Chapter 263 ~ ...now, where was I?

Alright folks... I'm back. And I've got a lot to say. Sit down, buckle up, here we go.

For a start, as of this past June I am *no longer* dating Sprocket--no, actually codename change to Zokusho because someone else has the codename Sprocket and this is one of the good guys. [See? I told y'all a lot happened in the past 2 years!] But anywho, yes, I broke up with Zokusho, for all the right reasons. Long story short: yes, we did have our good times, but he's not worth the anxiety attacks I've suffered in the few months leading up to the break-up. We've since spoken on the phone; however, no, for the record, I am NOT going back with him.

I never thought I'd quote Taylor Swift but "we are never, ever, ever getting back together." Valid point too. Not worth it anymore.

Which brings me to, nope. I am NOT moving to Tampa. Obviously. Zokusho and I tried time and again... in vain. But now with the break-up there really isn't much of a point anymore concerning myself with Tampa. Plus, right now, I am needed here in DeLand... probably moreso now than I realised.

Example A: I am now serving as both Secretary AND Treasurer in my DOK Chapter. Double-duty, yes, but with the help of a couple of fellow Daughters my task isn't as difficult as it looks. Yes it can be stressful, but I have been faring well with it so far. Next month is the Diocesan Fall Assembly and this year my parish is hosting it. LOTS of preparing to do.

Speaking of, we have a new Assistant Rector--Fr. Comforted Keen, who just retired a few months ago from serving as Rector of Church of the Holy Child in Ormond Beach. He was the Priest who was at my first DOK gathering some 3 or 4 years ago--and he was at my Cursillo last year. I told him then that I remembered him from that DOK meeting, and he thought it was wonderful that I remembered him. Now he's going to be my Assistant Priest and really, I'm rather thrilled. He's a great preacher and a wonderful human being. These next three years will be interesting... bring 'em on.

So, anyone remember Jason from the Antics? Yeah. So, we dated maybe once some 3 years ago, before I started dating Zokusho. And to think I had the giggles for him... uhm...

WTF was I thinking?

...oh, right. I probably wasn't.

Anywho, yes, we're friends now. But we don't really hang out much, mostly we just text and talk on the phone from time to time. I'll give him credit though--he *has* stopped me once from doing something stupid to myself. Thankfully.

Which leads me to a few suicide-related matters, the first being that I did attempt suicide a 2nd time this past November. No, I'm not proud of it, but I would rather bring the issue to light than to sweep it under the rug like society tends to do. I'm sorry, but if you can talk to your kids about sex and drugs, then it should be more than acceptable to talk to your kids about suicide. Unfortunately society has conditioned us to not address suicide, let alone mental illness--which prompts me basically to give society the proverbial middle finger, by talking about it, addressing these things.

"Oh, it'll never happen to me." I call bullsh*t. If little Miss Happy Me attempted suicide twice, sure as *censored* it can happen to anybody. It needs to be addressed.

Secondly, I now help as a volunteer of sorts in the Survivors of Suicide group at my church. Been attending since February, and I wish I had the time allowed me to do that much sooner. Better late than never though--my friend Laura facilitates these meetings, which are twice a month. Sometimes it'll be just us two, sometimes there'll be another person with us. Worth attending these meetings... for real.

And... well... yes... there kinda-sorta *is* someone I am talking to. But things aren't necessarily great between him and I... we're working on it. I have no idea how long this is gonna take, but I believe it'll be worth the work and the wait. Because, we do like each other... but of course, as I unfortunately end up stuck in, it's a case of the "great person, not-so-great timing." Which I hate but... *sigh* ah well.

And lastly, at it was some 5 years ago, Death's been making his rounds. Except, it's worse than it was when I was approaching 25... and I'll be 30 in some 2 months! I have been to 7 funerals since Christmas Eve [yes, you Citizens read that proper], and just yesterday my good buddy Larry died from cancer and pneumonia. Last time I was hit with news this devastating, it was Christmas Eve when my fellow Chorister Marcia passed away. This is worse however, as Larry was my very first friend at St. Barnabas and... well... yeah. Between that and Motoki-chan breaking my heart yesterday, really I'm just a wreck right now. There isn't very much I can do about all of this unfortunately... the most I can do right now, is cry, and hang in there.

I'm sure there's probably more to update on, but I'm honestly exhausted from today and the past two days. And really, all I want to do is just go home, cry and sleep. And sleep. And sleep some more. And cry. And...

--yeah, I think y'all get the idea.

Wishing there was a "Redo" button...
~ me.

Chapter 253 ~ Chaotic Emotion

I'm awake, I'm wired, and--so help me God--I hate not having a nap when I want one. Long story with that one, I'll explain in a moment. But, I feel as if something just hasn't been quite right... maybe I'm just a bit overstressed, or worried about tomorrow. Again, explanation coming. Bear with me.

Meanwhile, today was the Daughters of the King Fall Assembly. With 41 pictures taken and a lot of conversation to be had with my friend Michele [whom I hadn't seen since the Fall Assembly in Melbourne LAST YEAR--she's in the DOK Chapter in Haines City], it was a great time to be had. I even told her about Sprocket--she was quite happy for me!

The festivities of Fall Assembly this year were nothing short of amazing. For one, it was at the Cathedral in Orlando this year. Two, it was rather bittersweet, as it was Anne's final Fall Assembly in Central Florida; she handed down the Presidency to Krisita, the 2nd Vice-President, during the meeting [the 1st Vice-President had to resign due to health issues as a result of her fight with cancer]. Anne will be moving to Tennessee on 1 November--another bittersweet day as it's not only All Saints Day, but also the day of corporate communion for all Daughters of the King. I'll be honest when I say, I am going to miss Anne very much--she'd been like an older sister and mentor to me, and especially during when I was preparing to become a Daughter. Now... *sigh* yeah, I still have one more month or so with her but, still...

I guess it's been a rather big year for losses, hasn't it? Awesome'ness is on his Sabbatical after his time as Choirmaster, and Anne's leaving to Tennessee. [Great-]Aunt Jackie died, two friends' Moms died, and my legally-blind adopted-at-the-heart Nana Janet died. It makes me almost worry about what the rest of the year is looking like.

Right now I'm wired and awake... on 6 hours' sleep and a 10-minute nap. I've been awake since 3 this morning, had to work 4:15-6 this morning since my 1st Assistant Manager accidentally scheduled me to work today. The only time I took that nap? On the way back from Orlando. I wanted to take a nap when I got home from Church but of course, that wasn't possible. That and, I still have 41 pictures to send over to e-mail and then post them in an epic mass e-mail to just about everybody. Which, mind you, isn't a problem for me. Except, it's gonna take a while. This I know. I know I've got Michele and Linda [the Diocesan Historian] to send them out to. Them and Gracie-boo [my DOK 'Nana'], Anne, Terry, Deacon Megumi, and the others in the Chapter.

Oh, and I have to work 6 A.M.-1 P.M. tomorrow. Which means I'll be a rehearsal behind for the Choir's first Evensong of the Choral Year... which is TOMORROW NIGHT. Good Lord, I am not gonna be a happy camper tomorrow. I'm not even prepared for it tomorrow, at all--I still have doubts about myself over the Magnificat piece. Tomorrow is not going to be good... I'm so scared I can almost feel it. Yeah, it's that bad.

...I swear, I need to sleep. Where's Sprocket to cuddle with?

Borderline-restless...

~ me

Chapter 252 ~ Missing

*sigh* Alright. It's official. I miss my Choirmaster. No, not the new one either, Dr. Rich may be our Choirmaster but he's not my Choirmaster. There's a difference--and a big one in fact.

Yes, I miss my friend Awesome'ness. Like, a lot.

Because it's not the same when I don't have him to talk to every Sunday anymore. In fact... well, the last time we talked... it was in May. And he told me that he wouldn't be too far away. And yet... well, we did exchange a couple of e-mails in June. But then he had his excursion to France. And, well... we haven't really talked since.

It's just not the same anymore. All I can do is sigh in quiet grief and talk about him every now and then. Sprocket knows about Awesome'ness, and he laughs at me when I get all giggle-happy talking about him [Awesome'ness]. Yeah, Sprocket thinks it's cute when his girlfriend gets giggle-happy. I suppose I don't blame him. But... still...

I wonder how Awesome'ness is doing. It hurts when all that remains are music, memories and pictures. We [the Choir] just rehearsed one of his pieces yesterday morning... I almost wanted to cry.

*sigh* Yeah. It's official. I miss my Choirmaster.

Dear Awesome'ness...

I wonder how you're doing. What's new? How's life? How's life teaching at the University?

How are you? I miss you. Like, a lot.

We've begun to raise the Church Roof as a Choir with the new Choirmaster, but he could never be my Choirmaster, my good friend. He could never be you.

It never hurts to hear from you once in a while.

Missing...

~ me

Chapter Front [242] ~ How Could It Come To This?

Song of the Moment|"Is It Like Today?" - World Party [2-M Session]

So today... the feast Sunday of Pentecost... well, I bade best wishes and a decent "I'll see you around" to... well... him. Yes, my beloved Choirmaster of five years. Onward now goes Peter for new adventures, and of course I can but simply encourage him on, even if it's from at a distance now. But, it's not like he's leaving out-of-state or anything. Still, I'll miss him immensely. I can't quite put into words how I'm feeling.

I guess the only proper word for that is, bittersweet.

But, at the least, I have memories. Good times. Silly conversations. And the times he's made me laugh 'til I couldn't make much sense. He's just that awesome of a person in my opinion. He's a good friend. He'll always be that wonderful to me.

*sigh* I hate good-bye's. I wish there wasn't a need for the word.

Bittersweet and thankful...

~ me

Chapter 240 ~ Sometimes...

Song of the Night|"The Sound of Goodbye" - Perpetual Dreamer
[hence why the chapter title is "sometimes"--it's the first word to the chorus.]

If I may be so bold, and so honest... I'm too reluctant to say 'goodbye' to the one person that I truly, honestly, and simply love. While I'm well over the drama from Hikari, there is still one matter of interesting importance that I worry myself now over. And that is, well...

Choirmaster Peter is... well... leaving...

You see, he just got hired to teach full time at the University he's been teaching in as an adjunct. And, it's rough enough that he has to travel a lengthy distance between where he lives and where he works. And it's just as rough because he has a lengthy drive between where he lives, and our Church. He's been our Choirmaster for 11 years now. And now... well... I...

I don't know what words exist for the moment.

I mean, this is the one person in the entire world that, out of all the people I can say that I love, well... he's the only one I can honestly admit that, I am in love with. Without thinking twice or questioning anything. And yes, while there are only so many differences between us, and the whole whims of why we could never be [as a good friend in my Choir has told me, "Maybe next lifetime"], I can't help but love him. He is just a brilliant person, a sweet soul, and a damn good friend. He's inexplicably beautiful, intricately knowledgeable, and undoubtedly amazing. I can't find any better words than that.

Best put, he is the one man in the world who could weave in my memory a melody, and in my soul a harmony, within my heart a rising chorus, and unto my life a glorious opus.

My life wasn't the same since I'd met him... now, he's leaving and... well, words fail. I have already cried a few tears since he read the letter to the Choir, which he'd written to Father Don explaining the situation. And, I'll be honest--I am so immensely happy for him. I really am. The recession has helped him in the nicest way possible. And, on the other hand... my heart is broken.

But, at the least, I have memories. Good memories. Sweet memories. I can smile to myself, even in the midst of tears, because of those good memories. Because of the fact that, I have met and come to know the man I regard as my beloved Choirmaster. Those five years, knowing him, have been nothing short of wonderful.

*sigh* You know I've got it hurtin' when it takes for-freckin'-ever to type out a blogpost Chapter like this. Because, well, I try not to dwell on the bad so much as the good. And really, the good outweighs the bad.

But, I hate having to let him go, because I'm scared that I'll never see him again.

I guess we'll just have to see what this week brings...

~ me

Chapter 234 ~ Half a Year Older... but, Wiser?

I look back on the past six months of being 26 and, well... singlehood, heartache, and death are the main topics. Well, besides the epic work stress but, that's aside from all that mess and nonsuch. Still... it's been an interesting six months and, I have come to a realisation of a few things.

One, first and foremost, Cupid is a @#$%^& jerk. Plain and simple. I feel much like his whipping girl still, even as, while I'm sorta being patient for Shiori-chan, two former lovers wish to win my heart again. And, sadly, this goes on against my whim. I mean, it's great to hang out with them again but, I have realised also that, my heart does not quell among them. It doesn't scream at all for them. And I know my heart all too well to know better than to deceive myself at the heart. I can't simply find myself in the manners and throes of lust anymore--if my heart's not in it, trust me. It won't be there.

Second, Death is, perhaps, my greatest fear... second only to solitude. I am afraid of two things--dying, and dying alone. It scares the hell out of me, the more I hear about someone dying or having passed on. It scares me even more when it happens to someone I know and hold dear to me. The stress and worrying is ridiculous, I swear. But when the sympathy pains hit me, I can't control it--I can't stop it. I don't want God to take it away--only that I can bear it. But when it hits me, and with such a force that stops me... I... I can't help but f@#king panic. It can hit me enough to stop me dead in my tracks. Death is my greatest fear, second to living the rest of my life alone and unloved.

Third, being single is NOT the end of the world. Seriously. And this is coming from someone who's been single for about 7 months or so now. Now, it's interesting, this whole actual singlehood thing. For one, I have a field to play [somewhat], I can flirt with whoever, whenever. And it's fairly mild anyhow, but I keep it fair and friendly. I am NOT an expert flirt. [And if it helps, I get shy and gigglehappy around handsome fellows.] So, yeah. I think I will enjoy my singlehood as much as I can, until I finally do end up [maybe... hopefully] in the arms and heart of some worthy fellow. Maybe Shiori.

In other interesting news... well... I have realised that, while it isn't an entirely heavy-duty love, I can 'fess up that, I am as close to in love with anyone as it's going to get. And... well, you can all guess who it is with. But, if anything, I'll gladly 'fess up that, it's more like an admiration. A sense of quaint'ness and winsome eminates from him. He is the personification of Sweetness and Awesomeness. And who am I but some lowly punk girl, to fall stupendously for my Choirmaster? But... how could I not? And yet, how on earth did I? It was, to say the least, quite unexpected. It's still unexpected. I still don't know how it happened. And, I don't know--maybe this wasn't supposed to happen? I am not sure. But, I do know that, I have come to terms with my feelings for him: it's love--but not romantic love whatsoever. More like an innocent, silly little "I *heart* him like I *heart* my best buddies 4'ever!!" kind of love. A love that comes out of a proper, sweeter, nobler friendship. I don't want my feelings to ever change the friendship that we have, that I cherish immensely. It's been a whimsical five years singing in his Choir, and I can say that, I am blessed to have Peter both as my Choirmaster and as my friend.

Of course... whenever he looks at me and smiles, I end up not knowing how to act. And that's also made for some rather humorous moments, as a matter of fact! Sooo, YEAH! if you ever want to see me stutter and act almost completely stupid, just have him smile at me like it's nothing. And watch me say "Uhm...!?" more times than I can actually figure out... *LOL!!*

Well, I guess that's all for now... I mean, I can slowly feel my nose getting stuffy now. I suppose this means that, I am *finally* coming down with something...? I sure hope not. This means, it's time to get my butt to bed!! [And trust me, Peter would probably be picking on me, big time, had he read this and found out that, somehow, my immune system is getting around to telling me something important!!]

Daydreaming of two fellow gentlemen [hey, it ain't wrong!]...

~ me

Chapter 227 ~ MAAAYDAAAY!!!

Ah yes, the holiday season. Filled with lights and Christmas trees. Latkes and Hanukkah menorahs [or Hanukyahs, I think that's the way it's spelt. if not, my bad!]. Family time and party time. Lots of music, lots of headaches. Lots of this, that and the other. And enough drama to make me [or you if this is the case] scream--deep breath, all together now,

BAH FRECKIN' HUMBUG!!!

*sigh* There. All better. As long as the neighbors don't ask, "Holy cow what happened to the girl!?" then, hey. All is well. Because it's been that kind of week. Allow me to throw a few verbal snowballs on a few itty bitty little matters.

First and foremost, my extremely evil laptop. It's been uncooperative. And it's been acting up, for a lack of better words. In fact, I think I've pleaded with it quite enough. [Of course, I could be wrong!!] But, while it's being very nice to me *now* I figured, update the Trans-Underground Express while absofreckin'lutely possible. Sooo... yeah. I really wish it didn't have to be a rant-o-rama. Don't worry, I'll make up for it with some good news. But, in order to get to the good stuff, I need to let out the bad stuff too. 'Cause, those of y'all who've read the blog long enough... yeah. We don't need Sunny holding her temper all in. Nuh-uh.

There. That said, on to a more severely irksome topic. Everyone -knows- this one. Work. Yep, the drive-thru of doom as I like to call it. And these days--I hate to admit it but--it's been hell in a handbasket. Between the weather as of recent [wind + rain + cold = ick] and the technology failure as a result of a power surge late Tuesday night, today... at work... eh... yeah. Bad. Very, very bad. There is only one old-school credit card machine in the entire store... and it's in the Back Drive-thru of all places. Which means there's myself, Joey [Mary, the espresso-machine queen--NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH STORE MANAGER MARY... alias Blue Sky] taking the orders... and up to all three Front Counter order takers, in the event that all four of us, at some point, have to take a credit card. Two rolls of receipt paper got changed out, the New System finally got fixed around 1 P.M. earlier today... around the time I was leaving. Irony, anyone?

And lastly on the not-so-good list of random thoughts... well, it's still taking a while for me to snap out of that November slump. Yes, 10 days into December and I still haven't entirely snapped back into yet. I think it's partly because of the weather. One friend reasoned it had to do with my first Christmas being single in a few years [gee thanks... rub it in why not. lol]. Another thought I was overstressed [eh, maybe...? i don't know...!!]. And one other person thought, "Oh, we all go through that, Jenn. Don't worry about it." Uhm, problem is, with me, 9 times out of 10 you -don't- want to tell me not to worry about it because, chances are, I'm SOOO gonna worry about it!! But, back to this. Yeah... part of me is still kinda... uhm... blah. That's it. Blah.

Alright!! now that I've got the bad stuff out of the system, on to the good stuff. Like, a Christmas tree, perhaps! [And I still need to get a pic of the Christmas tree at work posted up here at some point!] The tree [finally] got trimmed and adorned during Kids Night on Tuesday 1 December. The kids made the majority of the ornaments that are up on the tree. I only made a few and had to momentarily get over my fears of heights AND falling to get the Star at the top. All in all, best Kids Night in a while. But if you want insanity, this past Kids Night was that--especially after I decided to extend it. Because, let's face it. It's just downright WRONG to interrupt kids in their Christmas-card-making projects. So, I extended it, ended up with glitter glue all over my shirt [thankfully it was a Super Mario shirt... 'cause I would really hate to have to end up with glitter glue all over my work shirt, which was *almost* the case!], helped kids make cards, and even painted faces of a high school girls basketball team from Flagler County. Alll in all, hilarity ensued. Fun times. Though by the time all was said and done it was 10 P.M. and, I really needed to get home, post-haste... who knew that half an hour later after I left would be the power surge noted earlier during the rants?

Also, this past Saturday was DeLand's annual Christmas Parade. Yours truly walked it... with Rabbit... Blue Sky... some coworkers... and RONALD McDONALD! Yep, Ronald was with us again this year. This time around, before the Parade started, we had time to get pics taken with Ronald, as well as the City of Deltona's Grinch [or at least I did anyway]. We had lots of fun catching up with friends, coworkers, some of our resident higher-ups [one of the Supervisors, and the Store Owners both, were there]. And there was even a dose of danger and adventure because, as we were heading back in the opposite direction, to catch the rest of the Parade, three of my coworkers went to Checkers--I stayed across the street from there. Surprise, surprise--not five minutes later did a fight break out. Cops and the Sheriff got involved. It was exciting--and pretty freckin' scary--to watch from across the street. The Parade was halted momentarily while the scuffle got stopped, and then it [the Parade] was resumed. All in all, eh, not a bad Parade this year but, I'm now concerned about its possible turn-out for next year. We'll just have to wait and see what-all happens next year.

And, lastly, PARTY!!! Yep, three parties in four days. And what looks to be next week's schedule too. Anyone taking notes?

+ Friday 11 December [tomorrow] ~ Work [5 a.m.-1 p.m.] - Hanukkah Party at Temple Israel [night 1 of Hanukkah]
+ Saturday 12 December ~ Work [5 a.m.-1 p.m.]
+ Sunday 13 December ~ Choir Christmas Party [after the 11 a.m. service]
+ Monday 14 December ~ Work [5 a.m.-1 p.m.] - Christmas Potluck Party at work [starting at 11 a.m.]
+ Tuesday 15 December ~ Work [12-8 p.m.] - Kids Night at work [5-8 p.m.]
+ Wednesday 16 December ~ OFF!!! [i can breathe for once! lol] - F.A.M. Night on Christmas Break until January 2010
+ Thursday 17 December ~ Work [5 a.m.-1 p.m.] - Daughters of the King meeting [7-8 p.m.]
+ Friday 18 December ~ Work [5 a.m.-1 p.m.] - Hanukkah Party at Temple Israel [night 8 (final night) of Hanukkah]
+ Saturday 20 December ~ Work [5 a.m.-1 p.m.]

WHEW!!! that's gonna be a long week... which, mind, the work schedule is ALWAYS subject to change. If that is the case I will update accordingly. But, anywho... I can but only try to make the best of it. Who knows, maybe I'll do something during Kids Night for Hanukkah... or not. I don't know. If we can get away with Christmas then, why not Hanukkah? I'm sure we can try to make latkes out of French Fries...

--erm, or not?

I suppose that is all for now. I know I haven't been updating on the musicality that is the Thursday Tradition but, as of lately, the laptop's been hating on me. And I'd been too busy, too hectic, and too "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" to even get my nerves together proper. Sooo, hopefully, I should be able to get some music back up soon. Maybe Adam Sandler's "Hanukkah Song" for the Thursday Tradition next week? Sound good with y'all? 'Cause it does for me... I mean, it's Hanukkah after all! And it's a funny song. And... and... it's one of the few great mainstream Hanukkah songs that can get away with mainstream radio. How's that for made-of-awesome?

And on THAT bombshell... time to get ready for my D.O.K. meeting. I'm already late for the shower. Dang nabbit.

Bracing for what promises to be one very long Holiday season...

~ me

The Christmas Broadcast

I know that Christmas is only two days away, but this is my Christmas "broadcast" as, after today, I will be ridiculously, miserably busy. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Thursday is Christmas Day. Unfortunately I will be drop-dead stressed and tired to even try to enjoy the holiday. And it doesn't help that Store Manager Joel has scheduled the Christmas party at work for TOMORROW!! That doesn't start until 2 tomorrow afternoon; and on top of that I have to work at 5 in the morning anyway, which means after I clock out I gotta run across the street to Publix to get chips and either salsa or hummus. Which is what I signed myself up to bring anyway.

Mom also has to pick me up from my workplace, as I'm to be staying over at the parents' for Christmas [HEY! Robbie's always fcuking exempt from that; WTF gives, Mom!?]. Which means whatever laundry and packing-up I've needed to do tomorrow I have to get done tonight! And that includes packing up what I'll be wearing tomorrow night AND Christmas Day.

Hold up--which reminds me: Mom [or Dad] is dropping me off tomorrow evening at the Choir Room for Christmas Eve service rehearsal. That's at 9 P.M., with the service starting with the Choir singing for half an hour at 10:30 P.M., and by the time I'm back at the parents it'll be 1 A.M. Christmas freckin' morning.

And, with my luck, my little brother and sister will be waking me up six hours later with, Jenn, time to wake up and open presents! So I'll be next to comatose AND miserable about it all. Christmas Morning service at 10 A.M., possibly back at the parents' for another hour or two after that, and then finally HOME. *sigh* And with all hopes that Roboter's Christmas present and mine for him have arrived on freckin' time. And then it's back to work on Friday [we're closed for Christmas], for that and the next two days at least, so I'll have to miss another Sunday of Church quite like I did this past Sunday.

So yes, needless to say, by the time it's all over, Christmas will have come and gone, and I will have had no chance in hell to celebrate it. Basically, it's going to be anything but merry for me. And this is my only opportunity to send out a Christmas blogpost before I get stormed for the season.

My only wish is that, everyone has a wonderful time, in spite of the circumstances, in spite of whatever wrong could be going on in the world in this season.

*sigh* I'm sorry, but it's being very difficult to be happy when it's Christmas, this time around. To be honest, I've felt like crying all afternoon. And I have. But it doesn't seem enough to cry just once; I've constantly been fighting tears that's been building up from frustration, from stress--from work, from the family, from... from life. LIFE! Enough to just break me down... inside, it just hurts. Never mind the fact that I dyed my hair purple this week, or that Hanukkah started wonderfully on Sunday night. Never mind the fact that the only presents I've been able to handle were Christmas cards and a Scrapbook I slaved myself tremendously for. Never mind the fact that I can't even slow down enough to enjoy the holiday because of the deaths that took its tolls on me, people that I know whose tables will be missing someone because the Great Presence that is Death. Never mind the fact that... that I just don't feel happy, at all, for Christmas, no matter how hard I try!

Never mind the fact that words can't even express just how I feel right now.

So, this song, I'm sending it out to all of you. I know I shared the Pretenders' version last week but, I think... this version seems proper for the season. If ever, while you hear this, your heart should tug, if ever tears should well up in your own eyes, if ever your memories overwhelm... let the tears fall. I'm right there with you, because the pain is different but the wish is still the same. Maybe the tears are for different reasons on our ends but, if ever your heart shares my same sorrow, then shed a tear. But never mind me--

I'm just someone trying to muddle through somehow...

"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" - James Taylor


From my heart, from the heart of the Underground,
to your hearts and those of yours,
the Happiest of Holidays, the Merriest of Christmases.

~ Jenn ["Sunshine"]

Chapter 193 ~ Oh. My. God.

Okay, I'll admit it. What. a. week.

Monday I burned my finger. Bad. To the point where I decided it best to hide in my apartment the rest of the day and play nurse. Needless to say I couldn't get to a blog or write to save my life. And I couldn't get to the laundry.

Tuesday store manager Joel had me work on that darn Christmas tree at work. Finally. And yet, of all the days to have done so... In any case I got started fighting the tree lights and garlands at 2 in the afternoon; by the time all was said and done [between fighting the strings and buying the new treetopper and putting the whole damn tree together!], it was 6:30 P.M., almost 7. Manager Daniel and his sister Manager Veronica were very nice to take me home [and probably the proper repentance at it was at the fault of Daniel that I'd burned my finger on Monday!!]. After I got home I got to the laundry [with caution due to the finger], time was spent on the phone with Roboter but not for too long. Particularly due to exhaustion.

Wednesday had me working like a hellhound on Wild Turkey Lunch Rush, finishing up the tree, and no time for pre-Thanksgiving Day feast lunch whatsoever [the managers brought in food for the crew and Joel cooked a turkey in the grill oven]. Got home, got packed, got picked up by the parents, got dinner, and got out of town!!

Thursday was Thanksgiving Day here in America, spent in Hilton Head Island, in South Carolina, with the family and the Grandparents...
Taken in the room where I was staying, looking out the window.


Best wishes from the family!


Off to the beach with the family, which helped to make this the best Thanksgiving day, ever; the weather was, in a word, perfect...


My new pet Tom wanted some shells...












Grandma and Zach found some sand dollars too.




Yesterday, weatherwise it wasn't so great...


Tom wanted another souvenir photo so...


And for this one I did a color effect on the phone camera. Gave it a blueish tint.


Went to the Mall in another part of the Island with Addie and Mom...


You can't see it too well, but that's Saint Luke Episcopal Church across from our little area of the Island known as Shipyard.


Later on I went with Grandma and Addie to an area of the Island known as South Beach. NOT RELATED AT ALL to the overrated South Beach of Miami, Florida...


Grandma even got her two granddaughters some ice cream! Addie went for mint chocolate-chip, I opted for this tasty flavor: brownie-cheesecake. Yummy!!


This morning wasn't too bad, finally stopped raining.


At 9 A.M. this morning we set out for home! I took more pictures along the way and, mind you, it's NOT easy taking pictures with a cameraphone while in a moving van!!

Final shots of South Carolina:








Georgia:




Along the Georgia-Florida Border, our quick stop at a gas station which, with the gas station at this pic, was at $1.67 a gallon!!


Hi Florida, We're Baaaaack!!


Jacksonville, Florida:






A Super-Size can of 7-Up...!


Right around the center of the photo is, yes, a blimp.


This one's for Choirmaster Peter, who lives in Palatka. ^_^


Weight stations are lovin' it...


It's just SOOO good to be home!!


So there you have it, pictures to offer up for my weeklong absence! AND, tomorrow's the First Sunday of Advent, which means Service at 11 A.M. as usual. But wait--what the... OH YEAH! Evensong is at 4 P.M., Choir assembles for practice at 3. So I might get a chance to blog before the Evensong, because after that is the Choir party at Dr. Steeves' place. So this promises to be a very thrilling day tomorrow.

With that, apologies again about my week-long absence, I posted some pics. And here's two songs to crank up the volume to. I still have more of my to-do list to get done before tomorrow as I didn't get 'em done this week [Opacity holiday card exchange anyone?] AND I have dinner in less than two hours! Whew!!

This one's kinda more for Roboter. Uhm, anyone remember when I posted the edited version on the codename ~ TECHNO post some weeks back? Well, this one's the full version, basically. Roboter hun [and everyone for that matter], you have my full permission to crank this track up full blast...
"Who's Your Daddy" [original extended mix] - Benny Benassi


The other track was first heard in brief when I went to the DJ mix set with Benny Loco [Friday 24 May was the concert, Saturday 25 May was the blogpost, Chapter 130 (One By One I'll Knock Ya Out!!) which noted it]. I just finally found the full version of this remix. And to be honest, I'm thinking about making it my Remix of the Week.
"Get Innocuous!" [Soulwax remix] - LCD Soundsystem


And that's about it, the week in a nutshell! Belated Thanksgiving wishes to you and yours, and may God prosper us all as a new Church year begins with Advent I tomorrow.

--oh and yes, this week's Thursday Tradition will be a double-feature: The Sundays and... well... I don't quite know who yet... maybe Depeche Mode or Massive Attack or something...

Until the next round...

~ me

Chapter 177 ~ ...oh for the love of... NOT AGAIN.

Just like last year. Getting over a minor heartache--Roboter and I have talked only 4 times these past two weeks. And work is a mess. AND...

one of my friends is engaged. That I once had a crush on. It's StarKnight Skater, whom I've known for 5 years now.

You know, I really don't seem to do well the last month before my Birthday, it seems. What happened a year ago... *hunts through the archive*

--OH YEAH! Pouncer gave me word of Agathangelos' engagement which, unfortunately, I didn't get to attend the wedding of. Something that, unfortunately, I still get upset at Siren over, but as long as neither of us mention the wedding my temper's at bay.

Tuesday 25 September 2008 ~ Chapter 67 ~ Sort of a Depressing Turn of Events.

Okay, I need to stop moping but, there's been a lot going on these past two weeks that, I'd been so worn out I didn't even remember to do the Top 20 so, before I forget altogether let's take care of that.

Starian Union Radio Top 20 [sorry this is 2 days late, all]
1] "NWA" - The Terrible Sea
2] "Harley David [Son of a Bitch]" - Bollock Brothers
3] "Handle With Care" - Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
4] "Lost in the Supermarket" - The Clash
5] "Primitive Notion" - New Order
6] "New York" - Micro Chip League
7] "Say" - John Mayer
8] "The Queen Is Dead" - The Smiths
9] "Banana Pancakes" - Jack Johnson
10] "The New Pollution" - Beck
11] "New York Minute" - Don Henley
12] "Banquet" [The Streets Remix] - Bloc Party
13] "Let's Push Things Forward" - The Streets
14] "New York Minute" - Don Henley
15] "Theft, And Wandering Around Lost" - The Cocteau Twins
16] "Shut Up And Let Me Go" - The Ting Tings
17] "Charmer" - Kings of Leon
18] "I'm Gonna Be [500 Miles]" - The Proclaimers
19] "Falling Down" [Chemical Brothers Remix] - Oasis
20] "Mayor of Simpleton" - XTC

Alright, that done, things need to be addressed, *stat*--

~ Rage Against the Machine, you are definitely some serious heroes in the music world. --those wondering why I say this, this recent YouTube from 2 September sums it up quite nobly:
"Bulls on Parade" and "Killing in the Name of" - Rage Against the Machine

For the background on this, read more at the blog on Above the Fold.

~ Siren, thank you again for the half-gallon of mint-chocolate chip ice cream. Sadly I haven't snacked on that since you visited Tuesday afternoon. I haven't finished the half-gallon though... got a helluva long way to go.

~ Kit darlin', whoop your ex in the behind on my behalf, because he kinda screwed up our hang-out time Thursday. Or not. In any case, see you Monday afternoon after I'm done at three. Hopefully. We defo need to hang out.

~ DJ, your comic version of Trans-Europa is nothing short of brilliant!! --for those who aren't familiar too well with her she's a fellow Barney's Angel and, she's 15 and LOVES Kraftwerk. And she draws wonderfully. I have evidence.

This is her cover for her comic version of Trans-Europa *it's a clicky-thumbnail because, really, yes, it's kinda big to fit on this blog, but it's still awesomeness*


~ Louise dear, I never thought you'd get the tail end of the storms we Floridians/American folk get as far as Tropical Storms, Hurricanes, and the like. My thoughts are definitely with you. As well as to all in the path of these darn storms. I hate 'em, don't you know? [Hurricane Andrew started it all for me, Summer of '92, folks.] And I do want to thank you again for putting together this for me, which is my song of the day for today:
"Neon Lights/Neonlicht" - Kraftwerk


~ Saint Barnabas folks, the Choir says, as of tomorrow, weeee're baaaack!!

~ The Verve, THANK YOU BIG TIME FOR REUNITING!! I didn't think you guys sound THIS awesome now, I'm definitely getting your new album ASAP, because this song's been playing on the indie station here. I didn't recognize you guys... OMG. I'm defo happy you've guys got new stuff out; hell, I didn't even realise you guys had your new album "Forth" out on 26 August--gosh I'm behind...
"Love Is Noise" - The Verve *yes, the verve!*


~ And finally, Roboter--yes, I saved you for last, 'cause everything I've had to say to you, I've e-mailed. I'm not gonna repost all that on here. Kinda lacked the patience for it.



...alrighty folks, I think I've just about said everything that should've been said this week. And tonight, for the first time in two weeks, I think I'm going to bed with a helluva clearer conscience. And God himself knows why.

*sigh* Now, anchoring down for the consequences of the letter--I'm hoping against hope that... well... the situation won't be as bad as I've been wigging out on.

*fingers crossed!!*

And until the next round, which won't be until Tuesday most likely...

~ me

Chapter 162 ~ There is no end to this...

*sigh* So my friend the Choir Ducky... well...

His niece passed away sometime this week. She was born prematurely some months ago, was diagnosed with... not sure if it was leukemia [sorry if it's spelt wrong] or pneumonia... but anywho.

Ducky had asked the Choir--and the parish--to pray for his sister and the baby, and for his mother who had some health issues of her own.

So right now the death toll occuring to someone in my Chain of Friends is at 7, in 4 months. So.un.freckin'.fair. Spent the better part of Friday night after finding out about it in solitude, until I got Roboter on the phone and, basically, finally cried for about an hour and a half or so. Most of the phone conversation was better spent in silence. But the fact that I could rely on him when I needed a good cry was enough for me to endure yesterday on five hours of sleep. It was worth the tears, lack of sleep be damned. And yes, my coworkers were a positive help albeit I was mostly half-asleep throughout yesterday. Mad props to them, big time.

So tomorrow I'm off. Laundry day. Pay day. Sleep-in day. Add-more-music-to-the-'Pod day. Day-before-getting-back-to-work day. Monday.

But, it's hard to face the next few days when a prayer gets answered in a way that, at first, you think isn't fair. Why did the little one have to die?

I am sure, however, that God had better plans for her than a life of pain... that's my current hope of the day, and I'm sticking to it.

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.... If God is for us, who is against us?... Who will separate us from the love of Christ?... For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~ Saint Paul's Letter to the Romans, Chapter 8

Chapter 130: One By One I'll Knock Ya Out!!

It seems that, the song of the day being "Cellphone's Dead" by Beck, I'm still stuck on last-Friday-night mode. Went to catch Ani and his best pal Barbara at Coffee Bistro 101, then Benny Loco at Caffe daVinci afterwards, Friday night. Awesome night all around.

Two other songs that made some good noise inside were the DFA Remix of "Paper Planes" by M.I.A. and the Soulwax Remix of "Get Innocuous!" by LCD Soundsystem. Overall Benny Loco's mix set was incredible. I loved it!!



In other [and, er, not-so-good] news, fellow Chorister Connie's husband passed away this week; funeral's next Sunday afternoon so, :-\ yeah. It's bound to be a long week this week.

More later, when I can think a bit more proper...

~ me

Chapter 105: Jesus Christ Is Risen Today--ALLELUIA!!

Alleluia, Christ is risen!!
The Lord is risen indeed, ALLELUIA!!
Many Easter Cheers to you Underground readers today. Trust me when I say that, this will be the earliest in another 200-some-odd years, and the last time it was the VERY EARLIEST [March 22] was in 18??, and even THAT won't happen again for another 200-some-odd years! So yes, this Easter is as early as it's gonna get, folks!

And, starting this year I'm recelebrating Easter Week, as I used to back in the Roman Catholic Church, but it'll be with a nice, new twist. This week, starting with tonight, I'm going to do something a bit, er, different. In fact, this morning I did that already--I recolored the red in my hair THIS MORNING and still made it to Choir practice on time! This year also starts a new tradition for me--getting Choirmaster Peter a cute plushie toy. Peter <3's plushies--or, quoting him, "I love fuzzies!" ^_^ He's so adorable, that Choirmaster. And, did I ever say he is just simply fantabulous? He's a composer, and a brilliant one at that!! I could go on and on about him, but, being that I'm more alongside trying to finish this entry and actually get some sleep [work tomorrow *sigh*] I won't go on and on about him. Though really, I wish I could. *shrug*

Meanwhile, Siren's visit was simply wonderful, however short. He arrived in town at around 9:30 Friday night, had to head out at 6 last night to head home for Easter. I miss him already, but at least we're still talking and stuff, so it's all good. It was fantabulous, and hopefully he'll get to stop by again soon!

I'll stop here for the moment--according to my clock it's 9:00 P.M., and that means I have to be up in 7 hours. Time to get the uniform together...



Alleluia, Christ is risen!!
The Lord is risen indeed, ALLELUIA!!
~ "Sunshine"