Are relationships really worth a second chance?
After everything I've been through, with 24 years about to come to a close, I'm looking back on the circumstances I've landed in.
My not-exactly-official first boyfriend in sixth grade, Ariel [yes, it's a boy, we're still friends, now shutthefuckup!], and I didn't last very long. It was mostly because we were horrendously teased when we were together. Sadly, we grew to be enemies through the rest of our middle-school years. After not seeing each other for 3 and a half years, we reunited during the last half of our Senior Year. We're still friends. We just haven't talked in so long. *shrug*
First boyfriend Gerry [he's two years older than me], when I was in 8th grade. We were in Saturday Catechism classes, he was a mentor in another confirmation class and I was attending one. My class acted out the Christmas play and I played the angel. Gerry fell for the angel. We broke up the first time around after two months, got back together after over a year or so, only to break up again. Another odd sad bit was that, he's gay. I was the only girl he ever fell for.
There'd been few and far in between, and of course they never really did work out. There were only two times ever that I asked for a second chance--the first go was Pouncer, but that second chance didn't work out either. First time around, we were engaged. Now he's in Louisiana [HEY POUNCER!!], but we still keep in touch. He's one of the dearest best buddies a technopop/goth/new wave/punk rock girl could ever ask for, thank God!
The second begging of a second chance came to my last ex, Mike, but sadly that was to be turned down rather quickly.
And after all that I had been through, the heart shattering more than enough times, I can't help but think, Why am I so foolish to crush on someone that I can't even tell about so much!? [Yes, there's still this one hopeless crush, and he only knows that, it brings a smile on my face to see him. He thinks it's cool that he's made my day.] But still...
Was sind die Vorteile... what are the odds... that this small-town royal-blooded, poor working-class girl living in a tiny apartment, no car of her own, struggling badly to make it through to management and live on whatever means she has, who spends her free time daydreaming about a better world, listening to music and typing her fingers away in a blog, praying for the day when her miseries will end...
what are the odds that her worth could be truly found?
What worth am I, really? What hope is there for this poor working-class girl struggling to get by while living life to the best of her ability? And what odds are there, really, that if I tell that one hopeless crush that I've got an admiration for him, that he'd probably find that neato and whatnot?
By the way, on a much lighter note, my friend Ali posted up some really cute stuff on her MySpace...
And my personal favorite, which is what I'll close this entry with tonight--
Heh, until the next round, folks...
~ 'Sunshine'
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