Damnit, somehow I knew, in the worst of my gut, that I was right. And it hurts. It really hurts right now.
When I look back on all we've been through... it's strange, isn't it? And yet, things were alright. But... was I blind and foolish to think that, of all things, this would go on alright, somehow?
Was I, am I really this pathetic, this much of a dreamer? If so, I may damn well put myself as permanently single.
I mean, I never thought things were going to crash and burn they way they did but... alas, I am back on the singlehood butcher block of death. It is NOT the best place to be, to be honest with you guys here.
So I'm quietly preparing my black longsleeves for the week because, let's face it. This week's going to be just downright miserable. I can't really find anything positive to talk about. Not even my new friend the guy at the new caffe in Downtown DeLand's worth talking about, even though he's a good person to talk to, and a punk [just like me]. Nothing cheerful, nothing happy, to talk about because, let's face it--the 'solar eclipse' that I'm going through just got worse.
Perhaps... that's why it rained last night on me a little... when I was heading home from the Underground? Because it really was over, and I never really noticed it 'til now?
I'm quietly, emotionally, somehow drowning in this. All the memories, the words that were spoken, laughter and tears, all the time that was spent... and for what?
Indeed, were all in vain?
To be honest, it's impossible right now to count the tears that I've been fighting back. And there's nothing that could really be done to fix it. We've had our time together, all was fine, and then he went away, and I thought things would be well.
Dear God, I was wrong. Horribly wrong.
There's always hope though...
Maybe, maybe we'll be together again; come January he'll be back. Things will be fine. All will be well. And we'll be together again. Just maybe, something will happen over time, and things will be well resolved. And maybe we'll get back together. There's still hope... right?
...fucking hell, who am I kidding? I'm still in love but, it's all over, and there's nothing I can do to change that.
And that's the worst part of it all. That I can't do a thing about it.
~ 'Sunshine'
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