In all honesty, I can't say I'm in a damn good mood today, even though it's Friday.
First and foremost, a really crap picture I took of myself an hour ago:
[dark blue or purple? you decide. friday 24 august 2007.]
Last night and this morning I tried to make my hair a darker blue. When I got out of the shower it looked dark blue. When I saw the mirror at work, my jaw nearly kissed the floor--my hair looked purple. So of course, my initial reaction is, 'What the bloody hell...', with this kind of face:
And then I opted not to think it over anymore; after all, it's just a color. At least it's not dark brown.Things were fine until after my break, when Store Manager Joel decides to stick me in the drive-thru window of death [or, the drive-thru present (or second) window]. Now usually things go alright when I'm in the back drive-thru but, as Barb once noted, when they place me anywhere but there, things go wrong. Very wrong. Unfortunately, Joel was probably a bit too positive to note that. And Assistant Manager Lowanda did give a bit of a helping hand, as did Coworker Gwen. Unfortunately, things just got out of hand, I nearly lost my cool, and not many of the whole crew around were much of a help. Felt like doing this:
Add on top of the fact of the matter that two weeks from today Mikey leaves for Scotland, and I won't be able to see him again until January. Bad enough our relationship isn't in much of a good state of matters, so that just adds to the glum I'm in. Love is an absolute hell. No joke.
Cried a bit on my way to the Underground, as I'm in such an ill mood that I'm really not up for a smile. So now I'm more of a total wreck than someone excited for the weekend. The way things are going, I'm not sure I really want to do anything for the rest of the summer. Except maybe cry--and that's just in my spare time! Yeah, I'm that miserable, fellow Excelsians.
All I want to do is hide from the face of the world
,cry until I get a good, strong headache from hell
,read [or, in my case, write] some miserable poetry
,and just not give half a damn about life anymore
.Unfortunately, with temple services this evening, that's not really an option at the moment. So, for now, I'll just share a bit of music from my latest StarMix, one for the brokenhearted such as I. They also happen to be the songs of the day:
Chantal Kreviazuk - "Turn the Page" ~ I first heard of her with 'In This Life' from around 3 and a half years ago, but this became my favorite track from her album What If It All Means Something? Somewhat suits me well today.
Coldplay - "Fix You" ~ Okay, call me an absolute spaz for liking Coldplay, but this is one of those songs that just scream HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, SUNSHINE!! I usually hear this when I need a good cry.
Lisa Loeb - "How?" ~ Dedicated to the people and things that just broke my heart to shreds. You know exactly who you are. Mike, forgive me but, you're on this list too. Still love you though.
The Terrible Sea - "NWA" ~ Flashback from Chapter 44, when things weren't so bad, and I wasn't so miserable. Alas, in the end, all I can do is cry.
X Japan - "Crucify My Love" ~ And, a Japanese band with English lyrics. A very, very sad song. Suits me just as well.
i wonder,
whatever happened to
the love i gave to others?
the joy
that once
was there,
the happiness that was as clear as the joyous sun,
the hope that shone through
the darkness of chaos--
all of this has disappeared.
what all is left to do?
all i have loved has abandoned me,
all i have known are tears and despair.
i don't really know what to do,
where to go,
how to feel.
i just don't know anymore.
the heart of the sun
has just experienced
the beginning of
its solar eclipse...
and i'm scared to find out what happens next.
what's going to go wrong now?
what more could happen
which threatens to tear
my quiet world apart?
i'm not ready to...
i'm not ready to fight on this way.
i just can't do it.
~ Jenn [until the next round]
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