Now, never mind the tears that blur my sight as I try to type this and make any sort of sense. I mean... what is there left to say and feel when... okay. Wait. Let me start from the beginning...
Once upon a time...
--Monday, to be exact.
Hideki visited me... he went to visit me. Best two hours of the whole damn day. I mean, not that the rest of the day was hectic--but it was a good day. And his visit was the perfect ending to it. All was well... nothing was wrong.
So imagine the shock and sinking heart when I read the following text that he'd sent just minutes before my workday was over today...
"Hey stuff just changed. I think it's best if we don't see each other any more."
How, then... how am I supposed to feel when all of a sudden, this happens? And it's hard not to cry when, in the end, that's all I want to do. Cry. Because in the end, it never fails... I'm the one that ends up with the broken heart. And it only brings me to a realisation that, I am officially afraid to let any guy get close to me. Ever again. It hurts.
Worst of all is, he hasn't answered the "Why?" of it. So, I don't know what the hell is going on.
I let my guard down... I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have let him get close to me, I should've remembered why I couldn't let anyone get too close to me. But what did I do? Stupid as it may seem, I did it anyway--and now... now what? Perhaps, I should've just realised this and yet, no... I was blind and stupid. I loved blindly. And now... well...
look at the mess I'm in now.
All of a sudden, this awesome week I'd been having... misadventures at a Minor Basilica and a Cemetery... a new outfit... that epic 11-hour workday yesterday [which I survived and ended up feeling like SuperPunk]... the leak in the bathroom ceiling being fixed in 12 hours [between last night and today]...
none of that matters anymore, once the heart is suddenly smashed.
And what really stinks is that, I had *just* gotten over this stupid illness. I swear, if it's not one thing going wrong it's something else altogether. But, I guess, that's how life is, sadly. There's no escape from that, is there?
Is this what-all I end up amounting to--a broken heart? A love's failure? Is that what I will have to see myself as? Because, if this is all I've become then, I'll be damned if I ever, ever let a man get close to me again.
*sigh* Give me time. I'll recover. And at the same time, I wonder if I will ever really recover from this...
Brokenhearted...
~ me
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