codename ~ SUNSHINE

A lot of life to have lived in a quarter-century.

Sure, I've come a long way since I came to earth on Tuesday 4 October 1983, but it's been an interesting long way! When I was 21 I didn't think I'd live to see this particular tomorrow [and I actually almost landed true to my word at the time], but here I am. Almost 25.

Almost 25.

It almost scares me but, I'm happy I've made it this far! I have wonderful parents, both my natural parents and their own spouses [my StepParents]; I have three younger siblings that I just love, at least 3 sets of Grandparents still alive, at least 1 Great-Grandparent [Grams from my StepMom's Mom's side] still alive. And a story or two of my Great-Grandmother Ana Julia who died 25 years, 6 months ago, from breast cancer--I'm wearing a pink ribbon all month in her memory. And the memory of my Great-Grandpa Leo [affectionately known in our family as "Pipo"], who's watching over me and the family now [he died some 7 years ago]. I have dear friends, my 10 best friends God can provide [Moonhead, Pouncer, Hikari, Kit and Hector, Sissy Boo and Sissy Too, Neko Ich and Neko Ni, and Neonlicht (yes, Louise has a codename now at last!!)], a crazy but lovable bunch of coworkers and Managers [yes, even my favorite Goober that is Manager Joshua], and my Jewish extended family. I have a calling to my Choir and the Carillon, to the Episcopal frame of faith, a home within God's Church. And I have my boyfriend Roboter--long distance be damned, he is among the closest to my heart; God knows what-all, good and bad, we'd been through, and we're still standing by each other.

I really have been blessed these past 25 years, when you give it some thought.

However, before I go further I need to stop for one moment and think back to 16 souls that, in the past 6 months, have altered my attitude a little about life and death...

~ Rabbit's mom
~ Edward's niece
~ Connie's husband
~ Corky's husband
~ Hester
~ Juan's dad
~ Jeff's dad
~ Taubin's two pet dogs Lulu and Bozo
~ Ben's dog [forgot the name--sorry]
~ Sissy Too's dad
~ Normita's brother
~ Sarah's daughter's cousin
~ Paul's dad
~ Andie's dad
~ ...and I know there was one more--I will amend this post [or make a new one] as soon as I get the list back [Sissy Boo's borrowing it at the moment]

May they and all the souls of the faithful departed,
by the grace and mercy of God,
rest in peace. + Amen.

ALRIGHT! back to brighter things. Like tomorrow!

Tomorrow while Roboter's at a newscaster's convention I'll be with Sissy Boo working on a special project for work with pictures. And then I don't know what-all I'll be doing for the rest of the day as of yet. But I know there'll be a lot of music involved, that's for sure. And pictures. I promise there'll be pictures! :-)

So... well, I guess that's it. There isn't much else to say other than, I'd already welcomed October with open arms and a baseball bat. It's been a bitch being 24, between the deaths and the break-ups; but there'd also been tight-knit friendships and a love that can handle the 1,200 miles too! So hey, life may suck at times, but there's still hope. I still have things I want to do within this next year.

Like have Roboter over in Florida. Or visit him up in New York.

So, here's to the first 25 years,
and another 25--and MANY MORE--to come!

Let's celebrate--I propose the first toast:

!!לחיים
L'chaim--to life!!

~ me, real name jennifer,
codename SUNSHINE

codename ~ FEARLESS

I can't be afraid of everything forever.

There are a whole lot of things that I'm afraid. Oh, where the hell is that list from that certain Chapter...

ah, here it is! Reposting from Chapter 54 [Thursday 30 August 2007] the entire, and amending as necessary, list of fears I have to deal with. [Fears in brackets and italicised are the fears I've gotten over since I posted this.]

Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Algophobia- Fear of pain.
Altophobia- Fear of heights.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Astraphobia or Astrapophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Ceraunophobia, Keraunophobia)
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.

Ballistophobia- Fear of missiles or bullets.
Batophobia- Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.
Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles. (Aichmophobia)
Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.

[Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.]
Ceraunophobia or Keraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)
Cnidophobia- Fear of stings.
Counterphobia- The preference by a phobic for fearful situations.
Cynophobia- Fear of dogs or rabies.

Dementophobia- Fear of insanity.
Dystychiphobia- Fear of accidents.

[Enosiophobia or Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.]

Gephyrophobia or Gephydrophobia or Gephysrophobia- Fear of crossing bridges.

Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.

[Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.]
Insectophobia - Fear of insects.

[Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.]
Keraunophobia or Ceraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)

Lilapsophobia- Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.

Maniaphobia- Fear of insanity.
Melissophobia- Fear of bees.
Myctophobia- Fear of darkness.

Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things.
Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.

Odynophobia or Odynephobia- Fear of pain. (Algophobia)
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)

Panthophobia- Fear of suffering and disease.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th.
[Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.]
Ponophobia- Fear of overworking or of pain.
Pyrophobia- Fear of fire.

Scoleciphobia- Fear of worms.
Snakephobia- Fear of snakes. (Ophidiophobia)
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
[Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others.]
Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps.

Taeniophobia or Teniophobia- Fear of tapeworms.
Taphephobia or Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Taurophobia- Fear of bulls.
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia- Fear of death or dying.
Tonitrophobia- Fear of thunder.
Topophobia- Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
[Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.]

That last fear, by the way, I got over it with lots of help from my [Step]Mom and her fellow Nurses. :-) That should tell y'all something.

Besides the regular fears above, there are many things I prefer to be nowhere-near-afraid of.

I am not afraid of
being myself,
being a Child of God,
the work I do
and the certain sense of pride there is in that,
living life to the best I can live it,
being a working-class punk,
falling in love with someone 1,200 miles away,
telling the people I love that I love 'em,
standing up to what I believe in,
educating people whether in music or in life,
making people laugh just by acting semi-stupid,
taking certain risks in certain situations,
speaking my mind as loud as certain situations dictate,
being positively nuts,
being a tough girl if need be,
being honest with others,
being honest with myself,
being loved,
being human.

I have fears, and then there's my regularly-scheduled courageous self. And I'd like to stay that way.

~ me, codename FEARLESS

codename ~ TARGET

Today, this is my best friend...

This is the Carillon at Saint B's. The Saint Cecilia Guild is responsible for playing the Carillon on Sunday mornings, before and after the 11 A.M. service. I am one of the members of said Guild, and last night at Church for dinner and Discipleship class our leader, Lee, was talking a bit with me and Sue [fellow Alto and Carillonneur--that's the proper term for a Carillon player] and, on the spot, asked me to be Carillonneur for this month. Slightly taken aback but humored nonetheless I was like, "Sure! I'll do it!"

Well, today I was more than thrilled to be reunited with the Carillon in more than a year--almost two years to be honest, let alone since I started! In fact, it's made my day--allow me to explain my day otherwise in the following two sentences:

And just how the hell did I end up on everyone's "Get Pissed Off At" lists for today? WTF did I do!?

For some reason, a good majority of, well, everybody has been upset at me over something or another; about 95% of it wasn't even my fault, while the other 5% had to be something or another that I did or didn't mean to do, whether I was working or not. And God only knows what I did to get everyone so upset at me today--I JUST DON'T FCUKING GET IT!! And even the boyfriend got a bit minor snap-happy, just moments after I arrived at Church to practice on the Carillon.

The only noise I've kinda made since was the noise of the Carillon Bells, as it seems that today is just NOT the kind of day for me to be opening my mouth. And I feel that considering the way today's been going, I'm opting to just keep my mouth shut today. Who knows? Maybe I'll walk another half an hour after this back to the Carillon [if the doors at Canterbury House are still open!] and practice some more. I need to refamiliarise myself with it as I'll be mad-rushing between Choir practice, then Carillon, then running to the Church with seconds before the Processional Hymn to spare, the Service itself, and then after the Recessional Hymn high-tail it back to the Carillon to play for some 15-20 minutes. So OF COURSE I'll need a nap first thing I get home.

*sigh* But anywho, yeah, that's what had me going today. And I am not amused.

The Starian Union Random 20 *the birthday edition* for today, Thursday 2 October 2008
Theme: All New Order, All The Time
1] "Shellshock" [12" extended version]
2] "Turn"
3] "Leave Me Alone"
4] "Dreams Never End"
5] "Vanishing Point"
6] "Mesh"
7] "True Faith"
8] "Blue Monday '83"
9] "Regret"
10] "Thieves Like Us"
11] "Working Overtime"
12] "The Perfect Kiss" [12" full version]
13] "Mr. Disco"
14] "Everything's Gone Green" [Martin Buttrich Remix]
15] "Krafty" [Riton ReRub]
16] "State of the Nation
17] "Procession"
18] "Bizarre Love Triangle"
19] "Best and Marsh"
20] "Temptation '87"

Back to the Carillon I go, I suppose. I don't really think there is much else worth doing today. My job here is done.

*One minor note--the boyfriend DID apologise by the way. I've forgiven him, but I haven't texted him yet. The way today's been going I think that the best course of action at the moment is to just keep my damn mouth shut!*

~ me, codename TARGET

codename ~ STRONGER

There are tears to cry, but even after the storm the clouds of chaos clear. And it's been a rough time being 24, but my head's a lot clearer since I had yesterday's codename blogpost. I really needed to vent. I really needed to say what I felt should've been said.

That said, I have to admit, I'm a lot better now than I was yesterday. God's got my back, who the hell do I have to fear?


That's right: absolutely NOTHING.


I'm welcoming this month with open arms and a baseball bat. I think I'm ready to take on this month in full force. Who knows? This might be my month!

Welcome, oh welcome October. Let the fun begin!

P.S. Thanks to the many strong handful of y'all who stood by me yesterday and are standing by me now; you know who you are. And I love you all. Thank you for understanding the state I'd been in, and for the simple whim of being there. You have no idea how much this has lifted me up, knowing that I'm not alone. Cheers!

~ me, codename STRONGER

codename ~ HELPLESS

For a long time there'd always been a part of me that, when it seems that everything has kinda gone from bad to worse and then some, cries in a corner of my mind one little sentence that just about sums it up:

I give up.

I know, it shouldn't be like me of this but, there are tears that I want to cry but can't. There are words that I have to say but can't. There are trials and tribulations that I want to overcome, but can't. All because life is sometimes just too much to bear. And while I know that God won't leave or forsake me, there are times when I just want to scream "Hey God--ARE YOU OUT THERE!?" at the top of my lungs... but I can't.

Because life and society doesn't really give a damn. And it hurts.

It hurts at the end of the day when, after trying to tell myself time and again that things are going to be alright, the day itself just crashes and burns. It hurts when the day commits suicide around me and all I can do is stand in the middle of its ruins, defenseless. Helpless. A minor yet major failure.

It hurts when I need to cry, but I can't. And then it harbors itself inside me until, finally, something to set me off. All hell breaks loose. And I explode. And to see me cry... it breaks the Store Manager's heart when I cry at work. But what all could he have done to prevent the pain from taking over? Nothing--because sometimes he adds on to the tears. So yes, it should break his heart when mine's already shattered. When all the day's hopes have died and there isn't anything I or anyone can do about it.

Throughout these past couple of weeks I was going to try to attempt 21 codename posts, one each day leading up to this Friday. And simply put, work has worn me out. And it's been horrendous. It's been pointless. My attempt on trying to find the good things about me became a failure when all I can see are the mishaps, the lost hopes, the tears. The failures. This has not been a good year being 24. And it's only going to get harder, it's only going to get worse, before anything gets better.

I am truly not looking forward to celebrating my Quarter-Century anymore. My heart's just not in it. There isn't anything worth celebrating anymore. All of a sudden I am shoved into the fear of the fact that, yes, I was an accident. [Long story about the implications but that's basically what happened between the parents. *shrug* What?] That yes, perhaps I wasn't meant to exist. That yes, maybe I was meant to be a failure in the end.

The truth to it is, in God's eyes I am no accident, I am meant to exist, I am no failure. But... it's hard to keep my eyes on the truth when they're blurred with helpless tears.

Because it's hard to face the world when you're a poor, working-class drive-thru girl trying to make ends meet, living paycheck to paycheck and thanking God that at least you can make the rent and the cell phone and try not to starve.

Because it's hard to face the world when you've got no mode of transport other than walking, as gas prices are pointless, and you can only make enough to survive but can't afford a transport--except for $1.25 on the Votran Route 60 to the mall in Daytona and $1.25 back to DeLand, and that's IF you can afford to go to the mall to treat yourself!

Because it's hard to face the world when you've grown up most of your life being teased, called names, emotionally abused to the point where you think that no one really loves you, that no one really believes in you. When you're called names and made the punchline of jokes in school. When you're the outcast most of your life in a town that has no tolerance for outcasts. When the damage is done that, two years in a new town you still don't feel like you belong, and almost commit suicide if not for your best friend who'll always be there somehow.

Because it's hard to face the world when the world, and society, stereotypes you just because of how you look, what you believe. When the world is trying to convince you that you need to be a certain way of this person or that person, that you need to look or act a certain way in order to belong. When the world thinks you need to fit the stereotype they cast you in, and hates you when you step out of line. When the world discriminates you because of who you are, how you act, whether your hair is dark brown or deep blue, what you wear. When you're defenseless as the world accuses you of what they think is wrong that you've done.

This past quarter-century I'd seen and heard enough to feel the pain, to numb the nerves, to break the heart, to cry the tears. I've had the honor of being in the aftermath of many a death among my family and friends, I've had the pain of saying good-bye to too many friends. I looked suicide in the eyes at the age of 21 and survived when I didn't think I'd make the Quarter-Century. But now I've near-reached that unlikely threshold, and this one question remains, after all this time--

dear God, what have I become?

I never wanted to be in this state of despair just days before my birthday. But it's the end of September, October starts tomorrow, and with that begins the next three days that promise to be miserable the way things have been these last handful of days. Part of me feels like I'm still struggling, still trying to stay strong, still holding on. Most of me feels like it's all been a failure. And I wish I didn't feel like that most of me. But it's hard to when all I feel is hopeless about these next few days, and when I'm entirely helpless in trying to do something, anything about it.

Originally I was going to post a few songs but, today I'm in a very numb state. Not really in the best of moods. And I still need to cry some tears before anything runs from bad to worse. Something's got to give. So for this post I'm only going to post one song--perhaps the only proper song to sum up how I've been feeling lately.
"Hurt" - Johnny Cash


I don't have much else to say other than, in the immortal words of Ira Girshwin,
Life's a bore--the world is my oyster no more!


~ me, codename HELPLESS

codename ~ CHAOTIC

This week was alright... up until yesterday afternoon, when basically all hell kinda broke loose, so your music post will be up... NOW.

The Starian Union Radio Random 20 for yesterday, Thursday 25 September 2008
Theme ~ Indie Intelligence [Through the Years]
1] "Finish Line" - Michael [2002]
2] "Lost In The Supermarket" - The Clash [1979]
3] "Hang Me Up To Dry" - Cold War Kids [2007]
4] "Radiation Vibe" - Fountains of Wayne [1996]
5] "Fans" - Kings of Leon [2007]
6] "Shut Up And Let Me Go" - The Ting Tings [2008]
7] "Mayor Of Simpleton" - XTC [1989]
8] "Down The Line" - Jose Gonzalez [2007]
9] "Handle With Care" - Jenny Lewis + Watson Twins [2006]
10] "Your Woman" - White Town [1997]
11] "Young Folks" - Peter Bjorn + John [2006]
12] "Don't You Evah" - Spoon [2007]
13] "I Feel It All" [Britt from Spoon Remix] - Feist [2007]
14] "Monster Hospital" - Metric [2005]
15] "Like Eating Glass" - Bloc Party [2005]
16] "A-Punk" - Vampire Weekend [2008]
17] "Australia" [Peter Bjorn + John Remix] - The Shins [2007]
18] "No One's Gonna Love You" - Band of Horses [2007]
19] "Procession" - New Order [1981]
20] "Simple Economics" - Pedro The Lion [2000]

Song of the Day ~ I'd been searching like mad for literally MONTHS for this song. I'd only heard it, er, twice? All I remembered was the "When you're nothing but a boyfriend" line from the chorus. Found it today and I'm so freckin' thrilled! So much so that, it's become my Song of the Day!
"Simple Economics" - Pedro the Lion


Song of the Week ~ From the compilation The Emo Diaries - Chapter Nine: Sad Songs Remind Me [which I'd found earlier this week and am listening to like mad all over again], the one song I'd heard on the radio a couple of years ago. Literally. It stuck in my head since. And I just rediscovered this gem--not only is it on the Indie Intelligence StarMix for the Random 20, it's also my Song of the Week.
"Finish Line" - Michael


Album of the Week ~ Another gem from the great indie compilation is the 8th track, which I'm utilising as the spotlight on the Album of the Week, which is the aforementioned Emo Diaries 9. A great tune to bop my head along to.
"When The Light Becomes Green" - Settlefish


Remix of the Week ~ Another rediscovery is this tune I heard this morning, which I actually hadn't heard in a while. The original, found on the album The Reminder, has been a favorite of mine for a while. Feist does an amazing job with the brilliant acoustic guitar of hers, and the album has her playing the piano too, I think! But there's something about a remix that makes me drift along and hum along and, this does that for me. Britt from Spoon did some proper remixing, and considering I haven't heard it in weeks it sounds pretty new to me. And I love it! It's the Remix of the Week.
"I Feel It All" [Britt from Spoon Remix] - Feist


I know I've mentioned Jose Gonzalez before but I am in love with the album In Our Nature which features the song I'd first heard of him by.
"Down The Line" - Jose Gonzalez


I remember I first saw the video for this song. I got the nerves scared stupid out of me. I prefer the song!!
"Monster Hospital" - Metric


And finally, for some old-school--NO I'm not posting the Clash this time!!--the song I chose is a long-time favorite of mine. This was when the band was still trying to figure out just what the heck they were doing with their music. The year at the time was 1981, a year after their former lead singer Ian Curtis committed suicide. This track is, in my opinion, one of their finest moments in their musical career.
"Procession" - New Order


Meanwhile, this week was nothing short of chaotic. National People Week at work. Dubbed McDonald's Crew Appreciation Week, which is basically what it is. Many pictures were taken, which, when I get more energy and time, I will gladly post on here. But yesterday was just too damn trying, and today wasn't really any better. Store Manager Joel knows I'm worse for wear right now, and probably thankful I'm off for the weekend. Except, all I know is that, next week's schedule isn't posted yet, and I'm basically in on Monday A.M. according to Joel. Which means that chances are I'll be off next Saturday, for my Quarter-Century. Which that itself means, I'll be absofreckin'lutely BORED.

Parents will be busy with kid siblings' games.
Friends and coworkers busy with work and/or out of town.
Boyfriend at a convention.
Best friend still in DC.
Hometown best friends at work.

And basically, that means I'll be celebrating both before AND after, but not on the day of. And that's really, REALLY going to suck.

I think I shall make myself a copy of this StarMix for the day for myself, an early Birthday present if you will, which I'll gladly listen to on my Birthday. All by my Goddarn lonesome.

*sigh* What a way to celebrate the great 2-5.

~ me, codename CHAOTIC

codename ~ BELOVED

To be honest, I was going to wait another week or so before this particular post, but as of lately, let's be honest here:

my heart hasn't felt this sound in nearly ages.

I'm slowly approaching the quarter-century [less than two weeks to go!] and, for all I care, I can't get the words out right. Not when I realize that, there's been someone there for me all this time--11 months and 3 days since he and I met to be exact!! And that, all the while that I'd faced the likes of Cupid being rather stupid... that chances are that we never really stopped thinking about each other...

...isn't that right, Roboter?

So yes, I've had my share of tears--I'd been a girlfriend and all the while been dumped. Time and time again. In the end of things I ended up the friend. And of all my ex-boyfriends, only two are among my best friends in the entire universe--
~ Pouncer [yes, my best buddy, we dated, got serious, broke up... and realised that we were better as the best of friends after all, and still are to this day!]
~ Hikari [who every once in a while takes me out to lunch so we can catch up on life's drama in our respective corners of the world].

And in the midst of my tears I kept thinking, hoping that there was someone out in this world for me. And I realised some weeks ago that, there really is someone out there for me.

1,200 miles out there for me, to be exact!

For those of you who cheered, It's Roboter, Captain!!, give yourself a cookie and tell 'em I said it was okay. Hell, have two! Or gosh! why not just share the whole damn cookie jar!? I'm in love! I'M IN LOVE FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!

Because, no one else I know of could ever make me feel like life's worth holding on when the worst of it brings me to tears, when death crosses my path again and again. When work is unbearable on either end and all we can do is lift each other up somehow. When life's dilemmas cause headaches enough for the both of us.

Sunday 19 October will be the 1-year anniversary since--thank you Facebook!!--Roboter and I became friends. Over, of course, this group right here...
"Nummern/Computerwelt 2" - Kraftwerk


And between talking Ralf und Florian, Trans-Europa and the recent touring drama [*sigh* STILL no Florian...], after 11 months it's safe to say that, with constant communication a long-distance relationship CAN flourish!! And between the both of us, it's blossoming quite nicely.

Because after Siren broke up with me, mainly over the pointlessness of putting up with long distance [he was in Iowa when that happened... in June... uh-huh], I once thought we could've worked things out when he returned; that never happened because of the implications [full-time student + full-time worker + long-distance between deland and merritt island *WHICH ISN'T EVEN MUCH!!* = next-to-no time for me = siren ~ that's my equation and i'm sticking to it!]. And yet now he's with someone new. But you know... he doesn't matter to me anymore. Not when I realise that, I've proven him wrong over long-distance relationships. And I'm even happier NOW than when I was dating him!! When Siren broke up with me, Roboter was the first to know, and all the while as things were going from bad to worse, he [Roboter] was there for me through the better and not-so-great of times. And we're still holding each other's hand somehow through all of this.

Siren, if you only knew just how much I learned from you so much--that I probably didn't mean as much to you as I thought I meant. That you'd unexpectedly, unnecessarily disregard me as your internship progressed. That you'd break up with me when I didn't need to go through that untimely mess. That you'd ultimately break my heart, over a stupid triviality. Well... yes, you moved on. And thank the Lord above, so have I. And happily, because you made me not give up over someone who, I've realised, has been on my side all along, more than you'll ever be for me. He and I have made the effort--more than you'd expect. Just thought I'd send you a little anti-love song your way...
"Forget I Ever Knew You" - Clay Aiken


*WHEW!!* Alright, that done, trying to type and talk with my sweetheart is no easy matter right now but, considering it was crazy enough we were on the phone for, er, 8 hours and 15 minutes NONSTOP yesterday... yeah. We had quite a conversation over an assortment of topics, as usual. But it lasted from the time I got home from Church to the time I went to bed at around 10. And it was all the more fun; there seems to be more to talk about now than back in December, though back then we had developed some sort of crush on each other. But now we've intergrated each other into each other's little respective corners of the world, between taking pics of our workstations to texting in the middle of work out of the blue to--my favorite--sharing pictures of our neighborhoods.

I kinda told him last night that, the day we finally meet [and we're praying that God willing it's SOON!!] things are going to be off the wall!! And the way we go about our lives, the way we are with each other, to me it's as if almost anything is possible. 1,200 miles may separate us but, love is the shortest distance between both our hearts. And between us our hearts are as close as it's gonna get!

So yes, I think it is time to say with honest conviction that, I love Roboter and I cannot lie!! Yes, I know, I'm crazy, but so is he and it takes one crazy soul to know one. If only you heard what craziness of the humorous sort occurs in any conversation we have...!

I think this calls for a StarMix for the two of us, which the rest of you Underground Citizens can sing along to and join in the cheer. What say y'all, fancy a sing-along? Or even better, fancy a jelly baby?



Thursdays Roboter goes about his post-work time taking on grocery shopping. I usually listen to this tune on his behalf. I think he likes the song...?
"Lost In The Supermarket" - The Clash


And because he absofreckin'lutely LOVES THIS SONG!!
"Satisfaction" - Benny Benassi


From our good friend Louise, whom I need to find a proper codename for, by the way; I'm sure we'll probably listen to this on our first date. *sigh*
"Neon Lights/Neonlicht" - Kraftwerk


We've had our share of mishaps and ill-temperament at work, we had our minor quarter-life crises, and we're still hangin' on in there for dear life. I'm sending this one out to him 'cause, even though this may be an alt-country cover of a really good song, the lyrics still mean enough.
"Handle With Care" - Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins


...oh and, hey Roboter! Everyone! how 'bout a sing-along??
"I'm Gonna Be [500 Miles]" - The Proclaimers


Besides this being my Song of the Week, this is by far my favorite love song. No, seriously. And we all thought being weird was enough on my end. But hell, I've got my own standards for love songs!!
"Mayor Of Simpleton" - XTC


And speaking of, to close out this playlist, more Kraftwerk! Hey, it was what we had in common in the first place, so why not?
"Computer Love" - Kraftwerk


I can say without thinking twice that, long distance be damned, I'm in love, and I'm loved, and I know it...

AND I FRECKIN' LOVE IT!!

~ me, codename BELOVED

codename ~ DEATHFLIGHT

I'm scared of death.

I think I may have said this once or twice.

Seriously. I'm scared of death, I'm afraid to die. Even though I'm a strong believer in heaven, the fear... it's there. I can't fully tolerate the concept of death. It's too... I don't know... it just sickens me sometimes. Maybe a bit too much sometimes. And it's struck again.

This morning word was received in the workplace that Juan's father passed away from cancer. Juan is 17, still in high school, and works in the night shift. And in my opinion he's much too young to lose his father through such an illness.

*sigh* It kinda dampens an otherwise decent day. The fear of death is amplified whenever it strikes close to home. And my heart breaks because of the pain that the person who's lost someone feels, the tears they have to cry having lost someone they can't replace.

I haven't had a time or chance to let out a good cry yet, as I've been trying to cheer myself up working on Doctor Who LOL-style pictures. But the pain is strong enough that, before tonight's over, there will be tears.

...I don't think I really want to go out tonight. Not in the state I'm in today.

I think this calls for *some* Coldplay. Yes, Coldplay. Because there are some songs that should dry my tears when I'm just one helluva glum mess. Like this one. Just the title's calm for the calamity. But the chorus sings the truth.
"Don't Panic" - Coldplay


I can't really describe this song, but the lyrics sure help with the kind of day I've been having. I'm cranking this up a good couple of notches.
"Fix You" - Coldplay


I know this one's a love song but, with lyrics like these, it's almost as if to seem like the sea is death, in this case.
And I could write a song, A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong, And you belong with me

The streets you're walking on A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong, And you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live With nothing left to give,
Forget but not forgive, Not loving all you see?

Oh the streets you're walking on A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong And you belong with me...
Not swallowed in the sea
"Swallowed In The Sea" - Coldplay


Back to the start? Please, back to the days before death came and stole you away...
"The Scientist" - Coldplay


And finally, for Juan, if he ever reads this--I think your father's singing this right now; it's a short song but, I think it's probably saying so much right now... for all of us, and to those who in the past near-6 months who've lost someone dear...
"Death Will Never Conquer" - Coldplay *Song of the Day*


On that note, I think that'll do for today... for now.

~ me, codename DEATHFLIGHT

codename ~ TIMEPUNK

One of my favorite shows is Doctor Who. Duh. Everyone kinda knows that bit. Especially Roboter, and those who know who my two favorite Companions are.

Those who don't know, they're Sarah-Jane and Romana II.

For a nutty Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey, he's so the brill. The Doctor is just... well... the awesomeness. He travels in a time machine of sorts, aptly disguised as a 1950's blue police call box, codenamed the TARDIS--Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.

He rights wrongs, battles enemies, gains good friends here and there. When mortally wounded he regenerates--he can regenerate up to 12 times, for a total of 13 lives... which is also a proper reason why there've been many actors portraying the Doctor since it first aired on the BBC in 1963. His most formidable foes include the Master, the Cybermen, and the Daleks...

So far the Doctor's regenerated 9 times, a total of 10 Doctors so far, and hence 10 actors portraying him ~
The First Doctor - William Hartnell
The Second Doctor - Patrick Troughton
The Third Doctor - Jon Pertwee
The Fourth Doctor - Tom Baker
The Firth Doctor - Peter Davidson
The Sixth Doctor - Colin Baker
The Seventh Doctor - Sylvester McCoy
The Eighth Doctor - Paul McGann
The Ninth Doctor - Christopher Eccleston
The Tenth Doctor - David Tennant

To celebrate this madcap British series--45 years strong and growing!--here's a StarMix of the classic theme song to the series. In many of its [semi-]unique forms.

The classic, much-loved theme--thank you Delia Derbyshire! ~


The slightly-reamp'd opening... Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker's theme ~


Tom Baker's second--and Peter Davidson's--theme [which I'm starting to love even more the more I listen to it] ~


Colin Baker's theme [which is enough for me to go, wtf!? --no, seriously] ~


1996... yes, the tv movie version... Paul McGann's theme [which, I'll be honest--I didn't really like it much] ~


From 2004, "One day, I shall come back" ~


From 2006, David Tennant's theme ~


And for the grand finale to this Time Punk's StarMix du jour just before the great Music Post [it's Thursday, and the rule for Thursday still applies in the codename series], my song of the day--this one's for Roboter, who--if I'm not mistaken--is a fan of electro. Well, sweetie, crank this tune up a good handful of notches. This goes for those of us who <3 Orbital too! Because... yes... you guessed it...
Theme - Doctor Who ~ Orbital


And on THAT note, I think it's time for the Thursday Tradition!!

~ me

codename ~ QUIRKSTER

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Underground, is it wrong to be oh-so-freckin'-wierd?

I prefer to be the wacky, cute and quirky individual that God made me to be, instead of so-called normal that everyone and their socialist cousin too asks of me. These days I've been asking myself, What do I love about this inconstant person called me? Well, it's the quirky things about me, so let me admit to myself [and you Underground Citizens] that...

~ I love--LOVE--listening to the soundtracks from the anime Sailor Moon. I never get tired of it. Seriously. Fan for 12 years, and for ever!
~ What's wrong with being the madcap StarKnight Captain and giving my friends odd nicknames/codenames?
~ I think the nickname Sunshine kinda suits me proper, don't you?
~ I do NOT tolerate arrogance, and I try myself not to show arrogance. Practicing what I preach, preaching by practicing, is the way it should be done. And many a guy has no chance with me because of their arrogance. 'Nuff said.
~ I wear black. Long-sleeves. In summertime. What!?
~ I like my punk with some Bach. Ah, the pride of being a Chorister!
~ Doctor WHO: Coolest. Show. Ever.
~ Tom Baker: Best. Doctor. Ever.
~ I'm all gush-silly over someone who lives in New York. And I love him!
~ My favorite colors are, in the order I started liking them [you read proper!]: blue, black, silver, purple, red and yellow. I just recently started liking pink. YES! Pink!!
~ I had a crush on Billy the Blue Ranger as a kid. And then Adam the Black Ranger. Never really understood why the other girls went after Tommy the White Ranger--HANDS OFF!! he belongs to Kimberly the Pink Ranger, don't you know? And I still think Jason the Red Ranger and Trini the Yellow Ranger made a cute couple. Yeah, I know. I'm a dork. But the old-school Power Rangers are just fcuking awesome!!
~ I like eating cinnamon bread and chocolate syrup sandwiches. YUM!
~ Favorite comfort food: grilled cheese and soup. Especially if Mom's making the grilled-cheese and the soup is chicken noodle or tomato.
~ My music range is [old-school] punk and alternative, new wave, indie, and electronic. Oh, and some classical stuff, especailly if it's choral work with the help of an organ. Or if it's on an organ or harpsichord altogether. Or if Dr. Rickman's on the piano.
~ Anyone remember The Adventures of Pete and Pete on Nickelodeon when we oldies were kiddies? I had a crush on Big Pete. He's better off with Ellen though. And Little Pete and Nona made a cute couple too!
~ I'm terrified of dragonflies but LOVE butterflies! [what?]
~ I have a short temper. Do NOT mess with me. We Hispanic folk have eeeeeeeevil tempers, no?
~ I'm scared of death. Seriously. I'm afraid of it. And when it happens to someone I know the fear goes 10X worse.
~ And did I mention, I'm a self-proclaimed butterball punk of my choir, and damn proud of!?

And to add to being the quirky oddity that I'm proud to be, thank you, Delia Derbyshire, for this classic Doctor WHO treat, which is my Song of the Day:
"Chromophone Band" - Delia Derbyshire


Adding to the oddness some more--a song that, mind you, the lead singer of this group is a GUY. Y'all been sorta warned. No, it's safe for work, really. Just... well... yeah. *shrug*
"Your Woman" - White Town


Alrighty, I think that takes care of the codename for now, I owe two tomorrow [one for yesterday]. Sunday doesn't count, as I was off one day on my countdown. *lol*

Until the next round...

~ me, codename quirkster

codename ~ STORMFIGHTER

For those who don't know, I'm scared stupid of storms. And it's all because of a time that, when I was 8, I looked outside the windows of my grandparents' house to witness my very first hurricane. His name was Andrew. Thanks to him, I've been afraid of storms since. Especially if, yep--they were hurricanes.

I don't really do well with nasty weather. The only time I'll actually tolerate storms is if I'm at work [then it's not so hot in drive-thru] or if I'm at home [then I could sleep 'em away or something]. And technically I should be used to handling storms by now--I'M A FLORIDIAN FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!

All in all, I've really not a lot of patience for storms. Maybe a minor rainstorm. But thunderstorms... Tropical Storms... Hurricanes... no. I'm just a minor bit scared of 'em all. I hear about a Hurricane and--*roboter has heard it for himself!*--in short I just panic. I have to beat that PANIC button until it breaks.

The codename~STORMFIGHTER StarMix [albeit a minor short one--just two songs this time]

Yeah, I know. What a first song to start off with but hey. Thank you Shirley Manson for a song about being happy when it's pouring outside!
[/sarcasm]
"Only Happy When It Rains" - Garbage


The first time I heard this song was when I was at work, and Tropical Storm Fay was making her way through. That was last month too! When I heard this one of the regulars and I agreed that hey! Jack got it right, that fellow. Since then it's became my go-to song for when I get stuck at home, rained in. I'm not a big Jack Johnson fan, but I definitely love this song.
"Banana Pancakes" - Jack Johnson


A minor note--I'll be 25 in three weeks from today. Oh. bloody. joy.

~ me

codename ~ TECHNO

So, the countdown to my birthday is, T minus three weeks from...

tomorrow!? Oh man... where's my PANIC button?

And so, with that in mind, the Chapterness will be on a minor, three-week hiatus so I can really start to reflect on a quarter-century that's developed within me. In this case, I'm recalling to my memory and your know-how 21 minor tidbits about me; they're classified as codenames. And the first in the codename series, TECHNO, blinks towards the side of me that indulges in electronic music. Big time. And that love is rightly--and mutually--shared with one particular person, to whom this post is especially for.

What better way to celebrate the weekend than a post-'em-up-on-the-blog StarMix? It's been a long week--it's time to freckin' CELEBRATE!!

Kicking off the codename series, and this crazy StarMix of my fave techno from both past and recent, is a song that, I swear, Roboter fcuking loves. In fact, not only did he drive me halfway up the wall to where I decided to play the song for him on my darn 'Pod, but this song's been stuck in my head ALL BLOODY DAY LONG!! Thanks a bunches, hunny... :-P Hey, it's all good.
"Satisfaction" - Benny Benassi


And while I'm thinking ahead on the industrial tidbit, how 'bout some Combichrist? Now mind you, a couple of years ago before the car died, I would go to Indie Bar twice a week--Saturdays for 80's night, Wednesdays [now Thursdays apparently] for Goth/Industrial night. And this was one of the staples.
"This Shit Will Fcuk You Up" - Combichrist


Note--this will NOT be an all-male music post. Welcome aboard, Client!!
"Drive" - Client


And now, from Germany with love... And One!! Saw 'em last year April when they opened for VNV Nation. Fcukin' awesome set. This track was one of 'em.
"Military Fashion Show" - And One


How 'bout us some old-school industrial? Thank you, Front 242!!
"Headhunter" - Front 242


Currently I've got this song on repeat. This is actually my favorite of Benny Benassi's stuff. Roboter's probably gonna be like, OMGWTF...!?
"Who's Your Daddy?" - Benny Benassi


Anybody remember this track? --hey, I had a crush on Richard Patrick from Filter at the time this song came out. What!? The tune itself is ace; Richard's just proper eye-candy on the video!!
"Trip Like I Do" - The Crystal Method [feat. Richard Patrick]


And... well, since I'm nice and I'm just as big a fan of this song, why the heck not?
"Busy Child" - The Crystal Method


Some more Combichrist. Roboter's probably rolling his eyes. Or not. But anywho, this is my favorite Combichrist track. I just... I just bloody love this song.
"This Is My Rifle" - Combichrist


Back to some girl-power. More Client!! "I've got my red dress on..." ...yeah, needless to say I have two red dresses, thanks to this song. What?
"Lights Go Out" - Client


And while I'm still in a femme-fatales-of-techno, I think the lovely Goldfrapp deserves to be in this StarMix as well. Though my fave track from her is "Ohh La La", I do like this song very much as well...
"Slide In" - Goldfrapp


Jumping back a couple of years... okay, maybe about a decade or so... some Chemical Brothers, anyone? Yeah, I know, you remember this one...
"Block Rockin' Beats" - The Chemical Brothers


And, going further back, some more Front 242; it's an alright tune but I still consider "Headhunter" as my fave from the Front...
"Welcome To Paradise" - Front 242


How about a remix of a good New Order track? I'll have to defo remember to post the original on another codename post in the near future.
"Everything's Gone Green" [Martin Buttrich Remix] - New Order


This *ALMOST* trips into some sense of electro. Hell, I'll post it anyway. She's got some good stuff anyway, in my opinion. So hey, why not? Now while she leans more towards the pop/hip hop/r+b genre, this track doesn't really fit in that. And, like I said, it's almost electro. My opinion, but you can judge for yourself.
"Kremlin Dusk" - Utada


--oh shoot, I almost forgot Trent. Reznor, that is.
"The Perfect Drug" - Nine Inch Nails


Back to Germany for some more And One. And... hey Roboter!! this tune's in German!!
"Panzermensch" - And One


Speaking of Germany, how about the band that started it all for electronica? Showing love from the Underground to our beloved Mensch-Maschinen--I would use "Metropolis" but as I'm in a damn good mood...!
"Nummern/Computerwelt 2" - Kraftwerk


One last tune and... unfortunately... I do NOT remember the name of the song nor who does it sooo... yeah. It'll be in the unknown territory, but I still love this song. As it was the third track on an industrial mix I had that I still listen to, I'm codenaming this as Track 3. I can't believe I forgot this... damn the fact that I lost the stupid tracklist for that StarMix...
Track 3


*whew!!* Alright!! The weekend has officially begun, and so has the codename series too! It'll be an interesting self-analysis upon my quarter-century; I can only hope I don't judge myself all too harshly...

Oh for the love of... it's the weekend. Why am I moping? Time to crank the tunage up!! Happy Weekend in the Underground!!

Until the next round...

~ me