Chapter 2010|FINAL

So I'm sitting here in the Crew Room at work right now, typing out what is the final Chapter of the Underground blog for 2010... and really, it's been a helluva year. I mean, thank God it's pretty much just 'bout over but, you know, it wasn't an easy year. Of course, I had my heart dented a few times, and each time I came out a bit stronger. I've lost friends AND family this year due to death, been to a handful of funerals, worked a whole lot of hours, and had a rather... erm... awkward vacation. [Yes, all the drama minus work... wow.] I have had my heart broken, and had to break hearts as well. And then there came Zokusho-chan!! [Yes, Sprocket's got a more fitting codename here on the blog. It's his Starian name. Those of y'all who know, know. Uh-huh.]

Sooo, that all having been said, let's get down to a rather crazy recapping of 2010--Trans-Underground Express style!!

First and foremost... to those who have passed on this year...
+ Grams [Great-grandma|Stepmom's side of the family]
+ Aunt Jackie [Great-Auntie Jackie|Stepmom's side of the family, Grandma Sharon's sister]
+ Lee [Jeanne's Mom|Jeanne - fellow DOK]
+ Ruthie [Gretchen's Mom|Gretchen - fellow DOK]
+ Grandpa Jim's Sister [i don't know her name unfortunately but, she is still family]
+ Janet [the blind lady whom Terry and Steffi from the Choir brought to and from Church for the past four years--she was like a Nana to me]
+ James [Seiya's Dad]
+ Jean [whom I had been praying for some time; she was on my personal prayer roster]
...may their souls and all the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. + Amen.

There, that done... time to really, REALLY recap the year. This is gonna get a bit, erm, discombobulated... here we go...

+ J a n u a r y |...wait, who the heck was I seeing again? Oh, right. Hideki. Huh. Meanwhile, 2010 began, new crew in and old crew out. And... OMFG!!! IT SNOWED IN FLORIDA!!!!

...uhm, yep. 'Cause I walked to work that morning and saw it all go down from the Drive-Thru. Uh-huh. Yes, it snowed in Florida... pigs won't need an aviation license now. Our days are numbered.

+ F e b r u a r y |Valentine's day... spent alone. [Am I surprised? Of course not!!] And speaking of Valentine's Day--which fell on a Sunday this year, yes... I finally 'fessed up to Yukita that I have a crush on him. Probably the craziest thing I've done all year, but one of the best things too. Those who know how I am with him by now, yeah... y'all know. He'll always be my buddy!! ^-^

+ M a r c h |All hail the kick-butt Saint Patrick, huzzah!!! [Irish pride, show respect!] Meanwhile things were at the rather quiet stalemate between Hideki and I. [And did I mention that he kinda forgot Valentine's day? ...never mind, he's fixing to be out of the picture for months.] And I got to 'meet' by Great-Auntie Cathie, who's my Grandpa Robert's sister! Definitely a day that my Orange-and-Green Irish blood shone the most this year!!

+ A p r i l |...what DID happen in April? *checks the blog archives*

...oh. Right. Hideki's infamous "Hey, stuff just changed. I think it's best if we don't see each other any more" text. And we all know the crap that went down after that.

OH! and I fell sick for the first time all year. Don't worry, that wasn't the first time either...

+ M a y |Ooooh, boy oh boy was it an interesting one this year. Final month for the Choral Year '09-'10, and a bittersweet one at that, because it was Yukita's final month as Choirmaster before going on his sabbatical. Though, thankfully, we have since kept in touch [thank God!], but... well... it hasn't been the same. But we already kinda knew that, didn't we?

Oh and, my dear Italian "Nana" Janet, who was around maybe 80, sharp as a tack, legally blind and yet the sweetest woman in the world... died. As if my little world hadn't fallen apart... but not everyone saw the tears. Those that know... know.

+ J u n e |Well... two things to kick off this past June. One, Janet's funeral. And two, I fell sick... AGAIN. Whatever kicked me in the head the first time around in April, came around a second time to REALLY lay the smack'down on me again. Ugh... that was anything but fun, folks. [And those of y'all who know how I am when I'm under the weather... uhm... yeah... you know I'm not the most pleasant person to be around (but then again, who isn't when they've fallen sick).] Halfway through the month I survived what was the most screwed-up first date ever; and then [on a dating site of all things] I got this message around the end of the month by a particular person who would soon "awaken" as Zokusho-chan...

[Hey, he's addressed me as Setsuna from the very beginning. Who'd have thought that it would be the beginning?]

+ J u l y |My oh my... let's just say, enter Zokusho. Oh, and the World Cup, Kids Night on a slow summer lull [BORING!], and a handful of friends that I hadn't seen in four years. Boy what a July this was!!

+ A u g u s t |VAAAAACATIIIOOONNNN!!!!!

...pfft. What vacation? Vacation this year was spent stuck in town, and with all the drama that could've ensued, minus work. So I can't really count this year's week off as a vacation... *sigh* Sorry folks, I just can't. On a lighter note, I did get to visit St. Augustine for the first time--THAT, was awesome!!! [Don't believe me? Ask Zokusho--he went with me!]

Oh and, Great-Auntie Jackie died... my heart broke.

+ S e p t e m b e r |T minus one month to turning 27, and much went down. New Choral Year--first one with the new Choirmaster. DOK Fall Assembly at the Cathedral [OH SNAP!!! I still have pics to send over, dang nabbit... wow, did I remember this NOW or what!?], first Evensong of the Year, and Zokusho meets my family!!

And yes, everyone got along... LOL!!

+ O c t o b e r |I turned 2-freckin'-7... wow... and the night before that, Zokusho and I exchanged the dreaded [but still quaint anyway] three-worded sentence. [Hey, y'all know what I'm talking about...] And then Siren started talking crap again... if you can remember Chapter 254, you already know. And Halloween, which was spent being a Sailor Senshi for the first time since I became a fan of 'Sailor Moon' 13 years back. Really, the best Halloween EVER.

Better yet, the best Halloween party ever, which went down the weekend before Halloween!!! [Zokusho-chan, you know what-all I'm talking about!!!]

+ N o v e m b e r |Not only did the cold weather start around November, but this month was also the epic National Novel Writing Month... also known as NaNoWriMo! And this year, I participated for the first time as a Wrimo [that's the term for 'Writer']. It's an annual thing... this year was the 11th year; the goal of NaNoWriMo is 50,000+ words in 30 days. I reached my goal and then some by the early morning of Thursday 25 November--which, by the way, was Thanksgiving day this year. And THAT, brought about another little surprise which will only go by one word... Someday.

+ D e c e m b e r |Hanukkah, Yule and Christmas--OH MY!!! Not to mention cold as heck too, for the most part--it's really been feeling like winter this year! [There have been days that I go in some ten freckin' layers... OMG...] I also celebrated my first Yule too--which is a Pagan holiday; basically, Yule is the Winter Solstice. [And yes, Zokusho is a Pagan... let the religious education begin before anyone starts judging, folks! DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!] This year, Yule kicked off with a Lunar Eclipse AND a minor meteor shower, which Zokusho and I both got to watch. And then there came Christmas last weekend, with the best Christmas that I can say, I ever had.

And now... something I haven't done in a very long time... it's the OFFICIAL return of, The Starian Union Radio Random 20!!!

+ 1 |"Love Song" / Simple Minds
+ 2 |"Masoko Tanga" / The Police
+ 3 |"Price of Gas" / Bloc Party
+ 4 |"Hitherto" / Cocteau Twins
+ 5 |"Why Me" / Flesh For Lulu
+ 6 |"4 Page Letter" / Aaliyah
+ 7 |"E-Bow the Letter" / R.E.M.
+ 8 |"Link" / [KISS Mix] / L'Arc~en~Ciel
+ 9 |"Wax and Wane" / [BBC Session] / Cocteau Twins
+ 1 0 |"No Love Lost" / Joy Division
+ 1 1 |"Home" / [acoustic version] / The Goo Goo Dolls
+ 1 2 |"Frosty the Snowman" / Cocteau Twins
+ 1 3 |"Cool for Cats" / Squeeze
+ 1 4 |"New York" / [Dance Floor Cut] / Microchip League
+ 1 5 |"Genetic Engineering" / Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark
+ 1 6 |"Street Thing" / Aaliyah
+ 1 7 |"Daysleeper" / R.E.M.
+ 1 8 |"Soul Meets Body" / Death Cab For Cutie
+ 1 9 |"forbidden lover" / L'arc~en~Ciel
+ 2 0 |"She's Lost Control" / [Peel Session] / Joy Division

ALRIGHT! that done... well... I think that's about it for the year... wow. I can't believe 2010 has come and gone but, I'm glad it worked for the best in the end. I'm thankful that I made it through another year really. Now I have to brace myself for 2011... this is going to be a very interesting year ahead, filled with many a possibility and adventure, mishap and mayhem. I can't wait for the New Year to come around, and for this one to be done and over with!!!

Sooo, from my end of the Underground to yours, may this New Year be better than the Old Year that's about to end in... well, in my case, less than seven hours. Though, depending on where you are, it's probably already 2011 where you're at. In any case, and in any form, be safe and well, one and all.

Much love from the Trans-Underground Express... HAPPY 2011!!!

For the sake of auld lang syne...
~ me

Chapter 251 ~ Tears and Needlepoint

Thou knowest, Lord, the secrets of our hearts;
shut not thy merciful ears to our prayer;
but spare us, Lord most holy, O God most mighty,
O Holy and merciful Savior,
thou most worthy Judge eternal.
Suffer us not, at our last hour,
for any pains of death, to fall from thee.
Amen.

So this week... well... I'd been nothing short of an emotional wreck. Between having to face being stuck in town this weekend while everyone's in Kentucky, and the past week being the equivalent to Murphy's Law, it's safe to say that I am not psyched about Choir starting up in full swing tomorrow. In fact, I won't lie--I actually forgot all about it until I spoke with fellow Alto Sue earlier this afternoon. [And to add to that, Choir Librarian Kim didn't even send out the memo either, and she usually does in the form of an e-mail!] Sooo... yeah... I'm just all fscked up today.

Sadly, today is Great-Aunt Jackie's funeral in Kentucky, and because no one at work wanted to open on my behalf, I had to open this morning [and end up working 9 + 1/2 hours because we were shorthanded]. Between 11 A.M. and 2:20 P.M. there were times that I had to fight the tears because, between the sympathy pains and the fact that I felt so bad that I couldn't be with my family, I was hurting so badly. After I clocked out for the day I spent some time in the Crew Room--10 to 15 minutes of it crying those held-back tears. I felt a lot better after that good cry but there's still a part of me somewhere in the sorrow. And I know there'll be more tears to cry later on.

This week I also got back into an old love: needlepoint. Yes, needlepoint. You see, Great-Aunt Jackie taught me needlepoint four years ago at the Family Reunion. I made some two projects, but then fell out of that for a very, VERY long time. This week, I made four projects for the first time in four years. It just all came back to me the minute I got started--while Aunt Jackie taught me how to make the name "Jesus", I taught myself how to make a heart. And I've made three hearts so far--one for myself [which I'm wearing now], one for Aunt Jackie for Mom to put in her grave, and one for a friend and fellow Daughter whose Mom died earlier this week [the funeral was yesterday afternoon by the way, which I attended]. I also made a needlepoint on a circle-shaped plastic canvas--THAT, took me some three or four hours to make. I still have yet another project heart to make--this time, for Sprocket, but I'll wait until he gets here to make that. The canvas is small, like about 1 inch by 1 inch; and the project doesn't take too long to make.

Aside from all that... well... I guess that's it. That's all there is to it. This week wasn't entirely a loss but it wasn't really an improvement from the week prior [which was vacation--or was supposed to be vacation anyway] either. Sooo... yeah... I think the tears aren't done falling yet. But it's only a matter of time before I end up crying for a while more...

Almighty God,
Father of mercies and giver of all comfort:
Deal graciously, we pray thee,
with all those who mourn,
that casting every care on thee,
they may know the consolation of thy love;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

May Jackie and Ruthie's souls,
and the souls of all the departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
+ Amen.

[italicised prayers from the funeral liturgy, book of common prayer, rite 1.]

Trying to pick up the pieces of a fragile, broken self...

~ me

A Final Letter to Aunt Jackie

I can remember having met you, Great-Aunt Jackie, four years ago at the family reunion on my Stepmom's side. Aunt Jackie... well, you were quite a character. You were also quite a sweet lady. Heck, you even taught me needlepoint--which was something I got into for a while, but slipped away from and would love to get back into. We had quite a good time getting to know each other better, and vowed to keep in touch. Which we did, time and again. Although my only regret is, I didn't spend enough time. Time... well, it's one thing we never can have enough of, this I know.

Last summer, en route from Indiana back to Florida, we stopped in Kentucky to visit you for a couple of hours. While the younger siblings went to pick blackberries, you, Stepmom and I stayed inside and talked all the while. At the time, you were fighting cancer--which worried me a bit, because I know of people who've died in their battle against cancer [Great-Grandma Ana Julia being one of them]. In the back of my mind, I wasn't sure how to bring it up with you, so I didn't. In the end, I was fairly glad that I didn't.

But then, the first of two family tragedies came to pass, with my Grams passing away up in Ohio [reference: Chapter 231|10 March 2010]. What I didn't know though at the time [and in fact I didn't know until Father's Day while talking with Grandma Sharon], was that you'd beaten cancer. But come Father's Day, Grandma Sharon gave me the update about your beating cancer--but with even more shocking news that, the cancer you'd been fighting and defeated... came back. That you were given 1 to 2 months to live. My heart broke, and I was sure enough on the watch... waiting... waiting...

The best thing God could ever do, was to call you home last night.

Rest in peace, Aunt Jackie. I love you.

Waiting 'til this weekend to finally say goodbye...

~ me


O God, whose mercies cannot be numbered: Accept our
prayers on behalf of your servant Jackie, and grant her an
entrance into the land of light and joy, in the fellowship of
your saints; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and
reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for
ever. + Amen.

[funeral liturgy, book of common prayer.]

This Happy New Year...

Should old acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind,
a year so long and dreary true,
the tears for auld lang syne?

For loved ones come and go so soon
that, we've somehow lacked time
for memories longer spent so dear
which now dwell in our minds.

So now gathering we all now
to celebrate the New.
Yet for some of us tears still fall
for the Old we miss, once knew.

But lift thine eyes, and have a smile,
and share a glimpse of cheer--
sweet hope for now and evermore,
this sweet, happy New Year!

Lest we forget our guardians now
whom once we held so tight,
let's breathe a silent prayer for 'em
now in eternal light,

And share a smile of faith, hope, love,
and happiness--yours, mine,
and take that cup of kindness yet
for glorious auld lang syne!

May the name of the saintly be for blessing...
~ Ani's mother ~
~ Rabbit's mother ~
~ Choir Ducky's niece ~
~ Connie's husband ~
~ Corky's husband ~
~ Hester ~
~ Juan's dad ~
~ Jeff's dad ~
~ Taubin's two pet dogs Lulu and Bozo ~
~ Ben's dog [forgot the name--sorry] ~
~ Sissy Too's dad ~
~ Normita's brother ~
~ Sarah's daughter's cousin ~
~ Paul's dad ~
~ Andie's dad ~
~ Tabbsy's uncle ~
~ Shajohnna's aunt ~
~ Elena's father ~
~ Anne's father-in-law ~
~ Melissa P.'s grandmother ~
~ Bobbie's mother ~
~ Grandma Sharon's sister in law Aunt Sue ~
~ Indy's aunt ~

May they and all the souls of the faithful departed,
by the mercy of God, rest in peace,
and may light perpetual shine on them for evermore.
Amen.



...and now, that done... it's time for THE Final Starian Union Random 20 for this year! Before I forget, yes I *will* be returning to the usual Random 20 format possibly tomorrow, just in time for the first Thursday Tradition of 2009! Now, as for today's Special Random 20: this is a 2008 Best-Of and will be a bit on the interesting side because, I have taken all the favorite tuneage that came out this year, put in one playlist, and set it to Random. Except, the first song that played became #20 for the year, the second one #19 for the year, and so on, until there was a proper Top 20. Sooo... y'all ready for the most interesting [and Final!] Random 20 Countdown of the year? Well, so am I, so LET'S GO!!

1] "The News" - Carbon Silicon
2] "Cath" - Death Cab For Cutie
3] "Sirens" - The Whip
4] "Boots of Chinese Plastic" - The Pretenders
5] "Lost!" - Coldplay
6] "The Shock of the Lightning" - Oasis
7] "Sex on Fire" - Kings of Leon
8] "Feel the Love" - Cut Copy
9] "Love Is Noise" - The Verve
10] "Oh My Heart" - James
11] "You Don't Know Me" - Ben Folds + Regina Spektor
12] "Shut Up And Let Me Go" - The Ting Tings
13] "A-Punk" - Vampire Weekend
14] "Synthesize and Divide" - The Synthetic Divide
15] "Happiness" - Goldfrapp
16] "Terminal Boredom" - The Cute Lepers
17] "That's How People Grow Up" - Morrissey
18] "3 Sevens Clash" - Alarm
19] "The Perfect Love" - Hibernate
20] "The Only One" - The Cure

And some proper tunes in particular, for the boyfriend especially, but definitely for all of you to enjoy:
"My People" - The Presets


"Graveyard Girl" [Yuksek Remix] - M83
*Honorable Mention 2008*


"Talk Like That" [Miami Horror Remix] - The Presets
*Remix of the Week [Last 2008/First 2009]*


"Feel The Love" - Cut Copy


"This Boy's In Love" - The Presets


"Happiness" - Goldfrapp


"The Perfect Love" - Hibernate


"Synthesize and Divide" [DJ mix] - The Synthetic Divide


And that'll do it for the final Underground Blogpost for 2008! It's been a madcap helluva year for all of us, between the slumping economy, Mr. Obama's historic election to the Presidency, 20 deaths [and 5 funerals!], the Episcopal Church's chaotic split, and my Quarter-Centurian Birthday. And of course, all the proper makings of a quarter-life crisis. But, all in all, it's been a whimsical year for all of us. So...

Here's to all of us, to 2009! May it be better for all of us, wherever in the world we may be!

Happy New Year 2009, to you and yours, with lots of love from the Trans-Underground Express!

~ Jenn [Sunshine]

Chapter 191 ~ A Lamentation for the Fallen...

"Death Will Never Conquer" - Coldplay


The funeral Saturday went alright. I can't really say much else other than, the pain's a little greater than I can bear right now.

I could really use a distraction. Until then...

There is a quaint and proper halo,
when the tears can't be cried,
when the pain can't be said enough,
when the hurt isn't worth the words--

a silver lining in the clouds of despair,
in the dark sky of sorrow,
that silver lining being hope,

the assurance of faith in things
greater than the pain.

To the few and many that have passed on,
to leave friends and loved ones behind,
but not without leaving sweet reminders
of the reward for keeping the faith...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~ Ani's mother ~
~ Rabbit's mother ~
~ Choir Ducky's niece ~
~ Connie's husband ~
~ Corky's husband ~
~ Hester ~
~ Juan's dad ~
~ Jeff's dad ~
~ Taubin's two pet dogs Lulu and Bozo ~
~ Ben's dog [forgot the name--sorry] ~
~ Sissy Too's dad ~
~ Normita's brother ~
~ Sarah's daughter's cousin ~
~ Paul's dad ~
~ Andie's dad ~
~ Tabbsy's uncle ~
~ Shajohnna's aunt ~
~ Elena's father ~
~ Anne's father-in-law ~

"Love" ~ The Sundays *song of the week*


May they and all the souls
of the faithful departed,
by the Mercy of God,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
rest in peace,
light perpetual ever shining upon them.

Amen.


I think that, finally, I have begun to move on. Again.

Chapter 118: It's Only Been Three Years...

...yet the sadness is still there. The iron bell still tolling...



Even now, the memory of his loss...



And then, its final sorrow, and then a new beginning...



The Purest Pride of Poland, it's blessid gift to the World...





Ioannes Paulus II, Santo - MCMXX ~ MMV



~ "Sunshine"