Today, for the first time in ages, I saw my ex Siren. And I totally overcame him like one would not believe.
Yes, he came over to the apartment this afternoon so we could finally get some proper closure to this whole mess that started a year ago, when we got together this time last year. Much of the hour was spent in silence, before we talked about our situation over this on our own ends. After that I was kind of gracious enough to forgive him [memo to all--it's the Christian thing to do!], to which conversation took a slightly lighter term, including the debate of the term that was "normal." Everything was fine until the next thing I knew he was trying to tickle me to make me laugh and distract me. To which I reminded myself mentally of the Tarot card that was Temperance--or, Fortitude. Or Strength. So far so good, until one thing led to another, and the next thing I knew I had continued to succeed in the battle against Siren by blocking his advances by using my arms as a barrier. I think I did win this battle and, perhaps, the war altogether when he got pissed off to the point where he simply just got up and left. No "I'll see you later" or anything.
The whole point of the barrier, was the reminder to him [and I think it sunk in real good] that, I was as good as truly no longer his, that he couldn't have his way with me anymore and assume he'd get away with it. That this was truly over, and that he had to face the consequences and repurcussions of breaking my heart. Inasmuch as he admitted the fact that he missed me, it doesn't constitute as grounds whatsoever for me to be seen as his own little amusement.
You know, I had hoped that it wouldn't have to come to that, but it seems that I was wrong. And Siren's the only ex I've ever had with such a problem addressed to me as such. I think it's finally time this war was as good as over... inasmuch as I'm sorry that the conversation ended with another person I pissed off this month [long story, don't ask!], I don't regret standing up for myself in such a manner. In fact, I'm glad I toughened up the way I did. And you know, maybe I am better off this way.
I don't think he ever realised just how much he really did hurt me until I did what I did.
In the end, I know, it's going to hurt losing a friend like this, but if he can't understand the way things are and have to be, then I don't know what else to say other than,
Don't let my apartment door hit your ass on the way out.
On a lighter note, Tuesday night at work was our first Kids Night, with me and Sissy-Two's daughter Courtney on face-painting duty. Best three hours EVER! Which also means that now my Tuesday nights are full also because in the morning I'll be working 5-11 A.M., and I'll be back 5-8 P.M. for Kids Night. Joel brought his three daughters, Melissa and her sister Rosa brought their kids, we all got our faces painted. It was an absolute blast--Roboter, when you get down here, you WILL get your face painted by Yours Truly!
Thursday nights I'm also booked from 7-8 P.M. because of the Daughters of the King meetings--yes, I was once training to be a part of the D.O.K. some three years back [I think I blogged about it a bit on MySpace but I don't remember], then fell away when work scheduling became hectic. But at the beginning of Lent this year [late February] I vowed to myself I would get back into the D.O.K., and the girls were more than happy to have me back in the sisterhood.
This past Thursday I had devotionals for the D.O.K. meeting for the week and, as this month was the 5 year anniversary of my first, last and only suicide attempt, I shared with them my story, albeit in the third person so as to remain anonymous until it was time to reveal the scar on my left arm from some 10 years back and tell the girls who that young girl was. The fellow sisters were amazed and happy that I survived and am still here. One sister, JoAnn, compared my arm to the numbers of the WWII prisoners' arms--a strong testimony to the world of survival. So, inasmuch as I am not entirely proud of the pain I suffered, I'm proud that I could finally bring closure to the pain of a time of five years. I felt a lot better too after telling them about it--I was very happy, and fighting tears too!
So, Tuesdays through Thursdays my nights are full. Oh, and Sunday nights too, because of dinner with the parents.
Meanwhile it's Stetson Homecoming this weekend, and the block party is tonight. Welcome back to StarKnight Lieutenant Pouncer who'll be in town for the weekend to celebrate Homecoming!
And, because I know I owe some tuneage, The VERY LATE Thursday Tradition Spotlight on Toad the Wet Sprocket:
Random - Top 20:
1] "Come Back Down"
2] "Whatever I Fear"
3] "Crazy Life"
4] "Chile"
5] "I Will Not Take These Things For Granted"
6] "All I Want"
7] "P.S."
8] "Good Intentions"
9] "Fall Down"
10] "I Think About"
11] "Corporal Brown"
12] "Windmills"
13] "Come Down"
14] "Walk On The Ocean"
15] "Are We Afraid"
16] "One Wind Blows"
17] "Something's Always Wrong"
18] "Dam Would Break"
19] "Amnesia"
20] "Way Away"
Honorable Mention] "Eyes Open Wide" [from the best-of P.S. - A Toad Retrospective]
By the way, Morrissey'd been sick the better part of this past month, so the concert at the Hard Rock Live--as well as a good slew of others--got cancelled. No chance of rescheduling, but here's hoping he recovers well from whatever he caught!
And on that note, until the next round...
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