly get to talk anymore now...



I want to start over, to make things right again.

Problem is, how--especially when things are a mess because of me!? AGAIN!?



v.v' *sigh* Kit's inviting me out for a stroll through Wal*Mart. A good cry-fest on her shoulder sounds good right about now, and the only thing I can do now is just let him be for a while...