Life, Liberty, and the Thursday Tradition!

Welcome to the post-Election-Day version of the Thursday Tradition! For one, let me just say, quaintly, that Tuesday was nothing short of fantastic! I voted after work and then, after stopping by the Obama HQ in town, accompanied Kit to the polls. But not before having a pic with an Obama look-alike!

The collage of Election Day [also known as my Facebook pic. lol!]
*clicky thumbnail!!*


And on that note, yes, I do believe that it's right about time for our regularly-scheduled whim of the week...

The Starian Union Radio Random 20 for today, Thursday 6 November 2008
1] "Finish Line" - Michael
2] "Thunderstruck" - AC/DC
3] "You Don't Know Me" - Ben Folds featuring Regina Spektor
4] "White Riot" - The Clash
5] "Sub-Culture" - New Order
6] "Little Thoughts" - Bloc Party
7] "Always On The Run" - Lenny Kravitz
8] "She's Lost Control" - Joy Division
9] "Another Morning Stoner" - Trail of Dead
10] "Lost In The Supermarket" - The Clash
11] "$20" - M.I.A.
12] "Setting Sun" - The Chemical Brothers
13] "Who's Your Daddy?" - Benny Benassi
14] "Halo" - Depeche Mode
15] "Every Day Is Halloween" - Ministry
16] "Streets of Philadelphia" - Bruce Springsteen
17] "The Back of Love" - Echo and the Bunnymen
18] "I Want You" - Marvin Gaye
19] "Hip Hop Be Bop" [12" version] - Man Parrish
20] "The Damned Don't Cry" - Visage

*Song of the Week* ~ When I heard this tune earlier this morning I went, OH HELL YEAH!! This is my all-time favorite song by him and, while I'm not quite the biggest fan of his he does have some very good stuff. And this is one of 'em. And it's also a Song of the Week, from the Indie Intelligence files.
"Always On The Run" - Lenny Kravitz


From the Old-School Alternation for the Song of the Week, I heard this tune at work today and sang along to it. It felt very good to hear a song like this at work. Because believe me, that does NOT happen very often, or even at all. Almost as rare as hearing the full 10-minute "Disco Inferno" or [even more rare] "Do You Wanna Dance?" by the Ramones...

I think you get the idea...
"[Don't You] Forget About Me" - Simple Minds


And speaking of... hee hee...
"Disco Inferno" [the full 10-minute version!] - The Trammps


Don't worry--next week it'll get even more random, just y'all watch!!

Until the next round...

OMFG. I'm actually on time!

Happy Thursday, Underground Citizens. Time for the traditional Musicholics Anonymous get-together. First things first:

The Starian Union Radio Random 20 for Thursday 23 October 2008
1] "Sub-Culture" - New Order
2] "Every Day Is Halloween" - Ministry
3] "Hip Hop Bee Bop [Don't Stop]" - Man Parrish
4] "Cuts You Up" - Peter Murphy
5] "Colony" [Peel Session] - Joy Division
6] "Harley David [Son of a B!tch]" - Bollock Brothers
7] "Cities In Dust" - Siouxsie and the Banshees
8] "New York" - Micro Chip League
9] "A.K.A. I-D-I-O-T" - The Hives
10] "Morning Bell" - Radiohead
11] "The Perfect Drug" - Nine Inch Nails
12] "It's A Sin" - Pet Shop Boys
13] "A Message To You Rudy" - The Specials
14] "Young Folks" - Peter Bjorn and John
15] "Mesh" - New Order
16] "Open In Silence" - Mira
17] "Nummern/Computerwelt 2" - Kraftwerk
18] "Procession" - New Order
19] "Mayor Of Simpleton" - XTC
20] "Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-A-Lot

The Song of the Week is a proper classic from at least 25 years ago. And it's one of Roboter's favorite songs even as he's heard the song God knows HOW MANY TIMES playing GTA:VC [grand theft auto - vice city]. In any case, this is for him...
"Hip Hop Be Bop" [12" version] - Man Parrish


...and for myself, I chose this. After all, this is going out to the id10t's that think I'm weaker than I look. To them, two words: FCUK OFF. Everyone else, feel free to join me in cranking this up a good few notches. Yes, a first here in the Underground: TWO Songs of the Week for this week! [And yes, I absolutely love this song. Seriously.]
"A.K.A. I-D-I-O-T" - The Hives


And, as next week is Halloweek, here's a preview for next week's Random 20, which will be the 80's version of the Indie StarMix I made earlier this week. Except, in the usual tradition of the indie/alternative/gothic self that I am, you can expect Siouxsie, the Order, the Division, the Boys, Mr. Ant, and these two bands among the unique for the grand Halloween tradition:
"Jumping Someone Else's Train" - The Cure


"Bela Lugosi's Dead" - Bauhaus


And adding another proper classic from the Old-School Indie Intelligence files, this might also make the roster for Halloween this year. Sunday afternoon Erik had the Afternoon Version of my favorite radio program, Sunday Night Vinyl, and his track list for Sunday... well, let's just say it was the best SNV in practically ages. Not that every SNV was the awesomeness, but this past Sunday was truly THE Awesomeness!! He played this particular classic [as well as The Cure's "Jumping Someone Else's Train" which I just posted a moment ago], and I was pleasantly thrilled. So I think I could add this to the Halloween roster this year, no?
"Headhunter" - Front 242


The same with this track, one of the great goth classics too. I'm actually considering this as well for the Halloween mix. Because HEY! you can't have Halloween without the proper touch of goth. And out of all the songs this band's done, this is my favorite. God I love this song.
"More" - The Sisters of Mercy


And I think that will do it for this week! I had Carillon practice yesterday and, after a rather successful go at it Sunday, I'm almost ready for this Sunday upcoming. My main concern however is the whimsical concept of something properly termed Operation Doctor Scarf!!

Otherwise, enjoy the tunage, and keep out of trouble until the next round...

~ me

Chapter 49: Somehow, I just have this strange hope. [Yes, I am recovering well...]

[For the latest musical noise that I'm listening to, check out the 'What I've been listening to lately...' section of the blog, just added today.]

You know, my coworker Lana has a point about something.

Perhaps, the boyfriend just assumes that I already know, and thus he need not tell me that 5-letter word as often as we used to say. Among other odd theories she has, I guess that she's been the only person I can actually, humbly talk to, and she'll try to cheer me up with some sweet, hopeful answer. I mean, if it wasn't for Lana [who's also in Junior Management training, as well as planning to dye her hair purple!!] I would've probably sunk deeper into the abyss of my emotional 'solar eclipse' from God-knows-where.

The summer cold is 98% gone [thank. God. for. that.], but I'm still taking the meds for good measure. Because, yes, I'm strange like that. What else is new?

I don't know... I guess the only main worry is to brace myself for the weeks ahead. Confused? Here's the timeline of upcoming events--

Monday 27 August - Work, most likely.
Friday 31 August - Last day of August, which means it's EoM [End of the Month] time. Joel'll be in the system for most of the day. And since it's a Friday, chaos is bound to happen.
Saturday 1 September - The first day of September.
Monday 3 September - Labor Day. Ironically, I'll be at work that day.
Wednesday 5 September - Saint B's Choir returns! First rehearsal!
Friday 7 September - While it's a joyful day [boyfriend's birthday!], it'll actually be a depressing day because, that's when he leaves for Scotland. Expect me wearing black that day, Excelsians.
Saturday 8 September - Biggest Inspection of the year at my job. Yep, it's F.O.R./S.O.R. [Field/Station (or Store?) Operations Review] time, so for the next two weeks it's cleanaholics-R-us in North DeLand.

I'm going to be honest with you--I am not looking forward to these next two weeks. Sure I'll be in the company of some of the best friends I've come to know. And I'm sure we'll do alright during our Inspection. But...

I guess... I guess I just hurt inside. I'm not as headstrong about this as I used to be. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. In fact, I'm probably so much weaker than I could've been.

At the same time, I'm keeping this flame [which somehow died a little] in my heart alive. Not even all the tears I could cry, could quench this small, weary flame.

This isn't over. I've hung on this far, I've stayed far more loyal than a good majority of my coworkers [particularly those who recall me being the resident flirt!!] actually expected [they thought I was gonna flirt with every guy in town this summer--and boy were they sooo wrong!!]. I'm not backing down. I have to keep holding on to... well, whatever there is left to hang on to. As I once said, it isn't much, but damnit, when... when you love someone so much, even though the love from the other person seems to die and you don't really know why, but you keep on loving the person anyway... you know damn well in your heart there's still something, somehow, somewhere.

In my case, even though we don't talk very often anymore, mostly because of our lives possibly threatening to tear us apart, somehow, there has to be a light of hope in our hearts still for each other. There just has to be. God only knows how many tears I've shed, just because my heart hurts--JUST BECAUSE OF ALL THIS GOING ON!! I shouldn't have to aggrevate myself so much and yet... why?

I guess it's because I've forgotten that we both have lives. But that doesn't mean that we have to forget each other because of this... right?

*sigh* Meh, I guess all I can do is brace myself for the worst, while praying feverishly for the best. There's not much left I can do at this point, because he's two hours away, I've got no way of getting to him so I can see him, and he's getting ready to leave anyway. But I've got this, and I've got e-mail, so we will keep on keeping in touch. Just that, with everything that's been going on, and all that will be going on soon... you know... it is no wonder we don't talk much anymore. Because we're so busy with our lives, and so tired at the end of the day, that we probably don't even think to send a note or call the one we love and just talk with the person... to just tell that person 'I love you'...

to let the person know you still care, no matter the distance, no matter what happens.

Dear God, what I would give just to hear those words again, even if it was only once, but just to hear even that mere 5-lettered word that once upon a time was only a word that was used to tease the hell out of me!!

Just to hear words of love for even one moment more, even if it's across the wire.

Am I the only person here who feels this way? Am I really this hopeless?

Incubus - "I Miss You" (acoustic version)

[from the upcoming 'My Own Autumn 2007 - Brokenhearted' StarMix]

To see you when I wake up is a gift
I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you
I see your picture, I smell your skin on
the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days,
but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you

If I really am this hopelessly in love with him, if the love I've given really did flight on in vain, if all the hope I've had for whatever's left of what we have has truly turned me into a complete and unfortunate fool, if love really is a lie...



then I hope to God I'm not the last to know.



~ 'Sunshine' [until the next round...]

Chapter 46: Germany has better noise than their soccer hooligans! [The noise: Kraftwerk.]

[Currently playing: 'Trans-Europe Express' and 'Metal on Metal' by Kraftwerk.]



[the men of kraftwerk, 1977.]

[This is a repost/reworking from the original blogpost on my NOOL blog. This is something a bit more lighthearted than the last Chapter, and if you haven't read that yet then check that before this!! Thanks!!]

Alright, I have a new secret addiction that's not-so-secret, and possibly a bit more fun and slightly more common, really. It's called Kraftwerk, and they've been making some seriously good electro music since the 70's. Quite possibly the best thing from Germany, really. [Okay, second in line is the current bishop of Rome, Pope Benedict XVI. But still!]

Just finished putting together my very first official Kraftwerk StarMix, so I'm giving a bit of the opinions on the track [as there's a good handful of them I've never heard for the first time!], and sharing the noise.



[the cover to the epic masterpiece 'trans-europe express' album.]

Y'all ready? All right then, here goes...

The Model (German version) ~ This is a neat track, though I've already heard the English version of 'The Model', which actually appears later on in this mix.

Aerodynamik (Remix) ~ I love this track. It's easily addictive and could possibly fill a dance floor real quick. Once played this, and everyone was like, 'WTF was that, Jenn!? That was awesome!!' :laugh: This is from my first Kraftwerk StarMix last summer, which had only 6 songs on it at the time.

Trans-Europe Express ~ One of Kraftwerk's great classics, just something about all those synths coming together the way they did. And to think this came out in 1977--they knew damn well what they were doing putting this track together!! And wait a minute, didn't a bit of the song get sampled on 'Planet Rock' by Afrikaa Bambaataa and the Soul Sonic Force!? That sounded uber-familiar...

Metal on Metal ~ Whoa... the beat has my attention now, folks! Instantly addicted to this. Kind of sounds like metal being clankered around at first, in a sense. If you have no idea what I just meant, you need to listen to this track. It also has that little familiar melody from 'Trans-Europe Express' that was, I'm guessing, sampled on 'Planet Rock'. *Just noted: This song actually goes together with said 'Express'; song between them is 'Azbug', which I don't have, unfortunately.*

The Telephone Call ~ I fell in love with this song before the first minute was over. This is a classic Kraftwerk masterpiece yet a unacknowledged 80's treat. Wonderful stuff from the German quartet. :thumb:

Radioactivity ~ This was my first Kraftwerk song. Very interesting tidbits about the song if you get a listen to the lyrics. [For the lyrics, this would be the proper place, complete with German lyrics and even Morse!!] I loved it. It's still a great bilingual song too.

The Model (English version) ~ This is the English version of 'The Model', which ended up on my first Kraftwerk mix last summer. I didn't notice until last night that there was an English version and a German version. The song's the same. The difference is the language.

Tanzmusik ~ Whoa... where did THIS chipper piece of German noise come from?? Cheeky piano, then the beats, then it all comes together and what do you get? Quite possibly one of the happiest things to come out of these guys.

Pocket Calculator ~ A nice treat from the first Kraftwerk mix. Classic Kraftwerk at its cute/quirkiest.

Computer Love ~ Alright, alright, stop shooting Coldplay for playing off this song already!! And anyway, the original is always better than the copy-off. Most of the time. This is another favorite Kraftwerk tune of mine.

Tour de France ~ I never really gave much care to the original great bike race but, I do like this tune right here from the guys. You could probably watch the race to this music. Just a thought.

Popcorn ~ Whoooooaaaa, hellooooo technopop!! This could be the more upbeat cheekier pop version to 'Telephone'. Hell, I'm even tempted [and it usually doesn't do much to tempt me!] to dance like a complete fool to this! This is my second-favorite Kraftwerk song ever, which only leaves my all-time fave Kraftwerk song right below it...

Metropolis ~ This was and is my all-time favorite Kraftwerk song. Good start-off, bring on the beats and it's on. Pure addictive stuff. And a great way to cap off my official Kraftwerk mix!!

And now, the question I pose to the readers--what Kraftwerk songs do you think should go on the second list [should I plan one, and maybe I should, with fan faves instead of my own?], songs that didn't make the first full official cut here? Leave a comment or e-mail me or something.



[my favorite pic of the group, robot-esque or otherwise!]

Enjoy the noise. Until the next round, Cheers!!

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 45: Cupid, life, and the world... against me!? [As Morrissey put it once, it's war!!]

[Currently listening to XFM Manchester online. Good stuff.]

Alright, Excelsians. It seems that Cupid, life, and the world have declared war on me and my little fragile heart. So it wants a war? Fine, but they aren't gonna like me for it! Quite possibly, I could be their worst nightmare. Or not.

Meanwhile, a stupid yet sort-of sensible idea plinkered on my mind as I was heading to the Daigaku [University] library--I could make myself an absurd version of a promise ring. Goes as such--it'll serve as a reminder to be loyal to the boyfriend. Of course, if he calls it off [which I pray to God that does NOT happen, given the current circumstances], it'll also serve as a reminder that, once I put that shattered heart back up on the shelf, it's NOT leaving the shelf again. I'm just...

I'm just tired.

Cupid's treated me as a joke, life's been unfair and harsh, and the world might be succeeding in convincing one of us that this isn't going to work. So what better thing to do than to glare at said enemies, flip them the bird and say 'HEY! WOULD Y'ALL LIKE LEMON OR LIME WITH THAT PIECE OF ADVICE, BASTARDS!?' Of course, me being the so-called streetwise common sense, meh. Might as well take them on in full force. I'm ready.

It's just that, even a heart that glows with a warm light is extremely fragile--it's just a heart of glass that reflects the sun's bright rays. And that's probably the only proper way to describe a heart that loves with all it has--my heart that loves with all I have--a heart of pure, fragile glass.

I don't know. I guess I'm just bracing myself for the worst. Praying that I won't be overcome by the chaos that Cupid, life and the world throw at me at an unmerciful speed!

Somehow, I don't know where I really stand anymore in the heart of the boyfriend, really. Hell, that should be the last thing I ever should worry about but, as I am currently under the weather, and this week's been madcap with Store Manager Joel at the helm of North DeLand [my work], and as I'm about to rework my blue hair a bit later on, how on earth did this become my main concern again?

For the record, and for the heck and fun of it, the song of the day, as well as my battle cry:

Blur - "Song 2" ~ Come on, how could anyone not want to take on their worst enemy with a background track like "Song 2"!? In the words of My Chemical Romance, 'Hallelujah--LOCK AND LOAD!!'

And, for the boyfriend, in case this relationship somehow has drowned in the lost chaos of it all...

Tomihira - "Mr. Disco" ~ Yes, a cover of New Order's "Mr. Disco" except, this is one hell of an awesome cover. Just... pretty...



I'm just going to close with a reworked line from "Rubber Ring" by the Smiths--

Do you [still] love me like you used to?



Until the next round...

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 44: Alright, this goes out to everyone in love tonight... [New StarMix, gang.]

[Currently playing: 'I Love You' by Sarah McLachlan.]

Alright Excelsians, I may be sick but damn it to hell! I'm in love, hurts like hell, but I've got a post to type up--a proper post even!! Oi!!

This blogpost is for those of us who are in love, but suffer for its sake. For those who are separated from loved ones because of circumstances beyond their control. For those who are with the ones they love because they want to, no matter what happens. For those who will risk their whole heart even if it hurts them in the end.

Above all, this is for the hopeless romantic, the helplessly beloved in all of us.

Sixpence None the Richer - "Don't Dream It's Over" ~ I never really got into the Crowded House original, but this cover spoke wonders for me. Sweet stuff.

Al Green - "I'm Still in Love With You" ~ In light of the recent ill-mood swings from the current illness, this one's for the boyfriend.

Lisa Loeb - "Truthfully" ~ For those who somehow fell in love unexpectedly, accidentally even, this is your waltz. Hands down one of my all-time favorite songs too.

Train - "Get Away" ~ News Flash: I don't mind some Train every now and then. But out of all of them, this is my favorite song from them, with "Meet Virginia" [their debut single] in a strong close second.

The Sundays - "Wild Horses" ~ Harriet Wheeler took this Rolling Stones classic to a whole new level with this cover. And this doubles as a good prom last dance too, but don't tell the high school principals, alright?

Sarah McLachlan - "Angel" ~ For the record, this alternative-rock chick is a total sap. And you know I'm a total sap if I have a track by the very talented Miss McLachlan.

Pete Yorn - "Strange Condition" ~ Kinda reminds me of that one time I had to work a Sunday and I was an emotional wreck. Hey Mike, remember that one Sunday? This song was on. Come on, you know what Sunday it was!!

Aqualung - "Extra Ordinairy Thing" ~ Okay, I admit it: I'm in love with Aqualung's "Strange and Beautiful" album. This is one of its best gems in the crown.

The Postal Service - "Recycled Air" ~ This song will ALWAYS bring me back to the first time Mike stopped over at my apartment. We ended up talking until 3 the next morning, took an hour and 15 minute nap, and I had to get ready for work!! No joke!! Good times.

The Terrible Sea - "NWA" ~ First heard this song last summer, when I saw the Sea in concert that one time. This song got my attention; sadly they disbanded later on in the year, left two good songs behind. This, again, is for Mike.

The Durutti Column - "Sketch for Summer" ~ Honestly, whatever Vini Reilly was thinking when he made this song, he's a genius. One of the best instrumental tracks of all time.

Snow Patrol - "Chasing Cars" ~ Honestly, I love this song. This goes to Sora, because I promised him I'd find him this song. Hey Sora! found the song, now listen to it already, aiight!?

Blessid Union of Souls - "I Believe" ~ Posted this last night but it deserves another showing, because this song belongs in this StarMix. Just listen to the lyrics [or reread them from last night's post!].

Death Cab for Cutie - "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" ~ Another song for the boyfriend. Found this in particular for him. Lyrics pretty much say it all for us.

Jimmy Eat World - "Your House" ~ My favorite Jimmy Eat World song. I wasn't sure whether or not to put it in the StarMix but I added it after I saw I had some disc space in it!

Sarah McLachlan - "I Love You" ~ If you're in love, and you love someone dearly, but don't know how else to say it, here's the song.

Coldplay - "We Never Change" ~ Possibly one of the sweetest Coldplay songs, period. Just... waaaawwww....

The Cure - "Lovesong" ~ The classic gothique love song. And it's definitely going to the boyfriend. Robert Smith's words just say it all. Heck, it's just... sweet, y'know?

Lisa Loeb - "Stay (I Missed You)" ~ Fell in love with the song the first time I heard it. Lyrics just say it all. What better way to round out this StarMix than with this amazing tune?

To all the lovers in love out there in the world, until the next round, CHEERS!!





...and Mike, crush. :-) XOXOXO

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 42: This isn't over... right? [An interrogating of a (slowly) breaking heart.]

[Currently playing: 'Street Spirit [Fade Out]' by Radiohead.]

After spending most if not the entire afternoon rereading e-mails and thinking things through, after remembering words that have surrounded my now thorougly-distracted head, and after recollections of a life of mostly unrequited love...

is it proper to think that love has destroyed me again?

By damn, I should never think it but, considering how things have been since the week before he left... no, Sunshine, it can't be.

...right?

I guess that when you're in love you go through things. You change, you evolve. You grow. But sometimes, it can just turn around and slap you in the face. And when it does, it hurts. I would know--it happens to me almost all the time. It isn't fair. And it's been often said that all's fair in love and war but... if that means that all Cupid's gonna do is call a supposed truce and then give me hell... he's wrong...

This weekend's been a crazy one but, I guess that, when the laughter's gone, and your heart is finally numb... and reality sets in...

Clay Aiken had it right with his song 'Lover All Alone' [which he performed last night at the show]...

Maybe I've convinced myself
I've really been in love
And I've been wrong
All along

For all I know the feeling
And the picture
That I've tried so hard to find
Isn't mine

Could be it's all just a waiting game
I wanna share my everything

And on my own
It's hard to tell my heart it'll be all right
This love it holds will one day find a home
As hard as love can be
It's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone
Without love

Picking up the pieces
Makes me wonder if
I only build it all
To watch it fall

The faster it can go away
It means the less of me
Is going to stay
And I'm okay

But lonesome tomorrow comes anyway
I long for another day
Another day

And on my own
It's hard to tell my heart it'll be all right
That this love it holds will one day find a home
As hard as love can be
It's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone
Without love

And on my own
It's hard to tell my heart it'll be all right
That this love it holds will one day find a home
As hard as love can be
It's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone
Without love

A lover all alone
Without love

Maybe I've convinced myself
I've really been in love
But I've been wrong
All along

The only thing I can do now, I guess, is to just hold on to... whatever's left of what the boyfriend and I have. At this point, it isn't much but, if this relationship falls down then damn it to hell! I'll burn in its flames if I have to.

It's really hard to fight back tears when I hear this song but, I'm sure that, if he ever heard this, he'd understand [and yes, it IS a Clay Aiken song]...

I feel like I never measure up to who you see
Sometimes I think I can't give you all the love you need
You keep changing every day
Amazing me in every way

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world, but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world, but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I promise I will hold you through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with you
I know there's angels by your side

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world, but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world, but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything
I have

['Everything I Have' by Clay Aiken.]

Someday I'll get around to posting this song but, in the meantime, here's a small dose of a StarMix for the brokenhearted, a song for even one who's nearly given up on love at this point such as I...

Radiohead - 'Street Spirit [Fade Out]' ~ Tears plinkered down my cheeks the first time I heard this song, and that was at least 6 years ago!

Blessid Union of Souls - 'I Believe' ~ This song was one I was finding for a very long time now. Finally, I have probably the one song that sums up everything that love could scream out for me. Especially the chorus. And how the lead singer notes a relationship with someone pretty different from him...

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

Violence is spread worldwide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can't we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it okay

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

I've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she's never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy's gonna find out she's in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she's still here with me
'Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he'll understand
And he'll see me as a person not just a black man

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

I hope to God that this isn't over. It can't be. Even though we're different... miles apart...



So help me God, I just don't know anymore.

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 41: @_@!? [This entire freckin' weekend, and the week to come.]

[Currently playing - 'Pacific' by 808 State.]

If you've never been to DeLand for the annual Punx Picnic, go next year. You don't know what the hell you're missing...



[outside-stage insanity, punk style. sat 18 aug 2007.]

Saturday was the 2nd annual Punx Picnic at Caffe Da Vinci and, between 15 bands on two stages, it was a whole mess of fun.



[inside-stage insanity, i'm hiding behind the band a bit! sat 18 aug 2007.]

Most of the bands were pretty freckin' awesome. Great night all around, made some new punk friends. Highlight of the night however was a band named the Antics, a local band, who reunited just for THIS gig! Quite a thrill all around to watch this band, especially since one of my friends [actually, he's one of my regular drive-thru friends, heh] was the bass player in the band!!

Oh and, HE WORE HIS FOOKIN' RAMONES SHIRT TOO!! AWESOME!!



[go jason go!! w00t!! sat 18 aug 2007.]

I recovered a bit from last night, enough for me to get up and actually see just how beautiful yesterday actually was...



[en route to faith's house!! sun 19 aug 2007.]

So I hung out with my best friend Faith, and we both had the time of our lives when we went to see this person in concert last night at the Hard Rock in Orlando...



[if y'all guessed clay aiken, give y'self a gold star! sun 19 aug 2007.]

Made more new friends, and Faith and I had a ball!! For one I sang along to every song I know, except for 'Lover All Alone'. First time hearing that song--and I actually CRIED!! The lyrics were heartbreakingly beautiful, and I can actually relate to it. Emo point of the night there, folks.

But another thrill was when, during the intermission two Claymates gave me and Faith glowsticks for the final song, 'Because You Loved Me', and this became a beautiful sight to behold at said song:



['because you loved me.' sun 19 aug 2007.]

Another great highlight was when Faith and I got in the 'bus line' so that Clay could shake your hand [okay, more like a quick slap, as there were quite a good lot of us!!], and Clay got both my hands. Cue infectious giggle here.

So, today's my day off, and I'm recovering well, except I'm a bit sore, and my voice is shot. Thank God I don't have to deal with drive-thru today!! However, tomorrow to Saturday I'm a workhorse from hell, so prayers will be uber-apprecionated!

And, some surprising news that I didn't get to report about on Friday, due to time constraints--I was on a hectic schedule Friday...

Junior Manager Brianna's transfering to Brandywine. So too is Store Manager Barb. And Swing Manager Rebecca is moving to Texas.

As of today, we have a new store manager--Joel, who was store manager of Brandywine. Hopefully things will improve here at North DeLand, though I feel some of the effects of losing people that you've either just met [like Bri], or you've known for a long time and had a good strong bond with [like Barb], or you didn't get along with at first but now have a *somewhat* decent bond with [like Becca].

I will definitely miss these three.

In much more depressing news--today was the funeral for Tony Wilson. Hooky and Steve from the Order were there.

R.I.P. Tony.

Song of the day, because it's Monday: Queen and David Bowie - 'Under Pressure' --especially since that's what these next 5 days will be for me! Luckily, with Joel joining us, it shouldn't be too bad.

Quote of the day actually is from the boyfriend, in a response to my e-mail:

"I'm forever blowing bubbles... pretty bubbles in the air... they fly so high... almost reach the sky... then like my dreams they fade and die... fortune's always flighting... I've looked everywhere... I'm forever blowing bubbles... pretty bubbles in the air"

Come on you Irons!

Two things more--

Manchester City 1, Manchester United 0!!

Meanwhile, Mesh FC is in 8th place in the NOOL league for Fantasy Premier League. *cue in blank stare* Ah well.

One final note: Welcome back, returning Stetson students, and welcome aboard, incoming Stetson freshmen!!

...oh crap, today's also the first day of the Volusia County school year, is it? And it runs 'til JUNE this time around!?

For the record, this week just might be not so good...

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 40: 'Anything's Possible.' [Word on a Tony Wilson tribute gig!!]

[Currently playing: 'X-Posure with John Kennedy' on XFM Manchester online radio.]

A bit of the gang at NOOL are all over this already...

In The City: Let's Have a Party for Tony [Manchester Evening News]

In an interview with Dave Haslam on XFM Manchester, Stephen Morris of New Order was asked if it's possible that the Order could play a gig in tribute to Tony Wilson.

If there's one thing we can learn from Tony Wilson it's that anything's possible.

[Steve Morris, in response to Dave Haslam's question, a few hours ago.]

XFM Manchester website [you can listen live too]

Song of the day, in absofookin'lute cheer: New Order - 'Blue Monday' [Warren Lapham mix]

Until the next round, Cheers!! And Mike, keep on keeping on; crush!!

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 38: Odds, ends, and... a blackout!? [Must be a Wednesday...!]

[Currently playing: 'Fade to Grey' by Visage.]

First of all, not sure how the hell this haze came about, but it must be the cause of this very interesting sunset from last night--



[6:52 P.M. last night, just as I was turning the corner to get around to my job.]

This odd haze has been around for quite some time, actually. I should've done my homework about this, but I haven't. Oops. But anyway, I'll be honest here. It just makes the sky look so... so... weird. I mean, it's kinda hard to describe it but, basically it makes the sky look rather pale... close to white, really. I don't know, maybe it's just me. But in any case, I hope it's gone soon... or at least I hope it rains. We could sure use it. Big time.

In other happy-strange-oddity news, Monday night I got a special treat in the mailbox: my friend Margaret in Canada [the resident Hooky's Angel of the Excelsios Underground] sent me a third envelope full of Joy Division/New Order pics!! Yay!!

A good majority of them were Steve and Barney pictures, as well as some of them together. I was in happy post-punk girl heaven. So much so that I took a picture of my favorite picture sent to me, and now this is my cell phone wallpaper:



Coworker Tabby thought he looked younger than 49 by a good shot--she even thinks he's cute!! Hee-hee!! *all giggles and stuff now*

[I mean, hell, if he looked at me like that then, how the heck could I not say no!?]

And finally, for a laugh-out-loud shock of the day, at around 1:30 this afternoon a nice surprise happened--considering I had a crappy day [again...!], this proved to be that, now it was the hurting's turn to laugh its ass off...



With some light reflected from the outside [or was that the emergency light?]. No joke. The power around our block went OUT!!

We were closed for about an hour or so until the power came back on and we got things going again. Fun times because I wasn't on the clock when it happened, so I got to stick around and watch all the fun unfold!!

Of course, Barb was pissed because apparently this happened five minutes after she left to attend a meeting somewhere in town. It all became he-said-she-said-and-she-said when she said we were open, but Swing Manager Melissa informed her that Supervisor Chris said to close the place down until power came back up. And I, of course, just played messenger and laughed at it all. It was perfect!



...then again I'm sure there'll be hell to pay tomorrow! Crap!

So, in closing, here are a handful of songs for you Excelsians to jam to. This is my newly o-fish-ul [erm, official!] old-school gothique StarMix. Trust me, this is just part of what the 80's were all about...

Yazoo [or Yaz] - 'Don't Go' ~ Got me from the first synth notes. Alison 'Alf' Moyet is right below Gillian Gilbert in my list of the most influential women in music. Alf provided the vocals to the synths of Vince Clarke [ex-Depeche Mode]. She. Is. Amazing!

The Teardrop Explodes - 'Brave Boys Keep Their Promises' ~ I never heard of them until it was noted once that they played at a festival with Joy Division. This song got my interest and attention. Very unique in its own way, really. Gotta find more TTE for the Underground, yes, I should. Indeed.

Stockholm Monsters - 'Winter' ~ Never heard of them until a fellow NOOLer [can't remember who--dangit!] mentioned them. I now have four or five songs from them, and they are absofreckin'lutely cool. An Excelsios favorite already. So much so that two of their songs, this being one of them, are on the Hacienda Homecoming music player here [the other track on it is 'Fairy Tales'].

Public Image Ltd - 'Rise' ~ Possibly the best thing Johnny Lydon, that redheaded cutie, ever did after the rise and fall of the Sex Pistols, was starting PiL [as this band is commonly known]. This is perhaps their biggest hit, and it's a surpriser too, as Johnny sounds wonderful in this song. Bravo, Johnny, sir!! *sigh*

The Smiths - 'There Is a Light That Never Goes Out' ~ Come. The. Bleep. On. How the Helen of Troy could anyone have a goth mix without Morrissey's beloved band the Smiths!? Every goth-ish mix I've done has this song on it. It's just the perfect sad love song. [Just watch out for that 10-ton truck.]

The Pet Shop Boys - 'It's a Sin' ~ Yes, I do consider this a goth song. If you've seen the video you'd probably understand. And anyway, the lyrics are quite a testimony to it. But overall, it's a good dance tune. No shame in this song whatsoeffin'ever.

Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark - 'Electricity' ~ OMD [as this band is commonly known] actually played with Joy Division in the same festival as with The Teardrop Explodes. Forgot the name of the festival, but I'm sure of it. Anywho, this track's on the Hacienda Homecoming music player.

New Order - 'Mesh' ~ Hands down my favorite pre-'Temptation' song by the Order [with 'Procession' in a VERY close second!]. The beats, the bass, the guitars, vox and synths--I love it all. Just something so cool and so sexy about it. Can't put my finger on it, really. But it's still a good song!

Joy Division - 'Heart and Soul' ~ I opted for something very haunting from the 'Closer' album by the Division, and this track is exactly it. Very gothique and very beautiful. And Ian's vocals!? Hel-lo chill factor! Need I say more? I think not.

The Durutti Column - 'Otis' ~ Somehow, this could just fit. I don't have a clue how the DC could be goth, but this could serve as good chill music. And anyway, it lightens up the mix a bit. This song's on the Hacienda Homecoming music player, as well on a few more upcoming Mixes.

Visage - 'Fade to Grey' ~ One of the great classic neo-romantic gothique songs. It just grips you like it's nobody's business, from the opening synths to the final 'We fade to grey'. Although I will admit that I do find the video a bit strange if not slightly disturbing, a good song all around.

Peter Murphy - 'Cuts You Up' ~ Quite possibly one of the best things to come out of Peter Murphy since Bauhaus. This is pretty different from his Bauhaus material, but it also has its own sense of pure whim. The DJ back at Indie-Bar always paired this song with the one following it--

Siouxsie and the Banshees - 'Cities in Dust' ~ My very first Siouxsie song. Heard it as a kid, never heard it again until almost a year ago. And now it's become one of my all-time favorite songs. I once dedicated this to an ex-boyfriend who did me wrong. Of course, he wasn't too thrilled on how I moved on!!

New Order - 'Angel Dust' ~ I'm sorry but, I just canNOT resist putting this classic track on there. From 1986's classic album 'Brotherhood', this was one of the three favorite tracks on there. Its remix is 'Evil Dust', which I'll have to post on here one of these days. Yeah, it's that good.

The Cure - 'Lovesong' ~ The quintessential gothic love song, courtesy of the Cure. The lyrics, the keyboards, the entire song is just one hell of a classic. Sure it could be a bit cheesy and possibly one of their most overrated songs but, come the hello on! it could be one of the best love songs ever.

Tunnelvision - 'Glenn Miller' ~ I swear, I never heard of them until Saturday night when I went music-hunting. This song's got a sound similar to the Division, but not quite. It's a very interesting song though, and the chorus is, albeit a small bit hard-to-understand, very neat-o. Ace song.

Ministry - 'Every Day Is Halloween' ~ Ahh, the classic anthem for the whole gothic nation. Al Jourgensen did us goths justice when he and Ministry put this song together. It's got common airplay now, and not just on Halloweens anymore. Put it on and remind yourself, this is what it is to be a goth!!

The Durutti Column - 'Sketch for Summer' ~ What more unique way to end a goth mix than with more of the DC? This song is a bit more unique than 'Otis', and it's already become my favorite DC track. Possibly one of the best chill-out songs never really discovered. A great masterpiece all in all.

...and there you have it! Some of the best 80's goth tracks I can think of at the moment. Yet it all just works! I can't wait to hear this back at the Apartment.

A final note--I finally have the first official soundtrack to the 'Angelos' arc, so stay tuned for the mix of eclecticity, as I debut the first round of StarMixes devoted to the 'Angelos' arc.

Until the next round, enjoy the noise, and Cheers!! XOXOXO Mike, Crush!!

~ 'Sunshine'

ETA 8:42 P.M. ~ I am an idiot--I FORGOT THE MP3 LINKS!! STUPID SUNSHINE!!

Chapter 37: *deathglare to the first person who calls me in to work tomorrow!* [A nice day in hell... *insert eyeroll*]

[Now playing: 'She's Lost Control' by Joy Division.]

There are days in which your life is all flowers and butterflies, and there are days in which your life is like a very abandoned cemetary.

Today, for the most part, falls under the second catagory, Excelsians.

Things were fine until, early on in the day, around 6:15-ish, Joshua's like, 'What took you so long to get the towel buckets ready?' As usual, I wanted to just shut him up by means of snapping at him with a 'Hush it!'-like remark, but of course I got distracted by an order at the speaker. Talk about saved by the bell!...?

The day progressed, we got slammed, and I had to keep some sort of composure intact. All went alright, I had my break, but I couldn't eat much because some of the songs that the satellite radio station at work played reminded me of the boyfriend. So, I got two muffins and some tears for breakfast. Meh.

Just when we all thought a momentary good cry, some muffins with bagel sauce [yummy!!!], and a round of Computer Solitaire would render me back to alright... WRONG!! I get back from break, and I'm on my own throughout the rest of the day. Faith came in to save my butt at one, but we were still slammed. And it just got worse, of course. My Aunt Margaret wanted to see me and show me her first grandson, but work was slammed, so I ended up missing her visit. I felt worse than horrible after I finally clocked out at two. I was pissed.

So I went to the restroom first thing for another cry.

You know, I guess I'm worse of a sap than I give myself credit for.

Slight good finally emerges when Kaleigh lends me $5 for lunch [as I didn't get my paycheck yet until AFTER I got my lunch!!]. Oddly enough I had a Crew Trainer Meeting at three, so I only had an hour of sanity to myself before the meeting. The meeting itself was good, with Assistant Managers Lowanda and Larry serving as our Junior Manager guides. So, the journey begins for myself officially--Junior Manager Donna's going to help me out on Saturday afternoon with some training, so you might not get a post until maybe later that night--

--OH CRAP!! I'm gonna be at the Punx Picnic festival after training with her!! Worst bit is that I'll miss the first hour AT LEAST because of the training!!

FAC'n hell, just when I thought things were gonna be just fine. Ah well.

Got two c.d.'s today--'compact disc' by PiL [Public Image Ltd] and 'Upstairs at Eric's' by Yazoo [Yaz for those of us Americanos]. I heard a bit of the PiL disc earlier and, by damn it could be one of the best albums I never heard until now!!

I'll probably post a follow-up review tomorrow, as I'm off tomorrow and I can stay up late and dance like nobody's business to the music. Tonight might be fun.

In some more sad news however, I fear I left my glasses at work. Fuck!! *facepalm*

And in even worse news, it seems that, due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, I might not be able to see the boyfriend before he leaves for Scotland next month. Which means, I fear his infamous last words might be right--'see you in January' indeed. Bloody fucking hell.

My usual remedy would have to be to go back to the apartment and cry until the next morning but, I'm not sure I really should do that. I still have to be strong. Hell, the day is damn close to ending, but my heart's grieving badly, and life is nothing short of this--



I guess it's safe to say that, today was definitely a Monday. And for a very long time I've admitted, time and again, the fact that I hated Mondays, and how much I've hated them.

And now, some songs to fit the day, 'cause let's face it. Miss Sunshine just ain't happy today, folks. Funny thing is, some of these songs are not what you'd expect me to hear. Better have an open mind today, Excelsians.

Ryan Adams - 'When the Stars Go Blue' -- This could be, hands down, one of the most surprising treats from Mr. Adams since 'On Your Side' from one of his earlier albums. Good cover.

James Taylor - 'Fire and Rain' -- First time I heard it at work, it didn't get much of my attention. I really have grown to like this song, because some of these lyrics are sooo true.

Bruce Springsteen - 'I'm on Fire' -- Fell in love with the song the first time I heard it. It's just... something different from the Boss. And the only Boss song I like is 'Glory Days'. I kid you not!!

They Might Be Giants - 'Snowball in Hell' -- Let me be straight with you guys here: I love TMBG. They're funny, they make music that makes sense, and they make the kids happy. Life is good, and so is this song.

The Verve - 'Weeping Willow' -- When I first listened to their last album 'Urban Hymns', this was the very first song I found a total favorite in. It's got a shoegaze-goth-esque feel to it. Still love it.

Queen and David Bowie - 'Under Pressure' -- Let's have a laugh: usually I do well 'under pressure'!! *pun intended... or not?* This is my all-time favorite Queen song. ...yes, even more than 'Bohemian Rhapsody'!!

Elton John - 'Tiny Dancer' -- 'Hold up Sunny--ELTON FUCKIN' JOHN!?' To which I respond, yes, Elton effin' John. One of my favorite songs, it grew on me at work. Maybe I'll sing that the next time I go out for Karaoke...?

Susanna and the Magical Orchestra - 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' -- Probably my all-time favorite cover of the great Joy Division classic. It just has this strange lullaby-esque feel to it. Very interesting/unique in its own way.

Siouxsie and the Banshees - 'Cities in Dust' -- Did I tell y'all I love Siouxsie and the Banshees? I guess you can say, this song could put into words how I feel. Heck, I even once dedicated this song to an ex of mine!! No joke!!

808 State - 'Pacific' -- Possibly one of the best songs to just chill to after a day of total, insane stupidity. This song is one of the songs on the blog music player, celebrating the Hacienda Homecoming.

David Bowie - 'Space Oddity' -- One of my top-five all-time favorite Bowie songs. This was, in fact, my very first Bowie song. I absolutely love the strange, spacey feel of the song, and I sing along to it every time it's playing.

The Durutti Column - 'Sketch for Summer' -- Another great chill song, probably just as good as 808 State's 'Pacific'. Their song 'Otis' is on the Hacienda Homecoming blog music player. They're... they're just so cool, y'know?

Public Image Ltd [PiL] - 'Rise' -- I actually loved the song, never knew who did it though. Found out it was PiL. And was stunned to know that Johnny Lydon was in it. Yeah, that Johnny Rotten guy from the Sex Pistols! Excellent song.

The Bangles - 'Manic Monday' -- Now come on, you HAVE to have this song for a Monday. I'd put New Order's 'Blue Monday' on this mix, but let's face it. I'm glum, not quite in the mood for dancing. But this song's a pick-me-up though!

And there you have it--the essential Excelsios Monday StarMix. Enjoy!!

Until the next round, Cheers. Mike, don't work too hard--crush!!

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 35: Farewell, Tony--you never walked alone. [Tony Wilson: 20 February 1950 - 10 August 2007.]

Bad news folks, Tony Wilson is dead.

Today we lost a legend and pioneer of the Madchester music scene, the same man who not only put Joy Division but also New Order, Factory Records, and the Hacienda on the map. He lost his fight with kidney cancer, at the age of 57.

According to fellow NOOLer His Holiness, The Pope,

Professor Robert Hawkins, his doctor at Christie Hospital, said: “It’s very sad. He died as a result of something unrelated to his cancer. His cancer was responding well to treatment but obviously did contribute to his poor health. He was determined to fight for funding for Sutent and it is especially sad that he has passed away as we seemed to be making some progress in the campaign. He wasn’t fighting for funding for himself, that had been solved by his friends. His efforts were for the people coming after him so it was very generous and not easy for him because he was so unwell. I hope that we will be able to continue what he has started.”

Tony Wilson's Battle is Over - The Manchester Evening News

Anthony Wilson Dies from Cancer - BBC News

And now, a few songs in honor and loving memory of Mr. Wilson...

'Mesh' - New Order

'Transmission' - Joy Division

'24 Hour Party People' - The Happy Mondays



Rest in peace, Tony Wilson, Sir. You never walked alone.

With love and gratitude,

~ the Small-Town Order and the Underground of Excelsios.

Chapter 32: 'I'm bringing sexyback!!' [Possibly my biggest music post ever!!]

[Last played: 'SexyBack' by Justin Timberlake (yes, you read proper!).
Currently playing: 'Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless/La Da Di La Di Da)' by Crystal Waters.]

Alright, this is probably the most fun for a musical blogpost. I'm in a much better mood than I was yesterday, so this post is not only for the boyfriend but also for those who absolutely love music and never knew I loved some of these songs.

Hands down this could be my biggest musical blogpost yet!

This is what I'm aptly calling the strange soundtrack to an even stranger life, part 3: The 'Anything Goes and I've Got No Shame in It!' StarMix.

Note--while I may be, in heart and spirit, a die-hard goth/new wave/punk rock girl, there are just some things that, while they're not in the g/nw/pr spectrum, they're a huge part of me because they helped shape my life. They made my Life Soundtrack a bit more unique, a bit more surprising. A bit more fun!!

And so, with that, here we go...!!

The theme song to my life:
Polaris - 'Hey Sandy'

The love song:
Death Cab for Cutie - 'I Will Follow You into the Dark'

The appropriate 'rainy morning day afternoon evening night' song:
The Verve - 'So Sister'

The 'old-school freestyle' song that always bring back memories of home in Miami:
Afrika Bambaataa and the Soul Sonic Force - 'Planet Rock'

A song linked somewhat to New Order [link: Factory Records]--this was also the theme song to that movie of the same name:
The Happy Mondays - '24 Hour Party People'

One ace song from the 90's--but where are they now?:
Elastica - 'Connection'

A fun sing-along song from the elementary school days, riding on the bus after school:
Crystal Waters - 'Gypsy Woman [She's Homeless/La Da Di La Di Da]'

Some Italian pop for you folks, from 1980 *cue shameless 'I LOVE THIS SONG!' moment*:
Heather Parisi - 'Disco Bambina'

The 'guilty pleasure' song that you'd swear I didn't like [but that I did end up liking 'cause it grew on me!]:
Justin Timberlake - 'SexyBack'

Another fun sing-along song from the days of elementary school [and early middle school too]:
The Bucketheads - 'The Bomb'

A song to make some people wonder, from back in the day:
C+C Music Factory - 'Things That Make You Go Hmmm....'

One of those old-school dance tunes from the early 90's:
Culture Beat - 'Mr. Vain'

Another fun dance tune--Miss Waters is ace with those songs, seriously:
Crystal Waters - '100% Pure Love' [The Club Mix]

...okay, another 'guilty pleasure' song--I'm so shameless:
Double You - 'Please Don't Go'

This song damn near ALWAYS makes me laugh and, when I'm with some friends, I lip sync this song and do goofy supermodel poses that make ALL of us laugh [another guilty pleasure--good times!]:
Right Said Fred - 'I'm Too Sexy'

Now come on, how the hell could ANYONE not hear this song back in the day:]
Daft Punk - 'Da Funk'

Pump this jam up:
Technotronic - 'Pump Up the Jam'

Memories of watching planes take off and land at the Miami International Airport with Dad and younger bro Robbie return everytime I hear this song:
Haddaway - 'What Is Love?'

Insert shameless dancing/sing-along moment riiiiiiight... here!:
New Order - 'Here to Stay' [The Chemical Brothers Remix]

Come on, you know David Byrne is right with this song:
The Talking Heads - 'Once in a Lifetime'

Alison Moyet had an incredible voice back in the day, she still does [yes, Alison's a she, and she was defo amazing as the voice of Yazoo]:
Yazoo [Yaz in the U.S.] - 'Don't Go'

Possibly the best underrated Human League song in existence:
The Human League - 'Tell Me When'

My 'little red dress' song, 'nuff said:
Client - 'Lights Go Out'

Another fun Polaris song [though not as good as 'Hey Sandy'!!]:
Polaris - 'Waiting for October'

Hee... always get a laugh with this song:
Blur - 'Girls and Boys'

I know, this is sooo wrong, but it's a 'guilty pleasure'--and just a jump to the left... [come on, y'all know the rest]:
The Rocky Horror Picture Show - 'The Time Warp'

One of the best Radiohead songs ever:
Radiohead - 'Idioteque'

'Turn that light off you c*nt!!':
New Order - 'Blue Monday' [Warren Lapham Mix]

Now for a slight bit of a jazz-esque remix [and because this song is sooo cool]:
ABC - 'Poison Arrow' [US Jaxx Mix] [or the Trevor Horn Remix]

And finally, if my life were to be a series, this would be the ending theme song:
The Sundays - 'Wild Horses'

...and there you have it!! Thirty songs that helped turn my life into an absolute madhouse of fun. That should give your mp3 player a nice boost of madness. That and, it'll actually bring a spring into your own soundtrack step, too!

Enjoy the noise--I know I am!! And until the next round, Cheers!! XOXOXO Mike, Crush, and I hope you like the music!!

~ 'Sunshine' [DJ FAC999 in da house!! *LOL*]

Chapter 30: 'Where did it all go wrong?' [...seriously, where?]

Now playing: 'Against All Odds' by the Postal Service.

...okay, in all honesty, despite everything I've gone through and said and done, no matter what's been going round and round in my strange life, as far as my life is concerned...

where did it all go wrong?

At this point a relationship is at a sudden stand-still. My job is at a new scheduling of strange hours for me. I haven't really spent much time with my family lately. And my only friends are either at work or at church.

In all honesty, I guess I'm back to questioning my life. Questioning my faith, my relationship [though in all humility I should NEVER question it, but someone is... or maybe it's just my mind thinking oddly? I hate working too hard, but that's another matter], my job, my entire life. Everything.

I'm really scared about this. I really hope it's worth questioning everything.

I'll leave you guys with a nice memorable song. If you remember the show on Nickelodeon 'The Adventures of Pete & Pete', you should remember this track right here:

Polaris - 'Hey Sandy.'

That's the theme song, by the way. *wink*

Until the next round, some prayers would be best appreciated. Cheers.

~ 'Sunshine'

Chapter 16: ...but home is nowhere. [A turn for the worse? Another pointless day...]

*WARNING: If you don't want to read a goth/new wave/punk rock girl have a temper tantrum about life [complete with some profanity], DO NOT READ THIS BLOGPOST!! Download the songs instead, and listen to them. They'll magnify how my mood is at the moment.

Otherwise, I'm very short-fused. Proceed with caution.*

[Songs of the day:
Lost by Morrissey.
Passerby by Mira.]

Taking the title of an AFI song for a blog Chapter title means I've got more nerves and guts to tell life how it is, at least from my viewpoint.

I said it before last night, and I'll say it again [even if the boyfriend's questioning my sanity as he reads this--again *sigh*]:

Life is a dead-end street.

And I'll get to that in a moment. But first, the random b.s. of the day.

Work: Well, store manager was off today. Result - chaos. [As usual.] And of course, I'm stuck in the hole [back drive-thru--it's a joke, long story]. Gwen [best back drive-thru coworker besides Faith!!] actually kept me from having a fit and 3/4 during lunch today--as today was nothing more than a crappy continuation of last night. [To the boyfriend, sorry but things didn't improve. Except for two Iced Coffees today. Otherwise... *sigh*]

Two guys tried to hit on me. I told them both to get a life. [Hey, better than 'go to hell', right??] Manager Melissa thought I was playing hard to get, and Myshel thought I should've given one of them my number. Of course I reminded them that I didn't want to give them my number [hello, one-guy girl, c'est moi!], and of course they're like, But he's out of town!! Why don't you just find a boyfriend closer to home??

...oh, I don't know... maybe because I DON'T WANT TO!?

*sigh* It's really tough being me. It really, really is.

Break time - 7 A.M. - ...okay, why am I on break THIS early in the day? I don't really know. But fine, okay, whatever. I'll go on break when I'm told to, not gonna k'vetch [Hebrew word for 'complain'] about it or anything. So I had my break, only ate two Apple Pies [yeah, haven't eaten since, not hungry really...], got more batteries for the c.d. player, and got back to work.

So, the only thing I have to worry about tonight is, well, the fact that I'm helping my friend Faith out. Babysitting her son for a handful of hours tonight. Joshy likes my blue hair... I think.

Now, about life being a dead-end street--

I gave myself a good thinking-through last night as I returned home from the Underground, and it dawned on me for the first time in two months that, well... this world does not need a useless vessel like me. I mean, let's give some analysis here.

From the NOOL blog, 23 May 2007:

I don't know how much longer I'm going to give life more chances. Eventually I'll end up sending myself to the grave. Maybe.

I don't know. I'm not sure anymore about anything. I just don't know anymore.

Sadly, I thought I knew as of recently. As of last night however, realizing that life's just the same stuff every day, with nothing really special worth talking about [don't believe me? just reread some of the pointless stuff i've posted so far--and that's just about my day!!], I'm not so sure.

I asked myself this two months ago, and I asked myself this last night--Am I really a mistake? Am I really a waste of time? I mean, for one, aside from the boyfriend, who actually READS this blog? Who could even understand what the hell I'm talking about!?

Is anybody even listening to me anymore?

So I reread Sora's words--

'There is no need for the sadness in your eyes. Life is beautiful, and you are beautiful'

--and I have to wonder, is it really true?

I mean, I agree with Sora, and yet I disagree. Life, I guess, can be beautiful, and I know I'm beautiful. But, beauty fades. Beauty backfires.

Flowers die. Guys hit on me.

You see where I'm going with this?

Plus, while I know that, at this point if my friends were to read this they'd be worried sick about me, I really don't know what's the point of my life. Everybody's got something to talk about. Unfortunately, I don't. And, in the immortal words of Nine Inch Nails' own Trent Reznor, 'every day is exactly the same.' It's something I got used to. It's become, unfortunately, a way of life for me. Nothing ever really changes. For the managers it's Okay, Sunshine's here, drive-thru's fine. For the family it's Oh don't worry, Jenn'll be fine out there. Otherwise...

who really cares whether I wake up tomorrow or not?

I guess I'm probably the only person that has found something to talk about--something that goes as pointless really. I have no sounding board [my friends are all just about out of town], no exact way to scream 'WHAT THE FUCK!?' to the world, than for here. I'm mad as hell, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to take it.

Maybe I'll just die. Maybe I'll finally get promoted [fat chance in hell, folks]. Maybe I'll actually hear from someone I haven't seen in a while [again, fat chance]. Maybe I'll give life another try.

Problem with last sentence is that, how many more tries am I going to give it?

I guess I've got no exact other choice than to live in this monotony. If not for my sake, then for those that do give a damn. Whoever they are.

I'm just... I'm just tired. I don't really seem to care much anymore. The soul just numbs, the heart just suffers. I've got no spirit, I've lost all feeling.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's another lovely day in paradise.

I hope that something fun happens.

...the hell am I saying!? Not a lot of fun happens, and usually everyone else is having a blast and I'm just the last to know ANYTHING. I ask people kindly to not let me be the last to know, and what happens!? So I miss out on a party, or what Store Manager said, or on this, that and the other. Then when someone is like, Hey Sunny, did you hear about this, this and this!? and I'm like, No, why?, they're like, W.T.F.!? Why not!?

Uh, news flash: NO ONE TOLD ME A DAMN THING, THAT'S WHY!! NOW FUCK OFF!!

[I really apologize for the, erm, rather slightly excessive use of profanity today. But, as I'm not feeling quite wonderful today, and because life really sucks, I need to vent. Keep in mind--I did warn you guys.]

Well, I guess that's it for now. I guess you can say life did take a slight turn for the worse. Life's become the dead-end street, and its dead end is called lost.

So,
I guess I'll go babysit little Joshy for Faith, so she can take her midterm.

I guess I'll hang out at work with Joshy, just so the Closing Manager can have a laugh at me and I can just take it all in, slowly and painfully.

I guess I'll just write more poetry that probably no one will ever read.

I guess I'll write more pointless blog entries about my dull life.

I guess I'll keep telling persuing men to fuck off in my everyday I'm-spoken-for-so-no-number-for-you! form and fashion. [Or, I could take a cue from Howlin' Pelle from the Hives in the song Untutored Youth, 'seeing I extend my middle right hand digit and say, HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE LEMON OR LIME WITH THAT PIECE OF ADVICE, MISTER!?']

I guess I'll have my phone handy, in case the boyfriend e-mails [or calls, if ever] me.

I guess I'll go on living my so-called life. After all, I'm just a person, right?

Until the next round--maybe...

~ 'Sunshine'