Damn... it's been a month since I last had a venting moment. Since... since life gave me a chance to actually breathe, let alone get enough for me to stand up on my own again. Still, much has happened, and I believe it's proper that I get some sort of update in.
Ready? All right. Here we go.
First and foremost, as of some two weeks from yesterday... well, I turned a year older. Tonight I am 26 years, two weeks, and one day old. Or rather, young. And it is now mid-October... and cold as hell. Seriously. I'm trying to enjoy the fresh air outside, but it's not easy to without a couple of layers and a blanket. For all I care, we might as well start singing "Jingle Bells!!" [The scariest of it is, it's not even Halloween, and the Walgreens next to my job is already starting to PUT UP THE CHRISTMAS STUFF!?
...uhm, yeah. I think I'd might as well find my Menorah now. When's Hanukkah this year anyway?? And where's my calendar for that matter...]
Second, yes, I am also still kind of single. Yes. Key words: "kind of." It's a bit of a long story but, I'm kind of seeing someone. I don't want to mention names because, God forbid, if Siren reads this [and I'm sure he will, sad to admit] he's probably gonna say something, or start some sort of B.S. which, to be honest, is the last thing I need. And especially after all the crap he's pulled this year so far. Yes, I have not forgotten. And I know there is more to add to what-all he's pulled on me so far but, I refuse to speak about it, and only because it would probably upset me all over again, so I am trying to block it out. But anyway, back to the topic on hand--as for the person I'm kind of seeing, yes, I like him. And the only person, in the end, that I'm making this such a big deal to, is myself. I mean, I have forgotten more or less what it's like to actually hug and kiss someone, dang bloody nabbit!
Now I'm sure that there's bound to be more than one jealous person within the Underground reading this [believe me, there's always one in the crowd at least], and I'm sure someone's gonna be upset about it. But, there is one thing I should let y'all understand. Read this loud and clear--I am not going to let some jealous people break my little dose of happiness. At the same time, however, I will be rather headstrong about it, because I have had my share of the jealous guys who think they're all that-much-better and a bag of potato chips. However, arrogance = absolute turn-OFF. It's bad enough I deal with arrogant people who think they run my Drive-Thru day in and day out. I don't need to deal with arrogant people saying that they're better than the person I'm seeing--that, alone, will result in an immediate "F@#k off" from me. Fair warning. I don't like arrogant people--and those of you within the Underground that know me well enough, know well where I stand with arrogance. I won't deal with it. I *will* dismiss it very quickly. Unless you're among the VERY FEW in the world that can pull it off and get away with it--and trust me there's a few... but, why would I want to stray so off-topic?
So, yeah, I'm sort of seeing someone. I like him. A lot. And I am happy. And if you don't like it, tough. I don't care. I'm happy. I'd rather be happy than be miserable. And the one I'm seeing, he makes me happy.
There. I've said it.
Meanwhile, we've been rockin' the suburbs at work. We even have a new record to break as of last month--138 cars, 12-1 P.M., about a week after my last update. And, another record set, this time my own, by myself, for Breakfast Rush: 115 Cars, taking the order and paying them out. And to think that I'd been trying to beat 111 for at least a year now! Well, I pulled it off, and upped the bar. I want to beat it, but... not now, not right away. And I think it's because, it's still trying to sink in. I think it was last week or the week before... I don't remember... but I did it. It was definitely earlier this month, and after my Birthday. This, I'm certain of. I just wish I had the car count for that morning... dang nabbit.
And in other news, I am trying to make time for friends. More time for friends. And more time for him whose name shall remain silent--trust me, he knows who he is. Especially with the reasons why I won't say any names. I do know, however, that at some point I should find a codename for here. Because, of course, for the most part that's how it usually is within the Underground--codenames, and plenty of! But, for the moment, no names need be said. He knows who he is, and that is plenty enough. Anyways... yeah. I'm just trying to make time now. Time that for the longest time was lost to a relationship that was broken between silence and distance. Time that for a while was lost to a war against an ex who to this day still deservs no respect. Time that, for so long, was lost to life and all its problems, issues, heartaches, battles, headaches, and tears. I'm trying to make time...
it's so damn difficult to make time.
But, I want to make time. There are friends I haven't seen in a while, and there are those I want to see more often. There is so much I want to do, but unfortunately time and circumstance puts me at a disadvantage. Still, I will not falter, nor will I let it hurt me. I just have to make time, and I will.
Tonight, as I sit here, typing, updating on the twists and turns of my life... there is so much in my train of thought. I'm already thinking of another playlist. And I'm still putting my Halloween costume together. There is someone that I'm thinking of, that I'm missing right now. And there is a crazy long day I have to face tomorrow, with a Crew Meeting just before Kids Night tomorrow. There is so much to think about. However, I will not let these things overwhelm me. I am much stronger than I realise... sometimes my own inner strength almost scares me, I'll admit. But, it's surprising, really.
And so, in light of where I stand, and in light of my headstrong opinions on things, this is my song of the night [and where I got the title of tonight's entry from]:
"Stand or Fall"|The Fixx [Song of the Night]
With that all said, I think I am going to rest up for the eventide. Long day to face tomorrow--not like I'm not ready to face it. But, there has been a lot on my mind, probably a bit more than what-all I've mentioned here tonight. However, these are the main whims of the heart and mind tonight, and probably best that I just keep things to how I've got them here. In the end, my heart is my own--and whoever and whatever dwells within it, is for me to decide.
Standing for myself, and what my heart believes in
[which, mind you, is quite a whole lot!]...
~ me
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