Things went rather sour, big time, between Seiya and I. Then again, I didn't even realise just how much he was really hurting since the break-up last September. Hell, I thought we would be better off as friends. And for quite a while, things had been going okay. Sure, we didn't always communicate as much as we used to, but we kept in touch. We had endured the loss of loved ones, and we had a good laugh through the better times. Though we hadn't spoken for a few weeks, I had thought, He's probably busy. His life's been a bit hectic, and it's understandable. So of course I thought, things were alright. We'd keep in touch... right?
News flash--I was so wrong.
It started earlier yesterday afternoon, when Sprocket [remember the guy I met in Orlando last month? yep, he's got a codename now!] stopped over at my place. Conversations went between my Halloween costume and my Classic Lolita outfit, and then it went into the who's-who of the StarKnights. And that was when it dawned on me--I thought, Damn, that reminds me. I haven't seen Seiya-chan online in a while. So I checked my Facebook and... well... hell. Where the Helen of Troy was he!? Yeah, Sprocket could tell I got a bit worried.
So I sent a text to Seiya, and he responded. I asked if he was alright. He told me he wasn't, and to call him later on in the evening. About an hour or so passed by before I received an e-mail from him... and needless to say, I was shocked. Sprocket was surprised, albeit not quite as shocked as I was. I just didn't know how to react, to be honest. Given that, I had assumed all was well... I thought there wasn't anything to worry about. How the Helen of Troy could this have gone up to this, and under my nose and outside my own radar? How was I to know that Seiya had been suffering far worse than this?
And on the other hand, the only time he ever noted about it, was in a letter he'd written a few months back.
Ten minutes to 9 P.M., and Sprocket and I are en route to CVS and still talking about the situation concerning Seiya. And it was then that I realised that, if this was how it was going to be, then... well, I wasn't gonna bother calling. Not if he sent that e-mail telling me that, he's moved on. That, he cannot be friends with me anymore. And if this was how it was going to go down, then that was to be something I would have to accept and live with. And I did, with the last thing he would receive from me--which I will make an extended version of at the end of this Chapter.
But yes, needless to say... it's a damn shame, that a friendship of some two or three years, would have to end like this. However, that is fine. Because if that's how it has to be then, so be it.
In other news, and speaking of Sprocket, I guess we can almost say that it's pretty official--boyfriend and girlfriend. Or as BF+GF as it's gonna get. It's somewhat complicated, but so far things are going spiffy. I like it. Which leads me to after I sent the final text to Seiya. We went to CVS and returned, got some laundry done, and went to sleep for the eventide. He dropped me off at work, before crashing at my place for a couple of hours. Now I recalled him having to be at class at 9 A.M.--so while he had mayhem at college to deal with, I had chaos at work to put up with. In fact, today I hadn't said a damn thing about the sitch between Seiya and I, so I must have done damn well somewhat. But work was chaotic and I even had to cry during my break. [I didn't even finish my breakfast, and forgot about the chocolate cookies I'd bought--that's how F'd up today was and how hectic I was when all was said and done.]
I come home irritated and ready to cry again--when I saw what looked to be a letter on my bed. At first, I was a bit perplexed. But then when I read it, I couldn't stop smiling... I haven't stopped smiling. In fact, Sprocket's letter is beside me now even as I type this!! Yes, this has made my day.
I will be seeing him again this weekend, and the whole of next week for that matter. Yep, y'all guessed it--I will finally be on vacation for next week. I'm very excited for this--spending a week with Sprocket. Who knows what-all sort of mayhem will ensue? It'll only prove to be rather interesting. Hopefully I'll update as the week goes along.
For now however, and in closing... I must finish with a proper send-off. A damn shame that it has to come down to this...
Seiya,
I am shocked, and apalled, that you have sent me such an e-mail as you sent yesterday. So, I suppose, it is only fitting that I reply in something that is more than two sentences long. Because, to be honest, the last thing I need is an e-mail from you to dampen my mood while my new guy's visiting me. The last thing I needed was to have to be the last to know.
But this time, it seemed, you didn't give a damn if I was the last to know now. You didn't care anymore, because you moved on. But I was the last to know, and too late to even understand it. I guess, then, that I was blind and stupid to realise that, you never did get over me. Or maybe I thought, all would be well while we were still friends. We would always be friends, wouldn't we?
And yet, once again, I was wrong. I was always wrong, wasn't I?
I cannot go back to the way things used to be, the way you wanted things to be. My heart has found a new joy, one much closer to me. It cannot risk itself in the repeat of what would only become pain and, in the end, hurting. It couldn't take another stupid argument over who had a worse attitude problem. It couldn't take another having to sit around and just do nothing... feeling like a complete waste of time when all was said and done... a complete waste of emotions. Yes, I was hurting that much. And since you decided to tell me now, at the last minute, of your wanting to cut ties with me, I'd decided to wait 'til now to really spill out my guts. So there, now you know.
And yet, it's too late to fix anything.
So then, go on with your life. I have begun to do so myself--erasing memories of you from my phone. The picture and the texts. The blogposts and the stories remain, because they are a part of my past--but you will have no part of my future. Yet will I continue to pray for you... but rest assured--you will never hear from me ever again.
Because of your e-mail, I decided to not call you, nor will I call you ever again, because I deleted your number. Only fitting, so that I never find the nerve to ever want to speak to you. That said,
May your father continue to smile upon you from Heaven. May your mother stay strong. May you continue to be strong. May God hold you in His hands. And may life treat you better than you expected.
Good-bye and good luck. I wish you well.
~ me
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