For the first time in a very, very long time, I confess: my heart is confused.
No, I'm serious. I... I don't know what the f@#k to do.
You have no idea what the Helen of Troy I mean, do you? Well, sha'up and let me talk.
See, right now, I have absolutely no clue on how Yuuki is, granted the situation at present. I haven't really spoken with him since Thursday, and at the moment I'm afraid the situation isn't looking very good at all. For all I know, he's probably just too busy to even have time to want to see me... yes, I know, it's harsh. And perhaps it's cruel of me to think that way but, when I face the reality that... that I'm not going to see him again, no matter how much I want to, or how hard I try to make an effort... it makes that much of a difference. This is how I'm trying to handle the heartache. This is how I have to handle the heartache. I... I have to face the fact that it's already time to let him go.
On the other hand... the friend of mine who introduced me to him in the first place... Latin-O... well... he... he kissed me goodnight on All Saints morning. Yes, at around 4 or 5 A.M. Sunday morning. After we finally got back into town from our insane Halloween adventure, complete with dancing, Pac-Man and a near-fight at an iHop. Now mind, this had been the best Halloween I'd gone throgh in quite a few years, and I can't quite remember the last time I had an outrageous 26-27 hours awake straight through. But this... well, this had quite an interesting twist when he kissed me goodnight. And, well, while he's been a friend of mine for some 3 or 4 years, and while I've kinda-sorta liked him all the while, I hadn't really found myself looking at him a bit differently until this past weekend. Sooo... yeah...
Hence, my heart is confused. I mean, it's... yeah... very confused... I mean, how the hell do I seem to find myself thinking of someone else differently, as I'm slowly letting go of another person because real life is so damn cold to us? It's a rather startling--and frightening--epiphany. So, for the moment, I'm just going to keep proper silence and let it all sink in, try to make some sense of it all. Or at least try to make time to make sense of it. Time right now is very, very scarce this week.
This is what my work schedule looks like:
Today: Worked 5 A.M.-1 P.M. and ran some errands.
Tuesday 3 November [tomorrow]: Work [12-8 P.M.] + Kids Night [5-8 P.M.]
Wednesday 4 November: Work [5 A.M.-2 P.M.] + INSPECTION!
Thursday 5 November through Saturday 7 November: Work [5 A.M.-1 P.M.]
Sooo... uhm... yeah... tonight seems to be my only free night. Damn. *sigh* It's my only night to get anything done, basically. Between thoughts and work and my busy life... I fear I might not have much time for much else. Probably sleep, IM and eating. And a phone conversation or two, but that's besides the point.
In light of the confusion of the heart... I present the song of the following...
Song of the Week--> "The Boss" - Diana Ross
[This is the Boss D. Morales Remix, by the way.]
Enjoy the tune'age, folks. I have a long week to brace myself for, an Inspection to rock, and a helluva lot to think about.
Confused in the heart
[and that's saying much]...
~ me
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