Song of the Moment|"Happiness" - Goldfrapp.
WARNING|STRONG LANGUAGE AND/OR BRUTAL HONESTY INVOLVED!
It's been three... no, four. Four weeks since Orin was here. I'm in my taking-names mode again. This heart is still recovering, trying to heal...
trying to function...
to think...
to feel...
As I listen to "Happiness", I had to look back on the more chaotic part of the past couple of weeks. Had it really been four weeks since I last saw him? Oh hell, it must've been. It almost feels like eternity; on the other hand, it feels like it was only maybe two weeks ago. The wounds are still fresh and, while I really seem to be doing well within the whim and company of coworkers and friends, I am still afraid to let any guy ever really get close to me again. The closest guy I have in my life now is my beloved Choirmaster, and he's leaving, so it hasn't really made matters that much better.
One can say that, I have truly hit a quarter-life crisis. At this point in time, I am thoroughly convinced that, I truly am not meant to be anyone's someone. This I am realising as the days pass by and the months slowly begin to dull out. I can't heal as fast as I expected myself to. I need more time. I need to make more time for myself. I need...
I need to stop kidding myself. I can't keep convincing myself that someone better will come along, because... because that would only be me kidding myself...
*sigh* I spent at least four hours trying to type this post. I think I'm done with it for the night.
Mending the shattered fragments...
~ me
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