Chapter 2010|FINAL

So I'm sitting here in the Crew Room at work right now, typing out what is the final Chapter of the Underground blog for 2010... and really, it's been a helluva year. I mean, thank God it's pretty much just 'bout over but, you know, it wasn't an easy year. Of course, I had my heart dented a few times, and each time I came out a bit stronger. I've lost friends AND family this year due to death, been to a handful of funerals, worked a whole lot of hours, and had a rather... erm... awkward vacation. [Yes, all the drama minus work... wow.] I have had my heart broken, and had to break hearts as well. And then there came Zokusho-chan!! [Yes, Sprocket's got a more fitting codename here on the blog. It's his Starian name. Those of y'all who know, know. Uh-huh.]

Sooo, that all having been said, let's get down to a rather crazy recapping of 2010--Trans-Underground Express style!!

First and foremost... to those who have passed on this year...
+ Grams [Great-grandma|Stepmom's side of the family]
+ Aunt Jackie [Great-Auntie Jackie|Stepmom's side of the family, Grandma Sharon's sister]
+ Lee [Jeanne's Mom|Jeanne - fellow DOK]
+ Ruthie [Gretchen's Mom|Gretchen - fellow DOK]
+ Grandpa Jim's Sister [i don't know her name unfortunately but, she is still family]
+ Janet [the blind lady whom Terry and Steffi from the Choir brought to and from Church for the past four years--she was like a Nana to me]
+ James [Seiya's Dad]
+ Jean [whom I had been praying for some time; she was on my personal prayer roster]
...may their souls and all the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. + Amen.

There, that done... time to really, REALLY recap the year. This is gonna get a bit, erm, discombobulated... here we go...

+ J a n u a r y |...wait, who the heck was I seeing again? Oh, right. Hideki. Huh. Meanwhile, 2010 began, new crew in and old crew out. And... OMFG!!! IT SNOWED IN FLORIDA!!!!

...uhm, yep. 'Cause I walked to work that morning and saw it all go down from the Drive-Thru. Uh-huh. Yes, it snowed in Florida... pigs won't need an aviation license now. Our days are numbered.

+ F e b r u a r y |Valentine's day... spent alone. [Am I surprised? Of course not!!] And speaking of Valentine's Day--which fell on a Sunday this year, yes... I finally 'fessed up to Yukita that I have a crush on him. Probably the craziest thing I've done all year, but one of the best things too. Those who know how I am with him by now, yeah... y'all know. He'll always be my buddy!! ^-^

+ M a r c h |All hail the kick-butt Saint Patrick, huzzah!!! [Irish pride, show respect!] Meanwhile things were at the rather quiet stalemate between Hideki and I. [And did I mention that he kinda forgot Valentine's day? ...never mind, he's fixing to be out of the picture for months.] And I got to 'meet' by Great-Auntie Cathie, who's my Grandpa Robert's sister! Definitely a day that my Orange-and-Green Irish blood shone the most this year!!

+ A p r i l |...what DID happen in April? *checks the blog archives*

...oh. Right. Hideki's infamous "Hey, stuff just changed. I think it's best if we don't see each other any more" text. And we all know the crap that went down after that.

OH! and I fell sick for the first time all year. Don't worry, that wasn't the first time either...

+ M a y |Ooooh, boy oh boy was it an interesting one this year. Final month for the Choral Year '09-'10, and a bittersweet one at that, because it was Yukita's final month as Choirmaster before going on his sabbatical. Though, thankfully, we have since kept in touch [thank God!], but... well... it hasn't been the same. But we already kinda knew that, didn't we?

Oh and, my dear Italian "Nana" Janet, who was around maybe 80, sharp as a tack, legally blind and yet the sweetest woman in the world... died. As if my little world hadn't fallen apart... but not everyone saw the tears. Those that know... know.

+ J u n e |Well... two things to kick off this past June. One, Janet's funeral. And two, I fell sick... AGAIN. Whatever kicked me in the head the first time around in April, came around a second time to REALLY lay the smack'down on me again. Ugh... that was anything but fun, folks. [And those of y'all who know how I am when I'm under the weather... uhm... yeah... you know I'm not the most pleasant person to be around (but then again, who isn't when they've fallen sick).] Halfway through the month I survived what was the most screwed-up first date ever; and then [on a dating site of all things] I got this message around the end of the month by a particular person who would soon "awaken" as Zokusho-chan...

[Hey, he's addressed me as Setsuna from the very beginning. Who'd have thought that it would be the beginning?]

+ J u l y |My oh my... let's just say, enter Zokusho. Oh, and the World Cup, Kids Night on a slow summer lull [BORING!], and a handful of friends that I hadn't seen in four years. Boy what a July this was!!

+ A u g u s t |VAAAAACATIIIOOONNNN!!!!!

...pfft. What vacation? Vacation this year was spent stuck in town, and with all the drama that could've ensued, minus work. So I can't really count this year's week off as a vacation... *sigh* Sorry folks, I just can't. On a lighter note, I did get to visit St. Augustine for the first time--THAT, was awesome!!! [Don't believe me? Ask Zokusho--he went with me!]

Oh and, Great-Auntie Jackie died... my heart broke.

+ S e p t e m b e r |T minus one month to turning 27, and much went down. New Choral Year--first one with the new Choirmaster. DOK Fall Assembly at the Cathedral [OH SNAP!!! I still have pics to send over, dang nabbit... wow, did I remember this NOW or what!?], first Evensong of the Year, and Zokusho meets my family!!

And yes, everyone got along... LOL!!

+ O c t o b e r |I turned 2-freckin'-7... wow... and the night before that, Zokusho and I exchanged the dreaded [but still quaint anyway] three-worded sentence. [Hey, y'all know what I'm talking about...] And then Siren started talking crap again... if you can remember Chapter 254, you already know. And Halloween, which was spent being a Sailor Senshi for the first time since I became a fan of 'Sailor Moon' 13 years back. Really, the best Halloween EVER.

Better yet, the best Halloween party ever, which went down the weekend before Halloween!!! [Zokusho-chan, you know what-all I'm talking about!!!]

+ N o v e m b e r |Not only did the cold weather start around November, but this month was also the epic National Novel Writing Month... also known as NaNoWriMo! And this year, I participated for the first time as a Wrimo [that's the term for 'Writer']. It's an annual thing... this year was the 11th year; the goal of NaNoWriMo is 50,000+ words in 30 days. I reached my goal and then some by the early morning of Thursday 25 November--which, by the way, was Thanksgiving day this year. And THAT, brought about another little surprise which will only go by one word... Someday.

+ D e c e m b e r |Hanukkah, Yule and Christmas--OH MY!!! Not to mention cold as heck too, for the most part--it's really been feeling like winter this year! [There have been days that I go in some ten freckin' layers... OMG...] I also celebrated my first Yule too--which is a Pagan holiday; basically, Yule is the Winter Solstice. [And yes, Zokusho is a Pagan... let the religious education begin before anyone starts judging, folks! DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!] This year, Yule kicked off with a Lunar Eclipse AND a minor meteor shower, which Zokusho and I both got to watch. And then there came Christmas last weekend, with the best Christmas that I can say, I ever had.

And now... something I haven't done in a very long time... it's the OFFICIAL return of, The Starian Union Radio Random 20!!!

+ 1 |"Love Song" / Simple Minds
+ 2 |"Masoko Tanga" / The Police
+ 3 |"Price of Gas" / Bloc Party
+ 4 |"Hitherto" / Cocteau Twins
+ 5 |"Why Me" / Flesh For Lulu
+ 6 |"4 Page Letter" / Aaliyah
+ 7 |"E-Bow the Letter" / R.E.M.
+ 8 |"Link" / [KISS Mix] / L'Arc~en~Ciel
+ 9 |"Wax and Wane" / [BBC Session] / Cocteau Twins
+ 1 0 |"No Love Lost" / Joy Division
+ 1 1 |"Home" / [acoustic version] / The Goo Goo Dolls
+ 1 2 |"Frosty the Snowman" / Cocteau Twins
+ 1 3 |"Cool for Cats" / Squeeze
+ 1 4 |"New York" / [Dance Floor Cut] / Microchip League
+ 1 5 |"Genetic Engineering" / Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark
+ 1 6 |"Street Thing" / Aaliyah
+ 1 7 |"Daysleeper" / R.E.M.
+ 1 8 |"Soul Meets Body" / Death Cab For Cutie
+ 1 9 |"forbidden lover" / L'arc~en~Ciel
+ 2 0 |"She's Lost Control" / [Peel Session] / Joy Division

ALRIGHT! that done... well... I think that's about it for the year... wow. I can't believe 2010 has come and gone but, I'm glad it worked for the best in the end. I'm thankful that I made it through another year really. Now I have to brace myself for 2011... this is going to be a very interesting year ahead, filled with many a possibility and adventure, mishap and mayhem. I can't wait for the New Year to come around, and for this one to be done and over with!!!

Sooo, from my end of the Underground to yours, may this New Year be better than the Old Year that's about to end in... well, in my case, less than seven hours. Though, depending on where you are, it's probably already 2011 where you're at. In any case, and in any form, be safe and well, one and all.

Much love from the Trans-Underground Express... HAPPY 2011!!!

For the sake of auld lang syne...
~ me

Chapter 232 ~ Storm the Front

Sooo... another March has come and gone. It's sad though, because this was a month I really had high hopes for. With the exception of Engeki-chan's visit and reuniting with family that I love and miss immensely, and not to mention yesterday's surprise inspection during the first two freckin' hours of my shift [guh... gotta love the stress on borderline-explode] which our store passed, well... yeah. This month has been one of many tears and disappointments.

And it hurts, a lot.

Death's struck three or four times that I can think of; plans I made with friends, in advance, fell through rather badly; stress at work got to me, and I have a burn from Monday morning as a piece of evidence to show for it.

Hideki-chan... well... I don't know 'bout him anymore. I called and left him a voicemail this past Saturday asking if he'd like to get together with me this Saturday, maybe go see a movie or two. [There's two, actually, that I'd like to see--"Kick Ass" and "How to Train Your Dragon"... surprise! Sunny wanna go see movies for once!!] Sadly, well, I haven't heard from him yet, and tomorrow's Maundy Thursday and, I'm pretty much looking forward to what could possibly be a Saturday alone. Again. I think I'll prepare to take another Cemetery Excursion that afternoon, and then go to the Easter Vigil service at Church before heading home to just do *something.* I am not sure what I will do to keep myself occupied but, that's pretty much what things are looking like for the moment unless Hideki can step up his game a bit. It's a shame too... I really like him. And I know that he likes me too but, right now... well... it makes me want to doubt that. And I really, really don't want to have to have doubts about his feelings for me. It just sucks that he's too busy to actually make time for me. Thank his job for that, folks. But... I don't blame him. I just wish that things weren't such a damn strain for us right now. *sigh* We'll just have to wait and see what happens from here.

Meanwhile, I had planned twice to hang out with Siren and, both times they fell through. I suppose I won't go into specifics but, the timing's gone all wrong, and the situations didn't seem quite so proper. So, I don't know. I'm thinking, maybe an I-Bar excursion this summer. When things aren't so crazy and Choir's on vacation. But unless Siren gets over a case of hurt pride [remember Siren--rejection is a bitch. this I know. remember when you dumped me? uh-huh, i thought so. lesson learned, case in mind, now let's move it along m'kay?], I doubt I'll be visiting I-Bar again anytime soon. Thankfully I have plenty of 80's mixes to keep my ears otherwise preoccupied.

And, in other whims... well... Kaguya is my friend again. Yes, Mikey. I have found a codename--it's actually the name I've used for the Starian Union stories. So, anywho, yes, I have reconnected with Kaguya and, to be honest, it's good to catch up with him again. I kinda miss the boy, really. Just sad that, when I look back sometimes, he did break my heart. But, I have since gotten over that minor pain--I'm not gonna let a failed romance kill any possibility of a damn good friendship. I don't know--maybe we'll be together again someday, maybe not. If it's meant to be, then so be it. I have my doubts though... maybe because of my whole stance against the "second chance"-type thing. But, I don't know, maybe some things are worth a second try? I am not sure. And I won't jump the gun on this either... I'm not that stupid.

Aside from Engeki-chan's visit, I've tried to make plans to hang out with friends some four times this month. So far, three of them have all fallen through somehow, through circumstances unexpected. And, the way things are going, plan #4 might end up in the same way with the others. That is fine, however--it just means that, I'm going to start making back-up plans for myself. If I've got something going on with a friend and that falls through at the last minute, I've got something to fall back on and get around to. Determined, me? Perhaps. But, in the end, I'm not going to let disappointment f@#k me up and over. Basically, those who back out on me, will just miss out--plain and simple.

This month marked the 6-year anniversary of my only suicide attempt, and my surviving it. Painful as it seems, it's been perhaps the darkest of my moments, and probably my greatest triumph. I hadn't felt as weak as I was at that moment, when I almost ended my existence. To be honest, I'm glad I survived it, even as there were times when I really wanted to doubt my existence and survival. Because, there'd been days when really did wish I hadn't survivied the attempt. In the end, however, I am glad that I did--because, when you think about it, there'd be a handful of people left behind, and even more that I'd never met and touched the lives of. Sooo, yeah, I'm glad I survived. And I think I'm a better person for it. Yes, I'll have my tears. Yes, life will have many a disappointment. Yes, work's always going to want to beat me 'til it hurts, and people will spite me for God knows whatever reason. Yes, I'll have trying times... but hey. Trials will not have the last word--God will. And in Him do I keep and will continue to trust. Mark my words on that.

Sooo... I guess that's this now-ending month, all in all. Or, at least, my analysis of it anyway. Much has gone on, and I'm not even sure if whether or not I should look forward to April. However, I should. And I am. Because, there's Easter. And the 125th Anniversary of the Daughters of the King [woohoo!!], and... and... crap. I guess that's about all to look forward to for April, right? I mean, aside from Kids Night on Tuesdays and all that... but, still.

*sigh* I think I need to start finding my own reasons to celebrate. 'Cause trying to make plans to hang out with friends [only to watch 'em fall apart] just doesn't seem to be working for me at this rate. More Cemetery Excursions and more plotting for Kids Nights, those seem to be in order for me, enough to keep me mentally sane. Or somewhere close to otherwise-fully-preoccupied. If people want to make plans with me, they need to follow through. Otherwise, time wasted. Back-up plans are now in effect for Saturday--and if Hideki can't step up to the plate, then it's his loss. I can always go celebrate Easter a few hours early.

Fed up with worthless wastes of time...
~ me

Chapter 230 ~ Reckonings and Randomosities

So today's my day off. Not much has changed, aside from a lot. I haven't seen Hideki-chan in a bit over a week. More than a week in fact. And I know he's been busy. The most I can do is to just pray and watch over him from a distance. I hate how I feel though--it's almost like love. It shouldn't be love, so why the f@#k do I feel so... so...

God, it better not be love. Or else my heart's gonna get freckin' shot. I hate it. I'm scared. And the problem is, when someone gets too close... they leave. Either that or, great person but the timing is just so wrong. And I fear that, it's bound to be more a combination of the two. I mean, I really like Hideki-chan. A lot. It hurts. The most I can do is make the best of it and just keep praying for the best.

Speaking of Hideki-chan, I actually wrote a nice letter today. It was small, only two pages, front only. And we're talking a size of 7"x5", wide-ruled! But, the Boss and I did get to talk for a bit and, I think I impressed him pretty decently. I mean, I'm sure Hideki-chan told him about me a bit but, I felt it was a proper idea to introduce myself to him personally and hand him the letter. All in all, noblest thing I've done all week. I can only hope the Boss has something good to say to Hideki-chan about our little chance-meeting this morning.

...but, we haven't spoken in so long... the silence... hurts...

Meanwhile, today is my day off. Hurrah for Wednesdays. And I get to take on my responsibilities as Secretary in my Daughters of the King Chapter. I have, gosh... some 6 to 8 months' worth of notes to sort out for Chapter President Marcia?? Eh, yeah. Thankfully though, she has a copy of every Agenda for the meetings, so I just need to send her the minutes for all the meetings I have. And luckily, they're not that much anyway--it's pretty much notes and what-all's been discussed. Not too much to sort out. So, I think I just might be able to get it all squared away and taken care of and all that. This might be fun.

And, two songs of note. The first one is the Song of the Week:
"Put the Message in the Box" - World Party


The other is the Song of the Day--and dedicated to my Choirmaster [because, as I'm continuing what I call the Mind-Expansion Project (which was started back around Christmastime), if Peter hasn't heard this (and I am assuming he hasn't heard it!) then, he's in for a nice musical treat]:
"Forever Young" - Youth Group
[song originally done by alphaville]


And on *that* whim and bombshell, time to finally take on the notes from all those meetings. Yes, I just spent two hours on the computer in the current "Underground" [still laptop'less unfortunately], and writing out this post and checkin' out YouTube and clearing out some 20-freckin'-million e-mails and... and...

[SHUT. UP. SUNSHINE!]
...eh, until the next round...

~ me

Chapter 229 ~ FINALLY!! --did y'all miss me?

Well, first and foremost, Happy freckin' 2010!! New Year, New Decade, and [of course] new mishaps to be had. That said, second, please allow me to apologise for my extremely long absence! The laptop's hard drive went dead [dang f@#kin' nabbit!!] just before the New Year, so I've basically been stuck onto the mobile. [Gee, yeah. Like I can afford it to do that every. single. month?] And, LOTS of drama at work [but it's enough to keep me crazy-busy, surprising enough]. But, enough of the nonsuch--let's get to the important stuff [updates, anyone?]!!

For one, I *finally* 'fessed up to my Choirmaster that... yes, I have a crush on him. And yes, it took a *lot* of courage on my part [because, HEY! Sunny's a coward, don't you know?], but it was worth it. Of course, I made a borderline-complete ID10T of myself--but, not in front of the Choir, thank God! And hey, the Choirmaster was cool with it. So, that's one less worry on my nerve to panic about. Am I happy that I finally 'fessed up? Absofreckin'lutely!

In other news, I have two guys that I really, REALLY like. One of 'em, who visits me on Mondays usually, he's codenamed Hideki. Hurrah for codenames. But, anywho, yeah, I like Hideki... a lot. That, is all I am going to say on that whim, folks!

And as for work, things have gone mighty interesting. For one... well, the weather f@#king sucks. It's cold. Too cold. I am not the biggest fan of cold weather, so being in the Drive-Thru is just... well... horrible. I've been in layers... *starts counting on her fingers* ...carp. Nine layers total. Damn, it's been cold in Florida. And to add to that, I've been having a few Opening [4:15 a.m. - 1 p.m.] shifts too; to be honest, I've been doing pretty well with those shifts. But, it's nice to sleep in an hour every now and then [those who know how my work schedule usually is, will get the idea]!

As for music, eh, not much has changed. No update necessary.

Running out of words and updates for now...
~ me