*plucked from chapter 41--damn, that's an old pic! lol!*
yep, his codename is shiori now. so, sha'up!] last Saturday night, yeah. It's about time I got around to catching up with him more. He has my number. He and I want to hang out. And, well, yeah... I guess I'm just waiting on that call now. But at the same time I don't want to seem desperate... but, getting back to what I was saying! Part of me's all, God would probably prefer me to not worry myself over being with someone. And at the same time, reconnecting with Shiori makes me think, Y'know, God doesn't want me to give up. Just to stop worrying about it. So, I am not sure.
I am, however, sure on this--Hideki-chan... well, I think it's almost entirly safe to say that, I think I am done with him. Yes, he hasn't called me back, or texted me, or whatever. Perhaps I am nothing more than an afterthought in his mind? I am not sure. I will, however, vent in stating the fact that, it's almost way too f@#ked up that, he and his roommates plot up movie nights just about every single Friday night--and yet Hideki couldn't even bother so much as to make plans with me. So, hey! it's his loss now. If he wants to get a hold of me, he has my number; otherwise, I'm pretty much done with him for a while. Because, you know what... it's not fair. It's just NOT fair. And it only goes to show that, perhaps, I *do* deserve someone better, one that *can* and *will* put in an effort to make time.
Don't worry though--as soon as Mommy gets the laptop hard drive and gets it sent over here, then... yeah. My social life's gonna be back in the shelf, and it'll be back to spending time on the laptop and getting creative and stuff. I miss doing all of that. And, at least, that way I won't have to worry myself over boredom. For all I know, I could just spend my eventides at home and not worry over what-all I'm doing with friends. And if someone bails on me at the last minute, I can just stay home and chat with everyone else. That person's loss, everyone else's gain!
You know that old saying. Revenge is a bitch.
Meanwhile... I am still recovering from work last week, and the past couple of days. It almost feels like, I get into one minor scrape, recover from that, only to get smacked with something else. It never f@#king ends. And, sadly, I really don't know what else to do about it--aside from keeping my faith firm in God and leaning on him when I can't find the strength to do otherwise. Not that I don't lean on God--I do, but sometimes it feels like he's not there. But I know he is--he's just testing me. Sadly though, I will confess that, in all my imperfections, I have failed a good handful of his tests. He does forgive me though, but I just wish I wasn't such an imperfect brat. On the otherhand, I don't wish to be entirely perfect--perfectionism isn't my best strength. And the last time I really hated myself for my imperfectionism, I almost killed myself, and that was six years ago!
Aside from that, March is over, and my heart grieves over all the failures and imperfections of that month. I will get over it, and move on. I have better things to do than waste my precious time over people that just won't bother with me.
In the immortal words of the Sundays' "Love", "Just love yourself like no one else..."
~ me
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