So it seems that, I... I hurt. This week, with the exception of Wednesday, had been a helluva rough one. One that, really, I swear I could almost scream if I wanted to. If I had my way, the earth--or at least my apartment building anyway--would've been shaken by just one scream born of frustration and hurt and tears. There is so much to take on, between having to deal with delayed Crew Trainer meetings [we haven't had an actual meeting since MID-SEPTEMBER!], and always forgetting to restock the Advil for these headaches/knee aches/back aches/whatever-else-aches, and beginning to fully assemble my costume for next Saturday [which, by the way, I still have no plans], and dealing with Drive-Thru and life and Typist's Block and... and...
I haven't had a good cry. I'm so damn overwhelmed. I want to cry but I can't--the tears won't let me. So I've had to keep suppressing them... I hate doing that. I can't keep it all in me, because I'm scared that sooner or later, my inner hurt will get the better of me and, I... I'll end up snapping. God forbid that it be at anyone I hold dear to me, be it friend, family, or even Yuuki. My problem is, I hold it all in for so long, that one day it just... it just explodes. Someone gets hurt. I don't want that to happen--I want to just cry, let it out. Get it out of the way. Let it go and go on with my life. And yet... right now... I can't.
In due time, I suppose, the tears will fall. Until then, I must hope, and stay strong somehow. But, I have to let it out too--I can't let it kill me inside.
Also, I still have no plans for Halloween. Still. I was thinking of another horror-movie night at Yuuki's but, not sure if he or our friend Latin-O are up for it. Latin-O has just finished putting together a crucial part of his costume too. So, I don't know. The last thing I'd really want to end up doing is sit in front of the laptop in chat with nothing better to do, on Halloween. And I'm not up for helping at Trunk-or-Treat at church this year either. So... yeah... this Halloween might actually suck, the way things are looking right now.
*sigh* I am always hoping things will get better. So why do I always feel like I'm in the wrong on this?
Feeling so alone
[as opposed to last weekend]...
~ me
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