[Currently playing: 'The Scientist' by Coldplay - album: 'A Rush of Blood to the Head.']
Today it actually rained all day, and it was a fairly lonely day [except for the crazy coworkers, of course]. Someone from my strange life is missing.
It's a fairly sad thing to look around my apartment and, to have no one around to talk to. The phone line is quiet, except for the bleep of the phone telling me that someone AIM'd me. And the only noise in the place is the mix of Coldplay that I recently put together...
See You Soon.
Spies.
Sparks.
Yellow.
Trouble.
High Speed.
We Never Change.
In My Place.
The Scientist.
Green Eyes.
Warning Sign. *currently playing now*
A Rush of Blood to the Head.
Amsterdam.
White Shadows.
Fix You.
A Message.
Swallowed in the Sea.
It dawned on me today that I miss my boyfriend more than I know or give myself credit for. It actually kinda hurts a little. It's more like an empty feeling, like a hole in your heart [in this case a pair of glasses-shaped hole in my heart] that, really, no one else can fill. That kind of pain.
I know he's alright, so why does my heart grieve so much?
I guess... I guess I just miss so much that made my summer surprisingly fun. I miss the days I actually would vent about my day to him and he'd actually hear me out. And I miss the days when we'd just hang out at the apartment or dorm and just do nothing, absolutely nothing, except to enjoy each other's company.
Pathetic to admit that, I actually miss having someone to talk to. Someone that I don't work with. Someone I could truly be myself around, without being criticized.
Damn, it scares me to really feel like this!!
*sigh* So alas, here I am, typing away my nerves. But considering that next to NO ONE reads what on earth I have to say [except for a small handful of friends... maybe], and the added fact that the only people around to hear me cry/scream/bitch/complain about ANYTHING are my coworkers [again, *sigh*], what else am I to do?
'Aww, but Sunshine, can't you call him??' - Uh, no. NEWS FLASH: I don't have his number. Shut up about it already, please, and get over it. A thousand thanks.
'So what are you going to do then, Sunshine??' - Simple. It's called 'patience', and I intend to excercise it. Even if it damn near kills me. No joke.
'And the guys hitting on you...' - ...can damn near all go to hell for all I care. I'm not gonna go astray just because my guy's at least two hours away!!
Speaking of guys hitting on me [and failing by a long shot!!], this week--yesterday and this morning, to be exact!--two different guys were attempting to get my attention. Of course, they crashed and burned. Big time.
With that humorsome intro, let's analyze the latest rejects, shall we?
Yesterday morning - some guy had two orders [damn, I hate when that happens, sometimes], he had his buddy in the car with him. Of course, he's not the kind of person I'd go after anyway. So he's oogling me while I'm trying desperately to take orders and get change taken care of. [Come on--it was 6:30 in the morning!! Seriously!!] I give the guy his change, and he's like, 'I like your hair, makes you look hot.' Of course, I *always* have a witty comeback ready, in this case it was 'Well you should hear what my boyfriend says about my hair'. The guy's comeback [oh, this one's a classic... target for a put-down, that is!]: 'Well, I like your hair and I'm not your boyfriend.' I just gave him a weird look and told him his orders would be at the second window. I then thought, WTFH!?, and that was the end of that matter.
This morning - idiot rednecks [I have NOTHING against rednecks in general, but these two were just complete piss-offs] don't have half a clue what they want. Considering this is, oh, 5:30 in the morning, I'm good and ready to cuss someone out [as I hadn't had my morning cup of iced coffee yet!!] because it takes TWO AND A HALF FUCKING MINUTES TO GET THEIR ORDER!! Bloody sods. I was not amused. So the two guys show up at my window, and the driver's like, 'Oh, and, uh, can I get your number on the receipt?' My response [possibly the best put-down I've done in a while...!] was a new classic in the lines of, 'Not unless you wanna get beat-up by my 6-foot-4 boyfriend.' The driver was like, 'Oooh, never mind then', his passenger buddy laughed his ass off and Ross [our regional Maintenance man] was like, 'Now that's something I'd go for!!' Best laughs of the morning after the guys left.
So yeah, I guess you can say that, all in all it's been a laugh-out-loud worth-it-all of a time rejecting guys left, right and center. Because let's face it: my days of being an all-around flirt are as good as over, really. Sure I'll have a laugh or two with a regular of the male species, who I'm cool with, but come on. I am officially a one-guy gal, for goodness' sake!!
Problem is, society seems okay with the whole adultery/cheating issue. And, while I'm not one to judge on it, I'm not one to allow it, at least, in my life. I've had my share of drama around the struggle to stay faithful. And I'll be honest, I've had my share of misadventures in the dating department [some that I'm actually a bit ashamed of myself over!!], so who am I to say that I've had a good love life? Cupid's dealt with me well--he's not my enemy now, but considering my boyfriend is an out-of-towner and leaving for another country soon, I can't help but wonder, while I've really lucked out, why I chose to surrender myself to such a predicament.
Why, you ask, does Sunshine put herself through such misery?
Simple: because, more than anyone [except for God, of course!] or anything, I love him.
That's why I listen to sad love songs almost every day. That's why I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes. That's why I don't always talk, because there isn't a single thing worth saying. That's why my heart hurts more than ever before. That's why I stay loyal, telling so-called potential suitors to, simply, fuck off.
That's why I'm typing this up, even if it doesn't fully make sense.
So, with all this mess going on, it's a thrill to hear that school [yay Stetson!!] will start up again this month. [Holy FAC'n EGG!! It's already August!? Daaammmn!!] But, it does make me wonder--
Before 7 September hits and it's time for the boyfriend to go, before the true test of loyalty and love is put to the test, I have to wonder--
will I ever see him again?
...until the next round...
~ 'Sunshine'
[currently playing: 'See You Soon' by Coldplay, 5:32 P.M.]
No comments:
Post a Comment